A late night news report from IRC...
(nicks have been altered)
<QS> oh
<QS> my
<QS> god
<QS> Spouse... thankfully warned me first instead of being the boy-sticking-girls-pigtail-in-inkwell that he usually is
<QS> He spotted a CREATURE on our back porch on the end near the bedroom
<QS> He told me about the CREATURE
<QS> I thought he was teasing me
<QS> I thought he was fibbing or at least exaggerating
<QS> <blink>
* Tyr raises an intrigued eyebrow
<QS> The creature... <gulp>....
<QS> was a
<Tyr> PEEPING TOM!
<QS> big fucking TARANTULA
<Tyr> Oh..wait...this isn't a guessing game?
<Tyr> EW!
<Numpty> lol
<Tyr> I think I'd have preferred a peeping tom
<QS> No shit sherlock
<Numpty> rofl
<QS> I don't think it would fit in the palm of my hand
<QS> I'd rather DO a peeping Tom than have a taratula in my territory
<QS> I can't even type it consistently
<QS> geezusfukingchrist I hate spiders and I have been moved into the land of giant ones
<Tyr> I assume it's under the heel of a shoe now? And yes...that -is- one of the issues of moving further and further south...at least here, the majority of spiders are small(ish)
<QS> I really really do NOT appreciate the universe's sense of humor
<QS> HELL NO
<Numpty> tarantella
<QS> It's outside and I may never go outside again
<QS> Yeah I know that music and it's not bad, but I don't want its namesake on my porch
<QS> Apparently it did not see anything tasty to eat on our porch because it SHIFTED a few times then LUMBERED off into the dark
<QS> Here's another point and this will all be in a blog entry shortly
<QS> I called last week to hire a bug sprayer guy. He came JUST today.... yeah TODAY
<QS> And then this behemoth shows up tonight???
<Tyr> it was probably lurking around enjoying itself..then you went and killed all its prey..so it's gotten upset with you. <nodnod..>
<QS> To what? Thumb his whatever at us and say, "I no feeeear your freekin sprays"???
<QS> Damn, this sorta thing sure will make a girl forget all about her ailments for a bit
<QS> I mean, my heart is beating fast.
<QS> gawd what a beast
<Numpty> QS..they're harmless
<QS> Not for my heart and BP they ain't
<QS> hehe
<QS> I am almost arachnophobic
<QS> So a visit from their QUEEN is not exactly good for my constitution
<QS> It's not bites or poisons. I know some people keep 'em for pets
<QS> It's the the too-many-freakin-legs and all the sneaking around, and appearing out of nowhere, and staring at you
<QS> I dunno, maybe I was The Fly in a previous life
<QS> but they give me a serious case of the willies
<QS> I hope a damn bird eats this one.
<QS> <shudder>
<Tyr> Or it eats a bi..oh right, bird eats it.
<QS> I'll have to stay up long hours tonight and watch lots of Disney or something
<QS> <shiver>
<QS> whew <fan face> seriously
<QS> Honestly, its body was almost as big as a ping pong ball
<Tyr> Look on the bright side QS...it's not a scorpion, and it doesn't have wings. There's nothing worse than puttering around your kitchen and frowning cause the light seems to be flickering...only to discover the reason it's flickering is there's the hugest, ugliest moth you've ever seen flying around.
<QS> lol
<QS> I don't think I will even mind scorpions as much. There's no phobia lurking in my psyche concerning them.
<Tyr> I hate sleeping and hearing fluttering of wings, or buzzing or anything suggesting there's a bug within the same vincinity as my bed. At least spiders are -quiet- (though even more freakishly disturbing if you feel one, or any bug, crawling on you)
<QS> I -think- I read in my research before coming here that the scorpions are relatively small and not poisonous enough to harm humans much
* Numpty blinks
<Numpty> Scorpions sting..as far as I know, tarantulas just are big and ugly <g>
<Tyr> Same token, most spiders aren't either. Even Tarantulas
<QS> I may have to talk Spouse into letting me have a cat
* Numpty grins
<QS> Although if it brought me even a dead tarantula as a 'gift'... I'd likely pass out
<Numpty> why..no self respecting cat will hunt spiders!
<QS> Oh yes they will too
<QS> I had a hero for a while years back, Max (Maximillian)
<Numpty> that's what they want you to THINK
<QS> He kept the apartment clear of spiders
<QS> hehe
<QS> "New Mexico has one scorpion that is deadly. The rest have a sting that is about as strong as a bee or wasp"
<QS> also saw that scorpions are not aggressive and generally only sting if you press on them
* QS will more aggressively shake out her shoes now... at arm's length even.
<QS> up to 6 inch centipedes are in these parts too and they bite
<QS> Right now I almost feel I am in the Land That Time Forgot!
<QS> Fortunately I am not really worried about these things getting in the house much, if ever. We're on a slab. It's new construction and pretty tightly so. The only problem is that twice I caught a door cracked open hours after spouse left the house. Every morning he goes out and takes a walk aound the house perimeter with his cup of coffee.
<QS> It is unlikely that these things would be free ranging in the daytime, so I just have to check the doors
<QS> and keep tub drains closed... and shake out my shoes... and....
<QS> hehe
<Numpty> LOL
<Numpty> oh my
<Tyr> She'sneverleavingthehouse
<QS> I gotta calm down
<Tyr> You'll be fine QS...think about it even tracingly rationally. A spider weighs what...couple of ounces? You can take 'em!
<QS> Kinda disturbing, this arachnophobia. I mean, I'm not that afraid of anything else, not snakes or heights or closed in places or...whatever
<QS> or clowns
<QS> like Tyr *thwap*
<Tyr> ow
<QS> I think this one was about half a pound, but yeah I have tried to rationalize and desensitize with that very argument
<QS> It works in my forebrain, but the hindbrain is still scared shitless to even see a small spider

PS - The intruder was more likely a male than a female. Reportedly, the males are bigger and the females rarely leave their homes. However, the same article said the males are usually darker, often black, but the females are usually brown and this one was brown. If this one was the female, I hope to never see the male. Nor do I want to contemplate that maybe this was a female and her home is actually at the edge of my porch!