~
You know, I'm starting to scare myself. (Not)

Session Start: Mon Apr 11 2005 ; Session Ident: #Wolfkeep
[01:54] * Diana gets more earthquake notices from the USGS. You know, a volcano is gonna blow in Indonesia before this thing is over
[01:55] the subduction action there causing all the quakes is generating heat and that heat has to vent sooner or later

Timestamps above are Central Time, ie about 2am Monday morning which would be Monday afternoon in Indonesia.

AP - Volcano on Indonesia's Sumatra Island Erupts, Spews Out Ash
Talang began rumbling shortly before dawn Tuesday, and then spewed out ash up to 1,640 feet into the air.

Reuters - More than 25,000 panicked residents have been evacuated from the slopes of a rumbling volcano on Indonesia's Sumatra island and officials raised the alert level on Wednesday as the mountain's activity intensified. "The status of Mount Talang is now at top alert," Surono, a vulcanologist from the Directorate of Vulcanology and Geophysics in the Java city of Bandung, told Reuters.

~
I expect there will be more than some rumbling and ash. This activity is following several quakes at Padang, Sumatra which is near Mount Talang. All of which is a further result of the December 26th quake that caused the big tsunamis. The entire arc of islands on the eastern side of the Indian Ocean is in danger of continued quakes and resulting volcanoes.

That's not all. This area cannot be seen as an isolated location because the shockwaves travel around the world along tectonic plate lines and through the magma core of the Earth. Other quake and volcanic regions are being activated too.

Damn if it doesn't look like we have collectively ordered the jarring wakeup call that might finally unite humanity... not in some stupifying one-world-government, but as recognition that we're all in this together. Alas, it destroys too.

Hard-headed sumbitches.

The End Is Near!

The death of the Pope is more fuel for the bonfire of the doomsayers. They're so hungry and quick to try to manifest their wish for the End? I read this as looking for an easy way out of present troubles. "God will save us by ending it all! Huzzah!" Um, that isn't likely. We're here to learn and we'll keep at it until we finish the whole curriculum. We literally cannot flunk out, although we certainly seem bound to repeating many courses. :)

Are we on the verge of the Apocalypse? I say yes, but before panic ensues, let's look at what that really means.

The word 'revelation' was derived from the Greek word apokalupsis, ie, apocalypse. A lot of extra connotations have been hung on that word which weren't originally there. The actual meaning is literally 'a lifting of the veil'.

This tells me that indeed all the forecasts for an Apocalypse, including the Book of Revelations, speak of "The End", but that end is merely the end of the world 'as we know it'.

In truth, the end of the world as we know it has been perpetual, because the world is always changing and we are always learning (lifting more veils of ignorance, experiencing more revelations). So the coming Apocalypse was an accurate prophecy at the time Revelations was written and it is a valid prophecy today.

When veils are lifted, we find it disturbing. New information can be unsettling, but in time we settle into it and create a new plateau, a new cliff from which to jump ;) When all the current veils are lifted, when all our illusions are put aside, we may be truly shaken, but we will finally realize what I have harped on before: That we are not separate from God, we ARE God. All is one, because all is connected. We are not only the 'creation', we are the creator.

It is my hope that this is the apocalypse, the revelation, which is at hand now. I feel our 'new world' is emerging as the veil is lifted and we begin to understand. As the truth is revealed or uncovered, what we once knew will indeed vanish, but it does not mean we will vanish or be destroyed.

We are surely on our way to the apocalypse, but the greatly feared armageddon only has to happen if we refuse to allow or accept the apocalypse... the revelation... the unveiling... without having to be prompted by catastrophe.

If it takes a global or even cosmic calamity to shake us out of our illusions, then we'll surely get it. We will be asking for it as long as we're in denial. But, we don't have to do it that way. We can choose to awaken without being jarred awake.

Even if we bring some cataclysmic 'end' upon ourselves, it will not be the End, for Creation is infinite and eternal.

I agree with this fellow who calls himself "Therapist" and whose comment I found on a Randi Rhodes Show forum via Google: "Why can't the end of the world ever be "And ye they shall go out to the sunshine and laugh and dance and partake of lambs and soft-shelled crab, or a nice salad if they're vegan, and there will be general merriment and fornication and small children playing in the sandbox. Then the Great Cosmic Goat shall come and eat the planet in one gulp without anyone suffering."?

I like the way he thinks.

It's just wrong, plain wrong, absofukinlutely WRONG. Pharmacists have been refusing to fill prescriptions based on their personal moral code?!? The governor of Illinois has apparently had to step in to remind these 'professionals' that their personal objection to birth control does not grant them the right to refuse dispensing it to patients.

As one news article about this idiocy in Illinois rightly says, "Pharmacists are supposed to assess the appropriateness of a drug." Damned straight, they are supposed to assess the MEDICAL appropriateness. Even then, if they find a problem, they are supposed to consult with the prescribing physician. They are NOT supposed to assess the MORAL appropriateness, nor take it upon themselves to negate a doctor's prescription or a patient's rights.

I worked with pharmacists for a while. I tested software for a company that created pharmacy systems and I had to coach a lot of these folks because they couldn't even follow simple instructions and screen prompts. I can tell you for a fact that while some of them love the job and do it right, the majority are doing it because they couldn't make the grades to be doctors or saw the ridiculous profits to be made in pharmaceuticals and jumped on it. With computer systems as they are now, pharmacists barely have to count pills and press on labels. That apparently gives them too much time to try to dabble in peoples' lives? Reminds me of rent-a-cops hell bent on carrying a gun but couldn't pass the training to be real cops. Sounds like some pharmacists have the god-complex for which doctors are infamous, but heaven help us they haven't the brains or good judgement to carry it.

I was already frustrated with the nazis in the Religious Right. My kneejerk reaction is to say "Ban Catholics and other Right-to-Lifers from being Pharmacists." But hey, I'm not insane like the zealots. Why the hell did we break off from the Old Rule and start this new country with the ideals of FREEDOM if we're going to start hacking away at them? WHO THE FUCKING HELL HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO WITH MY OWN FUCKING BODY?!?

Dayam I wish Mercury would straighten up and get the hell out of Aries. It's got me pissed off and vocal about it.

I also have to say this about the Catholic Church, the Pope, the elevated status of Mary, etc... The Catholic Church invented itself. They invented the significance of their own pomp and circumstance. The papacy is not biblical, nor is the worship of Mary or her role as intercessor, nor is the priesthood and their celibacy, nor are most of the sacraments or rites as practiced. I don't see a problem with any of it, other than claims that what they do and how they do it comes from the bible, or arrogance about it being The way to conduct a relationship to the divine. Men made it up. They elaborated themselves into their current hierarchy. Cardinals, Bishops, and so on, ad nauseum... it has all been manufactured for the Church, by the Church.

All religions are the invention of humans: Catholicism, Taoism, Buddhism, Islam, etc. The christian bible is only one among many other documents and traditions serving the same purpose, trying to describe divinity and how mankind may relate to it. None of them are THE Truth. They are all examples and methodology. Even more nature-based and alternative religions such as Native spirituality and pagan versions are all invented. They are different ways for people to try to connect with divinity, and the ways are different because people are different, cultures are different. Divinity, Creation, the Universe, the Power that's All There Is... whatever one chooses to call it, we should all remember that we do CHOOSE how we each relate to it. And thus, ALL versions can be valid. ALL.

From my understanding, none of us needs any artifice or ritual or hierarchy to relate to divinity because it resides within each of us. There is no duality. If "God" is everything, is IN everything, then it is only logical to conclude that we are inseparable parts of God, that God is in every one of us, and therefore we don't need anything to 'reach' God. We ARE God. Our only challenge is to reach into ourselves, through ourselves, and thus touch the infinite and eternal.

From my way of thinking, what we describe as God may only be the gestalt of who we are, the summation of our collective consciousness, and that not only includes humanity but all things and all no-things, ie, All That Is.

The rest is detail on how we get ourselves to touch the divinity within, and by divinity I mean our connection to each other and to Everything. Some of us may need an external hierarchy to help us achieve the connection, although I find it sad that such artificial measures are needed. Such methods perpetuate a separation which does not exist. Some of us may need to imagine an overriding presence so we can feel more comfortable with the order of the universe, rather than knowing we are integral parts of that order, each and every one of us. Maybe we fear the responsibility, but in doing so we also relinquish a certain amount of freedom. The worst, the absolute worst aspect of these various methods is that too often we use them to divide ourselves from each other.

I have no problem with how individuals CHOOSE to relate to the creative process of this universe, as long as they know it IS a choice and they should never NEVER try to force another person over to their own choice. Each must find his or her own way. Period.

And to conclude my sermon :) ... Love one another, or at least be kind to one another, or at least respect one another, or at least tolerate one another... or if you cannot, please exit the planet now and let the rest of us get on with it. Thank you.

I'm not catholic and I don't personally understand the attachment to any pope, but I do understand that there IS an attachment for so many people. Despite anticipating John Paul II's death and commenting on the Catholic Church needing change, I do recognize that he played an important historical role during his 26 yr papacy. I do also believe that he may have made as much change as he could within the Church, giving them a clearer image from which to effect future changes. I think he could only move the behemoth so far and so fast in his environment. I'm sure that his spirit passes on in favorable stead, and I honor his passing.

To the spirit of Terri Schiavo: I hope you're enjoying your new journey. I bet you're glad that your old body has finally been allowed to die. No more leftovers in baggage claim here so you're free. Bon voyage. Blessings to your children here and to your former mate as he tries to complete his own mortal life here. May the rest of your family find the peace they seem to have resisted for so long. Namaste.

Easter weekend at Home was terrific. I had a sleep over with two of my teenage nieces. We did some very mod egg decorating, went out for pizza, watched Finding Neverland to drool over Johnny Depp as well as have a good cry. I also got in on some Easter basket action as well as hiding eggs for the kids. I whooped and hollered with several family members during the NCAA basketball game which Kentucky eventually lost but man oh man it was exciting! It's always always always good to see my family, and also good to come back to my home again. It's all good.

The rest of this post is ranting. Feel free to bail out now.

Terri Schiavo
If God ever had a hand in her particular disposition, I dare say it could well have occurred in 1990 with the original cardiac arrest that left her brain dead. I don't see God's hand in anything that has happened since. I could be wrong. I don't know the mind of God. Neither do Schiavo's parents, neither do all the protestors, nor Florida legistators, nor the freakin Congress of the United States. Judging by the sound-bite mentality the masses have shown to have in the past, I'd wager that 99.9% of the people crying foul have NO idea of Schiavo's actual medical condition which emphatically shows she is gone. I don't know what should or should not be done in Terri Shiavo's case, but I do know that her husband has the legal responsibility for making the decision and everyone else is butting in. I also know that if I end up in a similar condition, I want everyone to just let my body die. I assure you, I will have already moved on. Yes, I have informed my spouse, parents and siblings of my wishes. I recommend everyone do the same. And, I for damned sure do NOT want any branch of the government deciding about me and my life or my death.

The Pope
He made an appearance at the window of the Vatican and sucked air like a goldfish out of water. I stand by my prediction that he is on his way out, very soon. I stand by my opinion that the Catholic Church may use that opportunity to make a big, much needed change. I stand by a choice to do just that, being Francis Arinze from Nigeria, who would be the first black pope. Although he may be conservative, his very skin would open a lot of long-closed and rigid minds. The Catholic Church will change or die. This is the same choice they handed out for so long. It's their turn. Paybacks are hell.

Resurrection
What an enticing drama. People seem to love diving into the woeful tale of an innocent Son of God dying a horrible death to save them. What a guilt trip too. I think they're missing the real point. It's not about the death, it's about the life. It's about how Jesus lived and how death did not mean the end. I believe he was trying to demonstrate the divinity available to all, living and after death. But, as is often the case, we've made a huge deal about the messenger and missed the message. As I've said, we seem to have trouble looking where God is actually pointing because we're so doggedly focused on his finger. woof

You scored as Fall. You are FALL. You appreciate all that you have, and are willing to share with others. You are a friend in the truest sense of the word, and can easily focus your attention on those who need you, placing yourself on the back burner. You make sure your responsibilites are met before you allow yourself 'free time'. Fall 85% Winter 70% Spring 55% Summer 50% What Season Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

Not a coincidence, it IS my favorite season.

I sometimes marvel (and chafe) at the excesses of American consumerism and our Capitalist drive toward bigger, better, and more expensive. I mean, part of me thinks: Couldn't every person in the whole world have proper food, clean water, protective clothing and shelter, if we didn't have a relatively small segment of the global population obsessing over the biggest house, the coolest toy, the shiniest bling, and the swankiest outfit?

But then I keep stepping myself back to look more objectively at how things really are, or more particularly, how humans really are.

I always thought Communism or Socialism looked really good on paper, with each person getting what they need and working as best suits their interests and abilities. From the schematics, it looks like an efficient machine. The problem is that in practical application there must be a governing engine and the cogs don't always want to do what works best for the whole machine. There must be a group at the top who "knows what's best" but they never really do, or power corrupts original intentions and they never achieve fair distribution of labor or goods and services. The real injury beyond failure to provide is the serious curtailing of freedom.

Though on paper Capitalism seems very selfish, advantageous to only the most ambitious, it actually comes closer to achieving the goals of Communism or Socialism, in practical application. And what about Democracy? Democracy and Capitalism must go hand in hand. Without Capitalism, Democracy has no economic structure to support goals of provision. Capitalism must have Democracy because it must have a free (ungoverned) market system.

Flawed as it is, Capitalism works. It works because people are flawed too. Human nature is more often greedy and ambitious, not charitable or fair-minded. It's driven by self-preservation and fear of loss, plus selfish interests in comfort. Although the vast majority of humans might help their brother in need, they are not as likely to help strangers, especially at their own expense. They will give generously only from their excess and Capitalism is all about striving for excess. Capitalism literally capitalizes on human tendencies, making the best of the worst. Oddly enough, I think it really is a case of two wrongs making a right.

I know it sounds a bit like Brave New World, but Captialism and the consumerism upon which it feeds is actually beneficial to mankind. Classic 'planned obsolescence' is a miracle for making last year's goods and services available to the masses. Sure the manufacturers are always changing up their product for more market share and bigger profits. The engineers are doing it to push the technology envelope. But, the end result is that more people in the world can afford a TV, for instance, because there's a market for the latest and greatest out on the leading edge. That leaves the older styles available for everyone else at a lower cost. Jobs are created to make the new toys, but jobs are still there to produce the old ones too, because there's always a lag between invention and market saturation. And by golly as long as there's a market, the capitalists will capitalize on it. The process of acquisition (consumerism) is the actual energy between the poles of supply and demand. It is natural for people to want more, different, and better. Using this drives them to make more, different, and better.

How does this benefit mankind? Let's look at TVs, a seeming luxury, although most of us in the First World cannot fathom life without them. Well, there's more to television than entertainment, it's a communication medium. Even while the entertainment scatters around the world, it builds common ground. That's what communication IS at its base, finding common ground. The more we do that, the more we come to understand each other, the more we can find commonalities to overcome our differences, then the more likely we are to get along with each other. The computer industry and the Internet is the current leading edge of communication. In some ways it's making television obsolete but again that makes television more available, and so on. As the Third World gets wired, they move closer to the First World in knowledge, experience, and opportunity. The playing field may become a bit more level.

I don't think everyone will ever catch up, because the bar is always being raised. But, step by step the whole world is lifted gradually BECAUSE of the excesses of a few, BECAUSE of the drive at the 'top'. Precisely BECAUSE of the avarice and ambition of a minority, the majority can eventually acquire what they need and find work that suits their talents and abilities.

Reagan's Trick-Down Economics caught a lot of flack, but the theory works. Yes, in a perfect world it might be better to distribute wealth and goods differently, but this world is filled with imperfect beings, as part of our individuality. So why not capitalize on that and ultimately make our worst tendencies work for the greater good?

I've said it before but I must say it again --- Reality shows bear no resemblance to reality... and neither does the news. Surely most people realize the reality shows aren't real, but what the news media presents is just as distorted, and I'm not sure folks realize it. If a 'news' event was a usual and customary activity from everyday life, it wouldn't make the news. They only report the sensational, and unfortunately they seem very fond of the negatively sensational. I wish the news hounds would chase good news as doggedly as they sniff out bad news.

The media doesn't talk about ordinary life but by plastering the anomalies on the evening news people are misled into thinking their lives are full of these anomalous events. They aren't. We hear about murders in the news daily, but how many real peoples' lives are actually touched by a murder ever, much less daily? I'd like to see the news reported more realistically, in context. If they report one school shooting, I think they should be required to report the number of schools that went through the day with no shooting. I'm not saying that we should discount lives lost or affected by such events, but give it some perspective, instead of making it sound as though these things happen on everyone's doorstep, all day, everyday. They don't.

It would get really boring really quickly if the media had to report the statistics, if they had to reveal the actual percentages of the incidents they report relative to the actual experiences of the rest of the six and a half billion people living ordinary everyday lives on this planet.

But it's not the media's fault. It's human nature to get all caught up in drama. We really need to get over it. Addiction to drama is what causes dramatic events, whether we're committing them or revelling in the reporting of them. For heaven's sake... for humanity's sake... read a freakin book, watch a movie, have a nightmare. Get yourself a good cry or knee jerk reaction or shiver of fear or fit of rage without actually doing damage or waiting for someone to do it so you can drool over it or feel better because it didn't happen to you.

We now have the capability of synthesizing human experience so convincingly that we don't have to do the actual harm necessary for getting the adrenalin fix. Sheesh Can't we start doing all this crap to each other from memory, getting the emotional fix virtually if we need it, then just move on? Let's skip the vicarious thrill of feeding off the real-life tragedy of a few. It's twisted. We should have evolved past this.

The plot is worn. I don't need the drama. I don't understand people who do. I feel quite alive without it. And when I don't, I write myself a little story or find one to suit, then go on living my real life.

We will soon have a yard. Not the 3ft measurement, but the kind of yard that's lying on the ground around the house. What we had was dirt and builder rubble dotted by weeds. I really didn't mind it all that much, but there are maintenance and erosion issues and it really wasn't all that nice to look at. We have no use for a barefoot lawn and absolutely no interest in maintaining one. I guess what we're getting qualifies as landscaping but it involves very little of the traditional elements.

Now in the past, at other places we've lived, there have been agitated discussions concerning the yard. This would be me nagging the spouse about maintenance. I don't DO lawnmowing. My responsibilities are all IN the house. Period. But, spouse works six days a week and so I didn't nag about the mowing too much. Besides the neighbors were often anxious to do that. They didn't seem to share our appreciation for letting nature take its course. In fact, the only reason I nagged was knowing the neighbors were gonna.

What we usually ended up doing was hiring a lawn service when we could afford it, or simply waiting til the neighbors bitched and got someone with a bush hog to come out and cut it all down to the dirt. Oh, we've tried killing it all too. That only sorta works and only til the next growing season because grass and weeds are persistent.

I have actually threatened to concrete a yard and paint it green, but I know that isn't nice to Mother Nature.

However, in this development we're in now, there's a really rather convenient sort of yard option. This whole village was intended to be a retirement resort with heavy emphasis on golfing. Now that means there's a lot of maintenance of golf courses (of which there are seven), but the old fart golfers don't want to waste any time in their golden years mowing. Neither do we!

Their solution was to rock it. Yeah, there are whole yards here, lots of them, which are pebbled over. There's lots of natural woodsy green space in the common areas behind all the houses, as well as in the undeveloped lots between houses. Then, unless a homeowner is really fond of the vibration of a mower handle gripped in their hands, or addicted to the buzz of a weedeater, the other yards look more like uniform creek beds.

SO, that's what we're having done. I've had four young handsome mexican fellows and a couple of average white guys milling around the outside of my house for a few days. We opted to leave the back of our lot all natural and the rest has been covered with a black mesh fabric to let water go through but prevent weeds from sprouting up. On top of the mesh, they've dumped and raked a layer of small neutral colored stone. They call it 'river rock' and it looks like that, small stones with the rough edges knocked off by flowing water. I'm sure it's broken, tumbled, and graded in a plant around here somewhere, but it's real rock and not bad to look at.

Thus, our yard is pebbled over too now. The landscape is developing as they put in some borders along the sidewalk, the driveway, and around a couple of trees in the front yard. These areas are filled with high grade top soil, then layered in the mesh, then layered in 'chocolate rock' which is the same as the river rock only darker brown, to mimic mulch, I guess.

Then, when all that's done, they'll be adding some huge decorative boulders here and there in these darker "islands" of chocolate rock. After that, a few selected low-maintainance evergreen plantings will liven it up.

It's kind of an expensive investment up front, but not over the long haul when you count the maintenance issues of a real yard.

Besides, while these fellows have been around, I've been able to practice my Spanish a little and I do so love to watch men work.

Why don't I do it? Why don't I do all the writing I feel I want to do? I have half a dozen good projects on my storyboards. But I can't seem to dig in. I guess I am not compelled enough or I would. My excuses include menopause which has my sleep totally discombobulated which steals my concentration and physical energy. That's quasi-legit, but I know it's possible to get into something so deeply that I forget time and space and my physical being. I feel like I'm killing time by beating it to death. I just keep finding stuff to occupy my day and enough of my mind to shut out the will to write. It's harder to create than play freebie poker online or watch TV or fiddle with a hundred other little projects. Sometimes I think about the time I'm wasting. Other times I know I'm too tired and I feel too scatterbrained to do anything worthwhile. My writing projects are dear to me but daunting too. I mentally glance over them and get worn out just thinking about all that needs to be done. I wonder why I should bother too. I mean, it's not like I'm going to write the great american novel. But part of me... part of me really wants to finish what I think are great ideas, even if it's just for me.

I gotta keep urging myself on with quotes like this:

"A professional writer is an amateur who didn't quit." ~ Richard Bach

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not. Nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." ~ Calvin Coolidge

"Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use." ~ Earl Nightingale

I should think more about that. Maybe I'll sleep on it. hehe

Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world. And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly. Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life. You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful. You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person. With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

What's Your Element?

Usolicited advice to no one in particular:
Choices. It's all about choices - making them and living with them. If you are not where you want to be, realize that you made choices to get you where you are. No one dropped your life into your lap. You collected it, configured it, as you went along. Maybe it was passive, you allowed it to happen instead of actively creating it, BUT if so, you chose to be passive. If you don't like it... change it... make new choices. And remember, you can always choose to be content with what you have, where you are, and who you are. That doesn't mean you have to stop changing or making choices. It just means you need to find a comfortable base to work from. If you're not there, get there, make it. Find out what you need and reconfigure your life to get it. If you are miserable, you are choosing to be miserable, because you are choosing not to change what is making you miserable OR you are choosing to feel miserable about your circumstances, whether they justify it or not. Accept it or change it. Either way, the process always begins with you, here and now. Always.

It may be worn out, but it's still wisdom: There are three ways to deal with life and even find your peace in it...
Accept the things you cannot change.
Change the things you can.
Know the difference.

Before the year is out... I believe there will be smoke from a chimney for the first time in 27 years, signaling not only a changing of the guard, but the remaking of the entire edifice. If they want to continue on, they must embrace the reality of diversity, which has been ignored, even quashed, from the time the structure was built. This change is not yet written, but without major rennovation, the old structure will collapse.

This is not only true of the institution in question, but all such institutions. Religious, scientific, and political edifices have all become very frail, though they still seem solid on the surface. However, their structure has been disassembling, more rapidly as time passes. Soon the frameworks will be shown in their true hollow condition, like light through lace, and prove too insubstantial to stand. Their facades will no longer be enough to sustain them.

But this does not bode complete anarchy. Structure has been developing, just not in support of the outdated frameworks. When the facades collapse, the new structures will be revealed, already in existence, already functioning, for over time they have come into being to fill the needs left by the gradual failure of the inflexible obsolete forms. They will work even better when they no longer have to fight 'the establishment'.

There will be debris to clear out from the collapse, but in cleaning up, new connections will be found, further supporting the newer more flexible systems. No longer will we build from stone too heavy to move, nor direct from perches too high to see life on the ground. We'll work more organically, more dynamically, so that change can be made as change is needed, instead of years after it would have been useful.

Religion, Science, and Politics will learn they are all looking at the same picture and will each find ways to describe it so they can understand each other, and allow each other to exist without turmoil, and even work together eventually. This change will of course take much longer than merely a year, but the fire for this has been set and we'll all be better for it... when the smoke clears.

PS - Yes, I am predicting the current Pope will die this year and that his successor will likely be Arinze, the "Black Pope" from Nigeria.

The times they are a'changing....

Best wishes for the New Year to one and all. I didn't make any New Year's resolutions this year. I rarely do. I learned long ago that I don't stick to them very well. The only one I recall being serious about was the one I made when I was 30 yrs old. I vowed not to get married at 30. I was aware that a lot of people go through a life evaluation around 30 yrs old and they sometimes make dumb decisions based on someone else's goals or benchmarks. I was aware that 30 was kind of an old maid deadline. I preferred to stay single than to give in to such nonsense. Damned if I was going to let that sort of pressure get me stuck in a marriage that might or might not be right for me.

I hated being 30. It was like a bad joke. No one is really 30. They're pretending to be 29 or they're something else, but not precisely 30. I was glad to turn 31. At that point, it was like the pressure was off. Anyone who thought I should be whatever by 30 had given up? ;) I however felt like I'd managed to dodge all the bullets and got on with my life!

No idea what got me into that tangent, but such is the way with quicksilver. *grin* You never know where it's gonna flow...

Christmas with my family... There's just no way to describe how wonderful it is to be with my family, anytime. We're so BradyBunch that it might frighten some people. I don't care. I love it. For me, it's normal to love and be loved by the people to whom you're related. We don't just pay each other lip service owed by an unwritten creed of how family members should be. We actually do care about each other. We enjoy each others company. We have fun together! We enjoy our history together and look forward to where our lives will take us. There is a deep compassionate connection and a promise of continuity which I wish every person could feel with their own family.

I am the oldest of five children. All of us are married. The other four have children. There have been divorces and some blending, but I count all my nieces and nephews equally, regardless of bloodlines. My parents are terrific role models. They are just damned good people, to us and to everyone they meet. I try to emulate that, as do my siblings. Their children are learning the same. My grandparents were marvelous people too. I don't know how many generations of us have been decent citizens of the world, but I'm glad I was born into this legacy. No one is perfect, but the base is there, the solid foundation of integrity and humanity is there. I cherish this gift and I'm glad to see it's being carried into the future.

As the year turns once again, I wish love and laughter to all. I wish every child could know the love, comfort and support that my nieces and nephews know.... the same love, comfort and support that I grew up with and which carries me through every day of my life.

Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward All.

Here's a quiz for ya - How Smart Are You? ~~~ I got 9 out of 11. One error is a matter of interpretation, imo. The other, well, I had a lapse in biblical discernment. Sosume :)

And now... selected trivia:

In the late 19th century, millions of human mummies were used as fuel for locomotives in Egypt where wood and coal was scarce, but mummies were plentiful.

The average human produces 25,000 quarts of spit in a lifetime, enough to fill two swimming pools.

An American Animal Hospital Association poll showed that 33% of dog owners admit that they talk to their dogs on the phone or leave messages on an answering machine while away.

When the Black Death swept across England one theory was that cats caused the plague. Thousands were slaughtered. Ironically, those that kept their cats were less affected, because they kept their houses clear of the real culprits, rats.

The air we breathe is 78% nitrogen, 21.5% oxygen, .5% argon and other gases.

100 Things About Me
1. I hate these things and yet I do them anyway.
2. I'm a 5'7" redheaded woman with blue eyes and freckles.
3. I'm a redhead til I'm dead, regardless of how bleached my hair may get from age.
4. I liked growing up in central Kentucky. It was free from most natural hazards and poisonous creatures.
5. I used to hate spiders. Now I just really really dislike them and wish they'd live away from me.
6. I don't mind snakes, unless they're being sneaky. I like the feel of their skin.
7. I like the smell of horses, cut grass, honeysuckle, babies...
8. I make great use of my three most valuable innate skills: association, assimilation, and pattern recognition.
9. I am the oldest of 5 children.
10. I love my siblings. I am closest to my sister.
11. I love my parents. I am closest to my mother, but getting closer to my dad all the time.
12. I like soaking in the bathtub and letting the excess energy (stress) float away into the water so it may eventually go where needed.
13. I am 47 1/2 years old.
14. I like being me. I didn't always, but I learned.
15. I have had the privilege of knowing all my grandparents well. I still have a grandmother living. She's awesome.
16. I have the privilege of remembering a few moments with one great grandmother.
17. I learned how to be a friendly and sociable smart ass from my father's father.
18. I learned how to treat every person I meet with sincerity, fairness, and respect, from my father.
19. I learned how to care for people, sometimes at personal risk, from my mother.
20. I learned the habit of singing song snippets cued by words, from my mother. Makes life fun.
21. I have online friends who are as dear to me as anyone I have ever known offline.
22. I find it annoying that I have to refer to these people as eFriends to my family because most of them are not online.
23. I am Gemini Sun, Scorpio Moon, Libra Rising. That makes for a whole lot of people in my head.
24. I do not have Multiple Personality Disorder, technically.
25. I burn to a crackly crunch in more than fifteen minutes of sunshine.
26. I love to meet brand new humans and secretly welcome them to this lovely planet.
27. I like the taste of sauerkraut juice and dill pickle juice and lemon juice....
28. I don't mind ignorance at all, but I abhor stupidity, especially willful stupidity.
29. I am intolerant of intolerance.
30. I wear glasses because I'm myopic and I don't like bumping into things or seeing the world as a big fuzzball.
31. I think I will live to see the New Year when I'm 92, but won't stick around for my 93rd birthday in 2050.
32. I love mercury, the element. I love its silver fluidity, its weight, and its seemingly independent motion.
33. I love the color purple, but not that reddish violet color, I mean real (blue) purple.
34. I am inexplicably infatuated with the image of the Egyptian jackal-headed god Anubis.
35. I have little or no interest in traveling outside the continental US, except maybe to see the pyramids at Giza or in the Yucatan Peninsula.
36. I think I am a reincarnated Atlantean.
37. I think I may not bother to reincarnate again.
38. I have seen ghosts.
39. I have really long arms and legs. My arm span is longer than my height and it's not supposed to be.
40. I didn't get married until I was 33.
41. I am terrible at math, but great at logic. Go figure.
42. I know I existed before I was born, and I know I will exist after this body dies. It's just transformation.
43. I have a technical side and an artistic side which work well together into graphics and web design.
44. I have often been told I'm a great listener and give good advice.
45. I believe in the inherent goodness of people and trust them until they force me to re-evaluate that trust
46. I have good instincts and my intuition has improved with age.
47. I have created my own patchwork of spiritual beliefs and views of the cosmos which I'm constantly revising.
48. I remember feeling slighted when I was little, and I know it was just because my siblings needed more attention at the time. It still hurts.
49. I sometimes cry over really stupid stuff, but I've learned that's okay.
50. I prefer cats rather than dogs.
51. I don't like to go to the dentist unless something is hurting me more than the dentist can hurt me.
52. I have a really low gag threshhold and even the suggestion of hair in my food can make me gag.
53. I don't think bodily functions are all that funny. In fact, I'd like to skip some.
54. I can make software dance. I used to break software for a living. Same process, different purpose.
55. I think I'd like to be cremated when I die. I just can't decide where my ashes should be scattered.
56. I tried a lot of different majors in college, incl computer science, vocal music, electronics engineering...
57. I have an Associate of Science Degree in Art, and probably enough leftover credits for a bachelor's degree
58. I am not a morning person. My best hours are from about 10pm to 3am
59. I actually get a cold sore on my lip after I have a picture taken. I think it's a nervous reaction.
60. I can make things work out even when there's not much to work with. There is always a way.
61. I can always find silver linings, always. They are always there. Sometimes it's a long search.
62. I have a hard time accepting appreciation, but I'm working on that.
63. I would choose these three books if stranded on a desert island: Shakespeare's complete works, the Bible, and a thick blank book to write in. (Guess I'd need a pencil too :)
64. I am one of the smartest people I know, and the main thing I know is that I don't know everything.
65. I got very high scores in spacial relations areas on SAT/ACT tests. I can visualize better than anyone I know.
66. I have a gift for being able to break down even the most complicated stuff so the simplest person can understand it.
67. I have a way of finding the essence of an issue or concept.
68. I am a master with metaphor, simile, and analogy. Everything can be explained with something else.
69. I am learning to allow myself to experience emotion without editing it to death.
70. I have also discovered that all the 'bad' emotion I unplugged in earlier years cut me off from a lot of good emotions.
71. I am sometimes overwhelmed by all the little marvels of this world and the wonder of this universe.
72. I cried the morning my youngest niece was born, before I knew that's what was causing the feelings of parting heaven, joy of life, and relief.
73. I have learned to temper my temper with a 5 second gap between anger and action.
74. I actually own a piano, which my grandmother has now because hers went kaput.
75. I can read music but I play mostly by ear.
76. I have been male in other lifetimes. I remember.
77. I have a very warm and sometimes powerful speaking voice.
78. I have a good singing voice but I usually only sing for me.
79. I think nearly all children and animals love me on sight. I reciprocate.
80. I will take suggestion, advice, expertise under consideration, but don't order me to do anything.
81. I am an extrovert, I even talk to people in elevators. Strangers often want to talk to me.
82. I am apparently perceived as a very open and available person, and I'm okay with that.
83. I often analyze stuff to death.
84. I once had a dream where I used astrological data to target optimal birth times and places for souls. I think it was memory.
85. I write a lot, then usually edit and tweak it to death before I'll release it.
86. I am a jack of all trades, mastered a few. It's hard to know just what to do when you can do almost anything.
87. I am almost tired of people telling me how clever I am. I know that. It doesn't pay much.
88. I don't work hard, I work smart.
89. I think I originally came to Earth by way of a route through Orion's Belt because that looks like the way 'home'.
90. I think I worked on or near Mars for a while as we terraformed Earth and worked on human genetics.
91. I was and have always been a researcher in cognitive processes. I've just done it through many guises and lifetimes.
92. I don't like being left. I preferred to be picked up, rather than dropped off.
93. I don't just like quicksilver, I -am- quicksilver.
94. I can think in HTML. I love the instant gratification of making webpages.
95. I love languages and symbols.
96. I am fascinated with Astrology because of its symbolic language and geometry and spatial relations.
97. I have often thought I was born about 50 yrs too soon because I'd really like living virtually, but corporeal reality is fun too.
98. I have a vivid imagination, but that doesn't mean it's all make-believe. A lot of it's true.
99. I didn't have nearly enough on this list on the first go, so I went back and stuffed more things in, sometimes randomly.
100. I would have been bored with reading this, long before now.
I'd like to point out that nothing on this list is for shock value or weird-o-meter points.

What's Your Element? Air
What kind of blogger are you? Social
What Kind of Soul Are You? Visionary
Which of your friends is most likely to get you to take these silly quizzes? Xan
What would you like to do to that friend to get even? I'm still working on it. :)

Link: Universal Declaration of Human Rights

In 1948, the General Assembly of the United Nations adopted and proclaimed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Why, then, should any member nation object to action which deposes a person or government of another member nation which has unquestionably violated this Declaration?

We take Human Rights for granted in the United States, but the nations of the world also recognize the concept. At least, they did in 1948. Have we lost this in the last 50 years?

Not only are we aware of countries still in violation of Human Rights, but we need to look more carefully at ourselves, here, in the United States.

Why aren't the nations of the world adhering to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights? Why aren't member nations enforcing this doctrine, particularly among member nations?

I can feel the holiday season ramping up. Always hectic, but usually fun too. I gotta remember to enjoy the journey and not let the dates on the calendar distort life too much, eh?

Frackinrassinfussingarflesnicket! <--- read: Frustration! I am SO frustrated when I see people working so hard to divide themselves up instead of coming together. It is completely exasperating, on any scale. WHY do humans work so hard to find differences when it would be so much better for all if they focused on similarities?

The latest annoyance (<--understatement) is in a dissertation written by the pastor of my mother's church. She's the secretary, and sends us a copy of their monthly bulletin. In this blurb the pastor says he's about to embark on a series of study which basically shows why everyone else but Christians are 'wrong' about God. PULEEEEZE.

Why are humans still doing this? Haven't we subdivided ourselves enough? Haven't we hurt and killed each other enough over this? More than enough? Way too much? Don't the various groups of extremists see that they are guilty of the very thing they're accusing the other extremists of doing?

Never in my life have I wanted so much to stand on top of the world and shout "QUIT IT!" Why must they pick on each other so? It seriously breaks my heart as I watch people using 'love' to judge each other, to malign each other, to beat each other up, and even kill each other.

Please, God, make it stop. You started it. They twisted it. Please, God, make it stop.

Dangit, Xan. Where do you find these things?
I've spent time in, or at least driven through, the states in red. I didn't count the states I've only seen from the inside of an airport terminal.

create your own visited states map

Mom & Dad arrived Thursday afternoon and they're visiting through Sunday!! So, I'm away and enjoying my folks in real life. :)

I am fiscally conservative and socially liberal, almost in the extreme in both cases. Do whatever you want, so long as it doesn't cost me anything, or hurt me, and don't try to make me be like you. I want this acid test to apply to all, not just to protect my own resources, my own well-being, my own individuality, but to protect all individuals in the same way.

I've noticed a reinforcement of one major thing during this election schtuff: People who think the government should redistribute wealth more evenly... usually have nothing.

The Have-Nots are the Gimmees, while they claim the Haves are on the Take.
The Haves just want to keep what they have, because they usually had to work to get it.

It's rather annoying irony really.
I wonder what it would take to make a viable Libertarian Party, and if it could be done without becoming politically zealous like the other two parties? I fear that may just be how sausage is made and my whole point is... I don't want a truly free-thinking, tolerant philosophy ground into mush and shoved into a casing. Dayam.

And now watch as the quicksilver churns... by making a political comment:
Kerry's concession today is an example of my problem with him and his credibility, or lack thereof. He and his group have been adamantly preaching that they would fight til the last, they would wait until every vote was counted, no matter what. They did not. I really do appreciate that they did not repeat the turmoil of 2000, BUT, neither did they DO what they SAID they would do, what they promised they would do. It's not so much that they had a choice, but that they made a big promise, had no idea if they would keep it, or even need too. It was reiterated in the wee hours of the night, emphatically. Then, a 'nevermind' came along with the concession today. For me, this is a classic example of saying what they think we want to hear, without the conviction of following through, without thought about what it is they're really promising. This is not what I want from government officials.

On top of Kerry's record of flip-flopping on issues, of saying he supported This, but he voted That way... I must say his last action as a presidential candidate has verified for me that I made the right decision. I guess it's the old addage, the reason the incumbent usually wins... It's the devil you know, vs the devil you don't. It's hard for me to know much about someone whose actions and words do not mesh.

Whether I agree with all of Bush's policies and decisions or not, I do feel that he is credible, that he believes what he says and will act on what he believes. That's all I want from a politician. Say what you mean and act accordingly. Alas, it appears to be a rare quality. If you want my support, you have to win my trust first. To win that, you have to walk your talk.

I'd like to be apolitical. I'd like for the whole country and the world to be apolitical. I'd like for all the walls to come down. We built 'em, let's break 'em. There is no Us and Them, there's only Us -- everyone and everything and every no-thing... all together as one thing. It would be really nice if this fact was recognized and honored, if we treated ourselves (therefore all) with respect and honor. Sure would cut out a lot of the violence. Let's argue over how best to be good to ourselves and each other, eh? I know a lot of factions think they've been doing that already, sometimes to the point of death, but they're really promoting "What I/We think is good for You..." We need to find goals and methods that work for the greater good, and eventually include most, if not all.

Yeah, I know, I'm a blind idealist and infernal optimist. But hey, I can dream, can't I?

Let's move on. Let's move forward. Let's learn to live together, and live well.

All Hallow's Eve approacheth and thus all the scawy movies come out of the dusty closets. Such holidays make every program manager's job easier for a week or so. I skip a lot of it. For me, there's too much unnecessary roughness. I like the psycho-thrillers and mysteries that make me think. They've done well if a shadow or sound makes me flinch, or my eyebrow quirks while I try to decipher what just happened and how. Flying body parts and blood are not intriguing or scary, just gross. A good horror movie will electrify my nerve endings, synaptic or otherwise, not trigger a gag reflex.

I saw a good movie tonight which I didn't expect to be all that much -- Gothika. I figured it was another venue for cashing in on Halle Berry and for Robert Downey Jr to pay off some legal and rehab fees. I was wrong. It was well done, good story, actually had some suspense in it with a reasonable dose of supernatural intrigue. As an observer, I was a step ahead of the plot, but not unduly so. Of course, about halfway through, I was thinking, "Why don't you stop screaming or running and just ask the dead girl's spirit what she wants?" But then, I guess that wouldn't make for good drama.

I believe in ghosts, in spirit communication, in hauntings even. However, I think anything 'bad' that comes from the spirit realm is just a misunderstanding. Frustration occurs on this side of the veil, and that side too. If you are trying to get someone's attention but they aren't listening, what steps do you have to take to be heard? Same thing over there, or more accurately, over here :) for I believe it's all the same place, but the 'living' only focus on a narrow band of the whole range of energy broadcasting at all times.

Think about it. Infinite radio signals are in the air, all the time, but you have to tune into a certain frequency to hear the music on a particular station. Well, we live on one frequency, but that doesn't mean it's the only one. They all run concurrently. It's our focus, our tuning, that makes it seem like this is all there is. It isn't.

One of the best films to demonstrate this, I think, was Sixth Sense. Yeah, for most people it's just fiction, I guess. But for me, it's a really good view of how it seems to work. I won't go into details of the movie in case someone reading this hasn't seen it. But I will say that it was a pleasant surprise for some moviemakers to 'get it', to show they understood about concurrent frequencies and that sometimes they touch, more easily that we tend to think.

Not sure why this time of year is deemed to be the time when the veil is thinnest, when the frequencies are more likely to cross. Maybe there's a moment every year where the whole broadcasting system gets resynchronized, or re-harmonized. I dunno. I do know that because it's become a benchmark, I take extra time to send out my own message across the wires, to thank my ancestors without whom I would not be, to thank all spirits who have been and are still experiencing this realm.

I add that if I can be of service, I am willing. No need to cause a ruckus. Just ask. I'll answer. :) Blessed be.

I'm not big on these quizzicle things, but I -am- a fan of Royo.

Seven
"How can I begin to hope
when I cannot sleep to dream?"

Which Royo Painting Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


And, well, this one looks a little like me (in somebody's dreams phht)


Which Aspect of Joseph Michael Lisner's Dawn are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Earlier this year, spouse went into Best Buy and got one helluva deal on an eMachine . It's a mega machine and a media marvel. He really needed a new computer. He's always had to make do with my hand-me-downs and the last one was about to die. I had patched and replaced, but it was seriously limping. I had long been afraid that the monitor was going to literally crash and burn.

Since then, I've been drooling over his flat panel monitor and 160Gb HD.
But now..... I HAVE ONE TOO.

I didn't get the same deal he did, but near it (with rebates). Plus, my flat panel monitor is 17" instead of 15". Muahahahaha! And my processor is a bit faster.

3200+ AMD Athlon XP Processor 2.2GHz
512MB RAM160Gb HD (7200 rpm)
NVIDIA GeForce4 MX upgraded to 8
Built-in 10/100 Ethernet LAN
DVD±RW
CD-RW
multiple media readers, incl flash
upgraded to incl TV and Radio Tuner
AND 17" flat panel monitor!
plus some other wee incidentals, ala media keyboard, mouse, speakers, yadda yadda

And NOW... I get to move all my crap off my old machine and learn all the changes in applications as well as wading through XP

But dayam, this is a niiiiice moochine. *grin!*

I'm molding, shaping, sculpting my own personal environment. This house is wonderful, great bones, but I'm finally able to start making it our home. I've schemed and dreamed since we moved in, even before that when I'd only seen pictures of the place. Now, I'm bringing these plans into reality. It feels GREAT.

I don't have a fortune to spend. A lot of the proceeds from the sale of the other house are going into prudent (and costly) enhancements to the property, BUT, I have enough to work with to make the living space more the way I'd like it. Spouse isn't into decor, although he can appreciate it when it's done. It's mostly to please me and dayam but it's been a long long time since I got to do such things.

I get to create and it feels good! Whether it's assembling ready-made elements, assembling ready-to-assemble furniture, or designing things and making them from scratch... it's all good :)

UPS and FedEx are going to know my address by heart. *grin* I'm awaiting several deliveries while I work on my projects. I've actually enjoyed shopping, even in brick and mortar stores. It's a good time, a fun time, a long overdue time. I am thankful.

.
Rant #143:
Environmental Evangelism

We cannot protect the environment as long as we're in it. We change things just by being here. All of the environmental preservationists and most of the conservationists are deluding themselves. If we wanted to return the Earth to a pristine state, we'd have to leave it. We are not outside the system doing harm to it. We are part of the system. We don't create messes from nothing, we only change what's already here. We can't truly destroy anything. The only conservation that counts is the Conservation of Matter and Energy. Everything we do changes something into something else. That's how the system works. We are agents of transformation, just like every other living thing and non-living thing on this planet.

The crusaders for animal rights and vegetarian diets do not consider all the habitats they may throw out of balance, nor the rights of all the plants killed, by their convictions. Moderate vegans don't consider the rights of aborted chickens when they choose to include eggs in their diet for protein. Animal ethicists don't know whether the spotted owl should thrive, or die off to make room for something else. These people aren't any more considerate, or humane, or conscientious than other people. They've simply chosen the animal kingdom as a focus for their fanaticism.

To live, we must eat. We are omnivores. We've always made use of materials around us, by moving rocks, cutting trees, rerouting water, kindling fires, thereby altering habitats. That's how we managed to survive and evolve as a species. We've relied on adaptation, and developed ingenuity to accomplish it. Plants consume. Animals consume. We consume plants and/or animals. If an individual chooses to restrict their diet or forego wood furniture to reportedly spare an owl, it's simply that, a choice. It behooves us to promote stewardship and practicality, like using the whole animal for food, clothing, even chemicals, instead of wasteful killing just for sport. But making blanket rules for appropriate behavior concerning selected slivers of the natural order, determined by a nanosecond of experience with it, is ludicrous.

We do not impact the air, the water, or the land, any more than uncountable natural processes which have shaped this planet since it formed during the birth of this solar system. In fact, our impact is an infinitesmally small percentage of change by comparison. To suggest that human activity is overriding the natural operation of this globe is phenomenal arrogance and/or naivete. We affect it, yes, but to think we can guide how and what we change with knowledge of ultimate results is even greater arrogance and/or naivete. We are barely beginning to understand how anything works. We haven't a prayer of designing actions to achieve particular outcomes in order to "Save The Earth!"

Why stress over the global effects of bovine flatulence and auto emissions when one good-sized volcanic eruption puts out more gasses than every cow and car in the history of the world? It's ignorant, in the extreme. Even when we play around with nuclear fission and create toxicity we had to invent words to describe, we didn't import the radioactive material from another planet. The only imports presently come from meteorites. We just manipulated some of the building blocks here. If we have a problem with the results, then we need to learn to adjust our methods. We also need to realize that the whole concept of toxicity is relative to our own welfare, not the health of the planet. She's seen a lot worse than we could ever dish out.

One basic fallacy is that all the environmental preaching is about the Earth. It isn't. It's about humanity. The environmentalists can say they're concerned about the Earth all they want, but they're not. They're concerned about humans. They want to fuss over what we do, but the only reason our activities hit their radar is when we're doing something harmful to us. The ozone layer has cycles based on natural cycles here on the planet. We only got concerned about it when it looked like depletion was harming us. And we think we caused it. So we want to fix it. So it won't hurt us.

The real irony is that if the environmental evangelists would get off their high-horses and realize their true motivation, then we might get somewhere with environmental goals. Joe Schmoe may not give a flying rat's ass about how his use of aerosols impacts the Earth. However, he might give a thought to how his spray deodorant is winning friends but influencing his chances of getting skin cancer from ultraviolet rays and radiation slipping through a hole in the ozone layer. Maybe that's a stretch for Joe, but the EE's are going to have to find ways to tie the actions to the harm and make it personal before people will change.

We're only interested in saving the Earth because we want to save Us, so the EE's should market it that way. They also need to pick their fights better and get away from trying to dictate how people -should- live. Offer choices and detail consequences. Forget the moral appeal, it doesn't. Devise alternatives instead of campaigns. Find ways to make ecology economical. Let the masses decide. If it's cheaper, easier, less painful, or just more fun, they'll do it. If they can see a correlation to their own lives, or their immediate environment, they may just take up the banner. But very few are likely to make changes based on long-range guesstimates for an overall change in a planet they take for granted. Besides, we're not mucking up all of that, we're just crapping in our own cages and that's where we need and truly want to make a difference. In truth, it's the only place we really -can- make a difference. We can maybe do something about our little mole hills. The mountains will take care of themselves, as they always have.

Got it! Well, the bank has it, but it's still ours. *sigh* Even better, we're no longer making mortgage payments on the old place. Whew. That is a load off, as you can imagine. And so, life moves onward and upward. I am a much happier camper, that's for sure. *smirk* I'm even in the mood to do some shopping, which anyone who knows me will tell you is not at all like me. But hey, I'm long overdue for a bit of a spree.

DONE. Closed. Signed. Sealed. Check for the proceeds to be FedEx'd to us overnight, and so we merely await delivery. I am thankful. I expect this to be the last paragraph in the 4 yr chapter on financial juggling. Pardon me while I go collapse with relief.

Today? Huh? Yeah? Maybe today? Third time's a charm didn't do it. Today is the fourth time the closing has been scheduled. New title company, new lender... So.... maybe.... We'll see.

The quakes at Mount St Helens are gradually increasing in strength, now up to 3.5 magnitude. The mountain is now venting steam and some ash. Even scientists are now saying an eruption is imminent. Central California is still rumbling significantly, around 5.0 with scads of lower level rumbles in between. This seismic activity is actually occurring on at least three different fault lines.

Although I seriously expected this sort of thing because of the Toutatis passage, I could never determine where the activity would be in the world. My suspicion was the US, but that was an intuitive and not an educated guess. I knew it depended on the weak surface points and what was on the tangent between the Earth's EMF and the asteroid's EMF, or at the very least, the angles involved.

My point is that a space object does not have to hit another to make an impression. This point seems to have escaped the scientific community, or they're just not talking about it. Then again, they're into precision, so if they can't predict precisely, they don't usually count it. The other problem is specialization. We have quake guys, volcano guys, hurricane guys, and asteroid guys. But they don't talk to each other or look at what the others are doing? Maybe it takes a layman (or woman;) to stand back from the gauges far enough to see the bigger picture.

Imagine two magnets. Imagine one is spherical and rotating regularly (Earth) and one is quite oddly shaped and tumbling erratically (Toutatis). One is greatly larger than the other. Both are in regular orbits. Their orbits nearly intersect and they travel somewhat together for a time because they're on approximately the same orbital plane and share part of their elliptical paths.

Now, just try to guess where the pressure between the two magnetic fields will begin, where it will be strongest, where it will start to fade as the two magnets pull away from each other again.

It certainly appears now that the median of the interactive forces was/is the west coast of the US. Maybe even in a sweep of the northern hemisphere between Japan (record tsunamis) and North America (quakes and volcanic activity). It may even be a matter of disturbing the general and infamous weakness of the Pacific Ring of Fire, but focused along the northern portion because of the Earth's angle of rotation.

And now we'll see what happens when that applied pressure is relieved, ie, as the lid comes off the tapper kettle.

If we really want to understand the Earth, we also need to look at the neighborhood, with the same eyes.

Today, the eTrade loan chick, aka gdmf barbie-headed bitch who is handling our buyers' loan, has once again sauteed the closing by reversing her earlier assessment of a crucial element. And, there's no legal way around it to please eTrade and their mindless twit so they'll make the loan. Please note this is something a real bank making real mortgages allows every day of the week. Also note that the eTrade bimbo had us all change the controversial figure two weeks ago, so it was okay THEN. But now, the day before the closing (which had already been delayed a week because of the feckless wench's little holiday) she has decided it's an unacceptable point at all. Thus, tomorrow's closing was killed.

SO... the buyers went on the hunt for another mortgage source. They have reportedly found a local bank which will take it. The local bank swears they can get the closing done on Monday or Tuesday at the latest. Like we're supposed to believe that after all the bullshit thus far? Of course, this guarantees our credit file will get tagged with a 30-day late flag.... the first blemish since the bankruptcy from which we're trying to recover so we can bring -this- house's mortgage rate down from astronomical into a more breathable stratoshpere.

But, such is life, eh? And such is war, and war is hell... much like real estate.

High incidence of hurricanes and typhoons, and now, volcanic rumblings, strings of earthquakes... See my crackpot theory posted on September 14th. I naturally wonder how far this goes. I'm thinking there's more as Toutatis pulls away. It came closest this morning. It's nearly in our orbital plane, so it will continue to travel along with us, slowly creeping away. About mid-October, it will have pulled away to the same distance as mid-September when the run of hurricanes began. Toutatis' own elliptical orbit breaks away from ours in mid-November. As noted, I suspect the pull will manifest a bit differently than the push, and the pull started today. Guess we'll see. Maybe we've seen all the effects, maybe not.

Got a call from our real estate agent today. She calmly said the closing is scheduled for Friday at noon. Friday? What happened to today? Well... Buyers' mortgage agent (eTrade, make a note) has been MIA since Thursday. Finally surfaced today. Wondered why everyone's in a huff. She ignored the fact that the closing deadline was last Friday or that the buyers' rate lock-in expired on Sunday. Anyway, today's out. Who the hell knows why tomorrow isn't possible. Friday is October 1, the point at which our mortgage payment will be 30 days late. We didn't make a September payment because our mortgage company (Chase, make a note) can take weeks to post payments. We were afraid that thousand dollars would get lost when the Title Company called for a payoff.

It will get done. It will. <----- my mantra

Ok, now we're getting somewhere. We got the FedEx today, signed zee paperz, and shipped them back. Should be a closing tomorrow afternoon. Then the check is in the mail to us. I will be ever so glad but I'm saving my enthusiam til after it happens. Can't help it. Experience can be a hard teacher.

Delay of game. Are we surprised? Not really. More paper not getting to the right person at the right time. More games of phone tag. I'm only surprised by Astrocenter's prediction being off by at least a week.

Fortunately we are not directly involved in these paperwork machinations. Unfortunately, our money is. From this end, it's just a phone call saying when and what's gonna happen, followed by another phone call saying it ain't. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

It's going to eventually happen, but at present, no man or woman or real estate agent or title clerk or mortgage officer or buyer or seller... can know the hour or the day.

Earliest possible right now, with the FedEx-ing that must be done even after the papers are collected, is Wednesday. If it doesn't happen then, well, we get to sign another paper extending the deadline.

Thrilling, no?
No.

tick tock tick tock ..... *check clock, check calendar*.... Did I mention that patience is not my long suit?
C'mon closing. I want that mortgage off my back and that check in the mail, yesterday.

Closing week is here. We should be getting a FedEx of paperwork to sign and send back so it will be available Friday. We've done a remote closing before. Worked fine. Let's get this thang done, and let the fat lady sing her arse off.

Gotta love Astrocenter.com's blurb for me for this week. It includes the following statements: This is very positive week for you... This means that your life may begin to flow that much more easily in a number of areas. For a start, the emphasis will be off of your home and family... At the start of the week the Sun conjuncts Jupiter, which may bring a happy conclusion to a saga involving your personal and private life, or perhaps the sale or purchase of a property.

By golly, I'd have to day that's spot on.

I'm irritable, impatient, restless, and frustrated, over nothing and everything. While I'm usually very tolerant of other people and their gripes, I'm not right now. I feel that most of them are whining, narrow-minded, irrational, or just stupid

This grating intolerance is not me. Is it hormonal? Has my shielding finally thinned out to nothing? Am I just too freakin raked over in my own life to have any positive energy left? Or, are people indeed griping more? Is everyone's life feeling like sandpaper right now? It's not just every day life. It's also weather and war and politics and crime... All the BS seems to be escalating.

Here's a crackpot theory for ya... As I've mentioned to some, I believe a nearby asteroid is contributing to the disturbances over the surface of this planet. Yes, I know that military and political conflict, as well as extreme weather and other geological turmoil, are cyclical in nature. But I swear I'm convinced that the asteroid Toutatis is magnifying these disturbances with its approach. The pressure is on and building. An asteroid doesn't pop onto the scene for a day then pop out again. Toutatis has been approaching and will come closest on September 29th/30th, then will pull away. It's one of the largest of the known asteroids which regularly passes close to the Earth, and it's coming as close as it has been since about 1801.

I am not suggesting there will be a comet impact, only that the near passage creates friction between the electromagnetic fields of Toutatis and Earth. It's not a monstrous clash, but enough to put extra pressure on the approach and tug on retreat. It certainly feels like we're under pressure right now.

If my suspicion is correct, then I expect a different sort of disturbance on Toutatis' exit. I would logically expect all the pressure points to go in the other direction, ie, the lid comes off, in some cases. Over the next few months after the closest point (end of Sept), I wouldn't be surprised to find that some conflicts come to a head and then maybe get resolved or just fade out of focus. I also feel there will be an increase in geologic effects. It makes sense to me that if pressure is being applied to already tense spots (ala faults and volcanoes), then the asteroid's tug as it pulls away may bring a lot of that stored energy to the surface, more suddenly and violently than if the pressure had not been applied.

In other words, we may be in a pressure cooker that most of the world isn't aware of, except for the effects, which seem to bear no correlation to each other. I think there IS a correlation and it's a funky shaped rock spinning past this planet.

Then again, I could be wrong.

House closing scheduled for Sept 24th. I'd really like that. We've worked the deal to death with the buyers, including adjustments for appraisal. I think all the hoops we had to jump have been cleared. The real estate agents on both sides are confident in the buyers' ability to jump their own mortgage hoops. Yeah, it's hard to type with my fingers crossed but I'm not really trusting anything until the closing is done and the proceeds are on their way to us. It would be really nice to have made the last mortgage payment on that house, so we can get on with our lives in this one.... which I still love.

Good to go Home and good to be back. Although I dreaded the long drive, I really enjoyed the journey as well as the destinations. Mom & Dad's house is home base, always, and for these trips as well. Wherever I visit in the area, I do it from there. We had a mini-reunion Thursday night at Mom & Dad's house. We'd thought about gathering at a restaurant but it was much better to have sandwiches and leisurely company on the back porch. The weather throughout the extended weekend was gorgeous. I feel for everyone further east who was under the bucket of Hurricane Frances, but still appreciate the sunshine and mild temperatures in the Ohio River Valley.

The first few days of my visit were chillin' and refillin' with lots of family. Nothing better. Then on Sunday morning I collected up three of my nieces so we girls could have a road trip to Grandma's reunion. Carmen, Samantha and Dana B are all hovering 15 yrs of age. Since I'm their cool aunt, instead of mom or whatever, they seemed to feel free to say what's on their mind (ie, they could gripe openly about what Mom and/or Dad and/or other adults say :) I totally understand some of the aggravation of being a teenager, especially a teenage girl. I remember all too well and told them some of my gripes from then. It was great to relate with them. I promised that it does get better. The best thing is just to really get into the stuff you enjoy and do the rest as required. It can be balanced out. Use the good stuff to endure the crap, basically.

The reunion was good. It's a pot luck with lots of conversation in between samplings. I know it's hard for a lot of families to imagine 30 or 40 family members mixing together well. It sounds so boring to say that the whole day and all contacts were pleasant, enjoyable, a real treat, but I swear it's true. Even some personalities that might be on the fringe of harmonious are still pleasant. All of us are really good at making nice with each other and meaning it. Good food, good conversation, lots of laughter, playful teasing, hugs and kisses... I want to joke and say it's almost sickening, but honestly, it's wonderful.

I stayed overnight with Grandma afterwards. I like that because I get her all to myself for a while. We don't do anything earth-shattering. We watch a little TV, have a late night snack, talk about whatever topic comes up. We can do that so easily, even though there's 50 yrs between us. On Monday we took a drive to run a couple of errands for her, but we'd forgotten about the Labor Day holiday making them undoable. So, we just enjoyed the ride together. I say again, my Grandma is terrific, not only for a woman her age, but just for being all that she is.

I also enjoyed the ride back here. I took my time, stopped overnight halfway, did a little sight seeing. I think I'd like more of these sorts of trips, not just by car or between here and Home. I've been thinking of lots of places I'd like to see, exotic places, ancient places. I'm hoping I'll soon have an opportunity to go on these treks. We'll see.

In the meantime, I have GOT to get Home more often. It just isn't good for me to go so long without being really in touch with my family, more than phone calls and email. I just gotta be with them now and then, because I love them so and feel so loved when I'm with them. Yeah, I know it's there all the time, but it's good to have it wrapped all around me.

So... This week I go Home, at last. I'm going home to see my folks. I haven't been since Easter. I haven't been since before my Dad had his surgery. I'm long, long, long overdue for a trip home, to hug my Mom and Dad, siblings, in-laws and outlaws, nieces and nephews. My 93 yr old Grandma will have her annual family reunion as scheduled, on the Sunday before Labor Day. I'm going there too, and get a big hug or several with her as well.

I talked to Grandma on the phone last weekend. She's an amazing woman. She's got her act together, still. It's been a long-running wonderful show. She's humble and generous and full of common sense as well as outright intelligence. I hope I'm growing up to be like her. My mother's like her, so there's hope it's being passed down. I've gotten a lot from my Dad and his family too. In fact, I've inherited quite a phenomenal legacy from both sides, as far back as I have traced them so far. I'm proud to carry all my ancestors along with me, and they're not a bit heavy. They give me a considerable lightness of being. They've known how to make the best of tough situations, and how to be grateful when the going is easier. Excellent skills.

Anyway, I'm going Home... to get me some more o' that.

And, I'm bringing it back with me. Dad's doing great, so he and Mom are going to come here and see the new place. I'll be glad to have the extra time with them.

Anticipation.... Anticipaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-ation.... Is makin' me late... Keepin' me waa-aaa-aaaitin'...
We can never know about the days to come, but we think about them anyway...

I wrote a whine. I deleted it. Sooner or later, everything will work out.

Waiting, waiting, waiting... for the house sale to happen.
Have I mentioned that patience is not my long suit?

In Brief...

I am grateful that E et al made it through hurricane Charley crossing Florida. I hope Bill and Skya and their families are okay as the tempest passes. I am grateful that Xan and the Xoo were not harmed by fire. Naturally I wish the best for all my loved ones, even if they aren't immediately in harm's way. I thank the Powers for all care and tending.

I am hopeful that the appraisal on our house was satisfactory and the sale will proceed apace. I am once again hopeful that Ghost will be coming to the Ark, since his other job fell through. In the meantime, I ask that he and his family will be cared for.

I am thankful for Dad's continued terrific recovery, and for Mom's continued strength. I look forward to being with them for a while when I go home for Grandma's family reunion on Labor Day weekend.

Today's Straw: The War in Iraq
What frosts my wheaties about the war is not so much that we went or why we're 'really' there or who knew what and when and who exaggerated and all that. It's the foggy-headed comparisons to Vietnam... yeah, Viet-friggin-Nam! Anyone old enough to know about Vietnam should know better than to think our excursions into Iraq are remotely comparable.

I'm so apolitical it's scary, and I avoid news whenever possible, but even so, I've finally heard enough of this bullshit to peg my irritation meter.

Vietnam. Go read about it if you don't remember seeing slaughter on the evening news every night for ten years. The entire Iraqi business, including the first time we went over there to bail out Kuwait, doesn't add up to one year of death resulting from Vietnam. Claiming that our troops are currently in the same position now as they were then is an insult to every name on the wall in Washington and all the names we don't even know because we lost track of them in the swamps. It's an affront to every Vet who came back broken and even the guys who broke up their lives to avoid the meat grinder in Asia.

I'm sorry but our current volunteer military is made up mostly of people who wanted college money or couldn't find a civilian job. They are NOT facing the same thing as all those tens of thousands of drafted young men who found themselves fighting deep in the swamps, or in ragged streets where even children could be explosive.

Don't get me wrong, I support everyone we've sent to Iraq. I want every single one of them to come home, safe and sound. I support their families, especially those who have lost or will lose a loved one. But, this is not Vietnam, and this current lot of soldiers isn't likely to return home to people spitting on them or threatening to harm them on our streets too.

Yes, there's danger in Iraq and people are being killed, on both sides. War is like that. People die. If we don't want any more of that, then we must find ways around it. But... don't for a minute try to say that a few hundred deaths in a year equals a hundred in a day.

We're not going in and bombing the shit out of acres of people like we did in Vietnam, Cambodia, etc. We're trying to drop food and supplies for them. We're not wedging ourselves between two obvious factions. We knocked out a man who was committing crimes against humanity and maybe, just maybe, afforded a beaten and fractured population the chance to breathe long enough to figure out what they want. They couldn't dare think about it until now.

I don't know if it was really the right thing for us to go into Iraq. I don't know if we ever really had justification. But I have to say this, I'm damned glad we're not killing and being killed in massive numbers as it was with Vietnam. We're still playing at war and I hate it, but at least we seem to be a little smarter about how we're playing it.

That incomplete list on the Vietnam wall in Washington has over 58,000 names on it. In the year and a half of the Iraqi war, the Coalition forces, not just the US alone, have lost about 1000 in Iraq.

Don't fucking tell me you see a resemblance between Iraq and Vietnam. Don't insult those who died there, or those who've spent every day since trying to figure out how to live with what happened there.

After more than a week of passing counter offers back and forth with the buyers, we're supposed to have a real contract for the sale of the old house as of Monday. According to our real estate agent, the buyers are anxious to get the closing done so they can get moved. We're all for that. It will be very nice to be out from under the additional mortgage payment and utilities, not to mention having the cash proceeds from the sale. Here's hoping.

Politics...
I'm with my soul-twin-sistah Xanadoodle on this one. I want candidates to express their own opinions and visions. Then I could pick those who are best aligned with my own set. (And lets put electrodes on their nads that let us know if they're lying *weg*) Speak from your heart, as sincere servants of the people, and I will listen earnestly. I'll shovel the rest and turn it every so often until its useful under the roses.

Maybe we should do it like a dating service? Have each candidate fill out a survey of general questions, philosphical questions about life, the universe, and everything. Then we publish their answers. Then we vote. If their actions stray too far from their survey, well... technology has come a long way with invisible electronic fences (ref previous mention of nad control).

Let's use campaign money more wisely. Let's teach the masses to fish instead of feeding them fish stories about what candidates did and did not do, think and do not think. The mudslinging literally just muddies the waters, making it hard for us to catch anything of real use.

At this stage, I'm just trying to avoid the serious bottom feeders. Unfortunately, it's hard to tell who's who in all the muck.

The Frog Princess made me do it (because she did it. Gads, I can be such a joiner. )

Tickle.com Classic IQ Test results
Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others — and at anticipating and predicting patterns. And that's just some of what we know about you from your IQ results.

I'd like to think they're right on most of that, but they're wrong on the math. I suck at math. It's not mathematics that helped me score a 140 on their test, but logic. Two different arenas, math and logic, even though they certainly intersect.

And Tickle.com wants money for the other 15 pages of what they think they know about me. Yeah, I sense a pattern, but again, I can choose to play in their free stuff and skip the rest.  Let's see what they think of my 140 IQ now! muahahaha

Two scoops of raisins...
Now who does not hear the finish of that?
(...in a package of Kellogg's Raisin Bran :)
and now can you see some groovy raisins dancing to the soulful beat of  "Heard It Through The Grapevine"?

Of course we're subjected to crass commercialism day in and day out.  It's sort of like brainwashing, but we're smart and strong enough to resist, if we want to.  I can sing Oscar Mayer's praises at the top of my lungs and still buy Fischer's hot dogs, even though they're the bacon makin' people.

Nothing is all good or all bad. TV can rot brains but it can also awaken them.  Some commercials do a better job of getting us to think outside the box than getting us to buy what's in the box.  Other programming can have secret benefits. Syndication has bridged generation gaps and even geographical gaps, giving chunks of humanity common experiences where there were none before.  And what pays for TV? Advertising. 

Like everything else, it's a matter of what we do with it.

From time to time I've considered creating a silly quest or story based on what TV commercials have fed us over the years. That might be a creative use of the fodder and covert the urge to buy into snickers  (packed with roasted peanuts).

~ After A While ~
After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts,
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
And after a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure ...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn... and learn...
And with every goodbye, you learn.
 
By Veronica A. Shoffstall 
 
 

Among the things I do not miss...
the screech of a modem dialing up.
 
All cable! All the time!
Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!

Cryostasis might actually be a useful thing, a way to kill time without beating it to death. Why waste human kilowatt hours on days or weeks that drain energy with aggravation, annoyance, suffering, or even boredom? Why not skip forward a bit, suspend self and let the cycle pass? Of course, one might run the risk of being called... frozen chicken.  
 
Yes, the melancholia persists. 

UMS - Ugly Mood Swings. I didn't make that one up. I first heard it on Moonlighting, an 80's sitcom with Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd. I liked that show for the witty repartee between those two. It had a Taming of the Shrew sharpness to it and... I don't want to get off on that tangent.

I'm still experiencing ugly mood swings. I'm not getting many of the highs, but the lows are coming often enough and over the dumbest things. It's the monthly weepies only worse because they're not constrained by the calendar and I actually feel rather stupid at some of the things which are drawing tears. Part of me wants to just crawl in a dark hole and wallow in unjustified pity (over what? hellifino). Part of me wants to lean on the edge of the world and weep for all of humanities problems, or shed tears of joy for all the triumphs.

It really is a bit of a bother to just be crying a lot, in either direction. My frikken heart swells up and spills over onto my cheeks during the 'reveals' on the home improvement shows! I'd be a true puddle if I caught a Hallmark commercial. Hell, just thinking about those tightens my throat. What IS this?

I could write it off to hormonal flux, I guess, despite lack of physical evidence to bear it out. I know this perimenopausal process is far too long and much too harrowing when it flares up. I've been on the slippery slope for several years now and I've had quite enough. To borrow from Archie Bunker, "G'head, Edith. If yer gonna have a change of life, do it now. I'll give ya 30 seconds."

If my spouse had an iota of empathy or compassion in his person, I might curl up with him and have a good long cry. He doesn't, so I don't. For him, "hugging is faggoty" unless it's done horizontally. Crying is absolutely verboten in his presence. He has no idea what to do with it and I can feel him recoil into the next galaxy. Not very comforting.

I'm not all that shot in the ass about this tearfulness myself, but I think I would only do myself harm to try to bind it up and trap it within. I've come to believe that's how people end up with terminal illnesses, their bodies are riddled with stuff they wouldn't allow themselves to release. So, I'll just cry, reckon, til it's all cried out.

There are other effects going on as well. I'm worn out or irritated or frustrated. There are perhaps explanations but no real justifications, in my opinion. It's just a general grating with a myriad of manifestations.

I don't want to be numb, but I also don't want to be the volley ball batted back and forth across the net between the Warm Fuzzies and Cold Pricklies. I like a more even sailing with the occasional spikes. The blind slam dunks are starting to wear on me. Even more explanation than being an aging female would help. That excuse doesn't do much to lift one's spirits.

I almost feel as though I live in a resort park. I mean, the drive in or out is good paved road, but it's a winding narrow road through a tunnel of trees. Instead of passing house after house, most of the trip is only dotted with houses between stretches of forest.

From inside my house, the whole view out back is forest. When I'm laying in bed I can see nothing but trees through the two windows door. Same tree view from the kitchen nook bay and the living room. Only the dining room and guest room windows face the street.

It's like seeing my furniture in a nice resort lodge or something, but... I actually live here.

I know that when Fall comes and the trees go bare, there will be a few houses visible out back, albeit at some distance. I think I'm okay with that. Most of the view will still be the dark twisted fingers of trees reaching up into the sky.

We've had deer visiting, as well as birds and lizards and a host of squirrels. It's like living inside the grounds of a state park. It's just the sort of place I like.

Even as I've begun to scatter our things around in the new house, in order to make it more like a home, I don't ever want to take this scenery for granted. It's serenity straight from Mother Nature, and I thank her for her wonders.