Christmas with my family... There's just no way to describe how wonderful it is to be with my family, anytime. We're so BradyBunch that it might frighten some people. I don't care. I love it. For me, it's normal to love and be loved by the people to whom you're related. We don't just pay each other lip service owed by an unwritten creed of how family members should be. We actually do care about each other. We enjoy each others company. We have fun together! We enjoy our history together and look forward to where our lives will take us. There is a deep compassionate connection and a promise of continuity which I wish every person could feel with their own family.

I am the oldest of five children. All of us are married. The other four have children. There have been divorces and some blending, but I count all my nieces and nephews equally, regardless of bloodlines. My parents are terrific role models. They are just damned good people, to us and to everyone they meet. I try to emulate that, as do my siblings. Their children are learning the same. My grandparents were marvelous people too. I don't know how many generations of us have been decent citizens of the world, but I'm glad I was born into this legacy. No one is perfect, but the base is there, the solid foundation of integrity and humanity is there. I cherish this gift and I'm glad to see it's being carried into the future.

As the year turns once again, I wish love and laughter to all. I wish every child could know the love, comfort and support that my nieces and nephews know.... the same love, comfort and support that I grew up with and which carries me through every day of my life.

Peace On Earth, Good Will Toward All.

Here's a quiz for ya - How Smart Are You? ~~~ I got 9 out of 11. One error is a matter of interpretation, imo. The other, well, I had a lapse in biblical discernment. Sosume :)

And now... selected trivia:

In the late 19th century, millions of human mummies were used as fuel for locomotives in Egypt where wood and coal was scarce, but mummies were plentiful.

The average human produces 25,000 quarts of spit in a lifetime, enough to fill two swimming pools.

An American Animal Hospital Association poll showed that 33% of dog owners admit that they talk to their dogs on the phone or leave messages on an answering machine while away.

When the Black Death swept across England one theory was that cats caused the plague. Thousands were slaughtered. Ironically, those that kept their cats were less affected, because they kept their houses clear of the real culprits, rats.

The air we breathe is 78% nitrogen, 21.5% oxygen, .5% argon and other gases.

100 Things About Me
1. I hate these things and yet I do them anyway.
2. I'm a 5'7" redheaded woman with blue eyes and freckles.
3. I'm a redhead til I'm dead, regardless of how bleached my hair may get from age.
4. I liked growing up in central Kentucky. It was free from most natural hazards and poisonous creatures.
5. I used to hate spiders. Now I just really really dislike them and wish they'd live away from me.
6. I don't mind snakes, unless they're being sneaky. I like the feel of their skin.
7. I like the smell of horses, cut grass, honeysuckle, babies...
8. I make great use of my three most valuable innate skills: association, assimilation, and pattern recognition.
9. I am the oldest of 5 children.
10. I love my siblings. I am closest to my sister.
11. I love my parents. I am closest to my mother, but getting closer to my dad all the time.
12. I like soaking in the bathtub and letting the excess energy (stress) float away into the water so it may eventually go where needed.
13. I am 47 1/2 years old.
14. I like being me. I didn't always, but I learned.
15. I have had the privilege of knowing all my grandparents well. I still have a grandmother living. She's awesome.
16. I have the privilege of remembering a few moments with one great grandmother.
17. I learned how to be a friendly and sociable smart ass from my father's father.
18. I learned how to treat every person I meet with sincerity, fairness, and respect, from my father.
19. I learned how to care for people, sometimes at personal risk, from my mother.
20. I learned the habit of singing song snippets cued by words, from my mother. Makes life fun.
21. I have online friends who are as dear to me as anyone I have ever known offline.
22. I find it annoying that I have to refer to these people as eFriends to my family because most of them are not online.
23. I am Gemini Sun, Scorpio Moon, Libra Rising. That makes for a whole lot of people in my head.
24. I do not have Multiple Personality Disorder, technically.
25. I burn to a crackly crunch in more than fifteen minutes of sunshine.
26. I love to meet brand new humans and secretly welcome them to this lovely planet.
27. I like the taste of sauerkraut juice and dill pickle juice and lemon juice....
28. I don't mind ignorance at all, but I abhor stupidity, especially willful stupidity.
29. I am intolerant of intolerance.
30. I wear glasses because I'm myopic and I don't like bumping into things or seeing the world as a big fuzzball.
31. I think I will live to see the New Year when I'm 92, but won't stick around for my 93rd birthday in 2050.
32. I love mercury, the element. I love its silver fluidity, its weight, and its seemingly independent motion.
33. I love the color purple, but not that reddish violet color, I mean real (blue) purple.
34. I am inexplicably infatuated with the image of the Egyptian jackal-headed god Anubis.
35. I have little or no interest in traveling outside the continental US, except maybe to see the pyramids at Giza or in the Yucatan Peninsula.
36. I think I am a reincarnated Atlantean.
37. I think I may not bother to reincarnate again.
38. I have seen ghosts.
39. I have really long arms and legs. My arm span is longer than my height and it's not supposed to be.
40. I didn't get married until I was 33.
41. I am terrible at math, but great at logic. Go figure.
42. I know I existed before I was born, and I know I will exist after this body dies. It's just transformation.
43. I have a technical side and an artistic side which work well together into graphics and web design.
44. I have often been told I'm a great listener and give good advice.
45. I believe in the inherent goodness of people and trust them until they force me to re-evaluate that trust
46. I have good instincts and my intuition has improved with age.
47. I have created my own patchwork of spiritual beliefs and views of the cosmos which I'm constantly revising.
48. I remember feeling slighted when I was little, and I know it was just because my siblings needed more attention at the time. It still hurts.
49. I sometimes cry over really stupid stuff, but I've learned that's okay.
50. I prefer cats rather than dogs.
51. I don't like to go to the dentist unless something is hurting me more than the dentist can hurt me.
52. I have a really low gag threshhold and even the suggestion of hair in my food can make me gag.
53. I don't think bodily functions are all that funny. In fact, I'd like to skip some.
54. I can make software dance. I used to break software for a living. Same process, different purpose.
55. I think I'd like to be cremated when I die. I just can't decide where my ashes should be scattered.
56. I tried a lot of different majors in college, incl computer science, vocal music, electronics engineering...
57. I have an Associate of Science Degree in Art, and probably enough leftover credits for a bachelor's degree
58. I am not a morning person. My best hours are from about 10pm to 3am
59. I actually get a cold sore on my lip after I have a picture taken. I think it's a nervous reaction.
60. I can make things work out even when there's not much to work with. There is always a way.
61. I can always find silver linings, always. They are always there. Sometimes it's a long search.
62. I have a hard time accepting appreciation, but I'm working on that.
63. I would choose these three books if stranded on a desert island: Shakespeare's complete works, the Bible, and a thick blank book to write in. (Guess I'd need a pencil too :)
64. I am one of the smartest people I know, and the main thing I know is that I don't know everything.
65. I got very high scores in spacial relations areas on SAT/ACT tests. I can visualize better than anyone I know.
66. I have a gift for being able to break down even the most complicated stuff so the simplest person can understand it.
67. I have a way of finding the essence of an issue or concept.
68. I am a master with metaphor, simile, and analogy. Everything can be explained with something else.
69. I am learning to allow myself to experience emotion without editing it to death.
70. I have also discovered that all the 'bad' emotion I unplugged in earlier years cut me off from a lot of good emotions.
71. I am sometimes overwhelmed by all the little marvels of this world and the wonder of this universe.
72. I cried the morning my youngest niece was born, before I knew that's what was causing the feelings of parting heaven, joy of life, and relief.
73. I have learned to temper my temper with a 5 second gap between anger and action.
74. I actually own a piano, which my grandmother has now because hers went kaput.
75. I can read music but I play mostly by ear.
76. I have been male in other lifetimes. I remember.
77. I have a very warm and sometimes powerful speaking voice.
78. I have a good singing voice but I usually only sing for me.
79. I think nearly all children and animals love me on sight. I reciprocate.
80. I will take suggestion, advice, expertise under consideration, but don't order me to do anything.
81. I am an extrovert, I even talk to people in elevators. Strangers often want to talk to me.
82. I am apparently perceived as a very open and available person, and I'm okay with that.
83. I often analyze stuff to death.
84. I once had a dream where I used astrological data to target optimal birth times and places for souls. I think it was memory.
85. I write a lot, then usually edit and tweak it to death before I'll release it.
86. I am a jack of all trades, mastered a few. It's hard to know just what to do when you can do almost anything.
87. I am almost tired of people telling me how clever I am. I know that. It doesn't pay much.
88. I don't work hard, I work smart.
89. I think I originally came to Earth by way of a route through Orion's Belt because that looks like the way 'home'.
90. I think I worked on or near Mars for a while as we terraformed Earth and worked on human genetics.
91. I was and have always been a researcher in cognitive processes. I've just done it through many guises and lifetimes.
92. I don't like being left. I preferred to be picked up, rather than dropped off.
93. I don't just like quicksilver, I -am- quicksilver.
94. I can think in HTML. I love the instant gratification of making webpages.
95. I love languages and symbols.
96. I am fascinated with Astrology because of its symbolic language and geometry and spatial relations.
97. I have often thought I was born about 50 yrs too soon because I'd really like living virtually, but corporeal reality is fun too.
98. I have a vivid imagination, but that doesn't mean it's all make-believe. A lot of it's true.
99. I didn't have nearly enough on this list on the first go, so I went back and stuffed more things in, sometimes randomly.
100. I would have been bored with reading this, long before now.
I'd like to point out that nothing on this list is for shock value or weird-o-meter points.

What's Your Element? Air
What kind of blogger are you? Social
What Kind of Soul Are You? Visionary
Which of your friends is most likely to get you to take these silly quizzes? Xan
What would you like to do to that friend to get even? I'm still working on it. :)

Link: Universal Declaration of Human Rights

In 1948, the General Assembly of the United Nations adopted and proclaimed the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

Why, then, should any member nation object to action which deposes a person or government of another member nation which has unquestionably violated this Declaration?

We take Human Rights for granted in the United States, but the nations of the world also recognize the concept. At least, they did in 1948. Have we lost this in the last 50 years?

Not only are we aware of countries still in violation of Human Rights, but we need to look more carefully at ourselves, here, in the United States.

Why aren't the nations of the world adhering to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights? Why aren't member nations enforcing this doctrine, particularly among member nations?

I can feel the holiday season ramping up. Always hectic, but usually fun too. I gotta remember to enjoy the journey and not let the dates on the calendar distort life too much, eh?

Frackinrassinfussingarflesnicket! <--- read: Frustration! I am SO frustrated when I see people working so hard to divide themselves up instead of coming together. It is completely exasperating, on any scale. WHY do humans work so hard to find differences when it would be so much better for all if they focused on similarities?

The latest annoyance (<--understatement) is in a dissertation written by the pastor of my mother's church. She's the secretary, and sends us a copy of their monthly bulletin. In this blurb the pastor says he's about to embark on a series of study which basically shows why everyone else but Christians are 'wrong' about God. PULEEEEZE.

Why are humans still doing this? Haven't we subdivided ourselves enough? Haven't we hurt and killed each other enough over this? More than enough? Way too much? Don't the various groups of extremists see that they are guilty of the very thing they're accusing the other extremists of doing?

Never in my life have I wanted so much to stand on top of the world and shout "QUIT IT!" Why must they pick on each other so? It seriously breaks my heart as I watch people using 'love' to judge each other, to malign each other, to beat each other up, and even kill each other.

Please, God, make it stop. You started it. They twisted it. Please, God, make it stop.

Dangit, Xan. Where do you find these things?
I've spent time in, or at least driven through, the states in red. I didn't count the states I've only seen from the inside of an airport terminal.

create your own visited states map

Mom & Dad arrived Thursday afternoon and they're visiting through Sunday!! So, I'm away and enjoying my folks in real life. :)

I am fiscally conservative and socially liberal, almost in the extreme in both cases. Do whatever you want, so long as it doesn't cost me anything, or hurt me, and don't try to make me be like you. I want this acid test to apply to all, not just to protect my own resources, my own well-being, my own individuality, but to protect all individuals in the same way.

I've noticed a reinforcement of one major thing during this election schtuff: People who think the government should redistribute wealth more evenly... usually have nothing.

The Have-Nots are the Gimmees, while they claim the Haves are on the Take.
The Haves just want to keep what they have, because they usually had to work to get it.

It's rather annoying irony really.
I wonder what it would take to make a viable Libertarian Party, and if it could be done without becoming politically zealous like the other two parties? I fear that may just be how sausage is made and my whole point is... I don't want a truly free-thinking, tolerant philosophy ground into mush and shoved into a casing. Dayam.

And now watch as the quicksilver churns... by making a political comment:
Kerry's concession today is an example of my problem with him and his credibility, or lack thereof. He and his group have been adamantly preaching that they would fight til the last, they would wait until every vote was counted, no matter what. They did not. I really do appreciate that they did not repeat the turmoil of 2000, BUT, neither did they DO what they SAID they would do, what they promised they would do. It's not so much that they had a choice, but that they made a big promise, had no idea if they would keep it, or even need too. It was reiterated in the wee hours of the night, emphatically. Then, a 'nevermind' came along with the concession today. For me, this is a classic example of saying what they think we want to hear, without the conviction of following through, without thought about what it is they're really promising. This is not what I want from government officials.

On top of Kerry's record of flip-flopping on issues, of saying he supported This, but he voted That way... I must say his last action as a presidential candidate has verified for me that I made the right decision. I guess it's the old addage, the reason the incumbent usually wins... It's the devil you know, vs the devil you don't. It's hard for me to know much about someone whose actions and words do not mesh.

Whether I agree with all of Bush's policies and decisions or not, I do feel that he is credible, that he believes what he says and will act on what he believes. That's all I want from a politician. Say what you mean and act accordingly. Alas, it appears to be a rare quality. If you want my support, you have to win my trust first. To win that, you have to walk your talk.

I'd like to be apolitical. I'd like for the whole country and the world to be apolitical. I'd like for all the walls to come down. We built 'em, let's break 'em. There is no Us and Them, there's only Us -- everyone and everything and every no-thing... all together as one thing. It would be really nice if this fact was recognized and honored, if we treated ourselves (therefore all) with respect and honor. Sure would cut out a lot of the violence. Let's argue over how best to be good to ourselves and each other, eh? I know a lot of factions think they've been doing that already, sometimes to the point of death, but they're really promoting "What I/We think is good for You..." We need to find goals and methods that work for the greater good, and eventually include most, if not all.

Yeah, I know, I'm a blind idealist and infernal optimist. But hey, I can dream, can't I?

Let's move on. Let's move forward. Let's learn to live together, and live well.

All Hallow's Eve approacheth and thus all the scawy movies come out of the dusty closets. Such holidays make every program manager's job easier for a week or so. I skip a lot of it. For me, there's too much unnecessary roughness. I like the psycho-thrillers and mysteries that make me think. They've done well if a shadow or sound makes me flinch, or my eyebrow quirks while I try to decipher what just happened and how. Flying body parts and blood are not intriguing or scary, just gross. A good horror movie will electrify my nerve endings, synaptic or otherwise, not trigger a gag reflex.

I saw a good movie tonight which I didn't expect to be all that much -- Gothika. I figured it was another venue for cashing in on Halle Berry and for Robert Downey Jr to pay off some legal and rehab fees. I was wrong. It was well done, good story, actually had some suspense in it with a reasonable dose of supernatural intrigue. As an observer, I was a step ahead of the plot, but not unduly so. Of course, about halfway through, I was thinking, "Why don't you stop screaming or running and just ask the dead girl's spirit what she wants?" But then, I guess that wouldn't make for good drama.

I believe in ghosts, in spirit communication, in hauntings even. However, I think anything 'bad' that comes from the spirit realm is just a misunderstanding. Frustration occurs on this side of the veil, and that side too. If you are trying to get someone's attention but they aren't listening, what steps do you have to take to be heard? Same thing over there, or more accurately, over here :) for I believe it's all the same place, but the 'living' only focus on a narrow band of the whole range of energy broadcasting at all times.

Think about it. Infinite radio signals are in the air, all the time, but you have to tune into a certain frequency to hear the music on a particular station. Well, we live on one frequency, but that doesn't mean it's the only one. They all run concurrently. It's our focus, our tuning, that makes it seem like this is all there is. It isn't.

One of the best films to demonstrate this, I think, was Sixth Sense. Yeah, for most people it's just fiction, I guess. But for me, it's a really good view of how it seems to work. I won't go into details of the movie in case someone reading this hasn't seen it. But I will say that it was a pleasant surprise for some moviemakers to 'get it', to show they understood about concurrent frequencies and that sometimes they touch, more easily that we tend to think.

Not sure why this time of year is deemed to be the time when the veil is thinnest, when the frequencies are more likely to cross. Maybe there's a moment every year where the whole broadcasting system gets resynchronized, or re-harmonized. I dunno. I do know that because it's become a benchmark, I take extra time to send out my own message across the wires, to thank my ancestors without whom I would not be, to thank all spirits who have been and are still experiencing this realm.

I add that if I can be of service, I am willing. No need to cause a ruckus. Just ask. I'll answer. :) Blessed be.

I'm not big on these quizzicle things, but I -am- a fan of Royo.

Seven
"How can I begin to hope
when I cannot sleep to dream?"

Which Royo Painting Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


And, well, this one looks a little like me (in somebody's dreams phht)


Which Aspect of Joseph Michael Lisner's Dawn are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Earlier this year, spouse went into Best Buy and got one helluva deal on an eMachine . It's a mega machine and a media marvel. He really needed a new computer. He's always had to make do with my hand-me-downs and the last one was about to die. I had patched and replaced, but it was seriously limping. I had long been afraid that the monitor was going to literally crash and burn.

Since then, I've been drooling over his flat panel monitor and 160Gb HD.
But now..... I HAVE ONE TOO.

I didn't get the same deal he did, but near it (with rebates). Plus, my flat panel monitor is 17" instead of 15". Muahahahaha! And my processor is a bit faster.

3200+ AMD Athlon XP Processor 2.2GHz
512MB RAM160Gb HD (7200 rpm)
NVIDIA GeForce4 MX upgraded to 8
Built-in 10/100 Ethernet LAN
DVD±RW
CD-RW
multiple media readers, incl flash
upgraded to incl TV and Radio Tuner
AND 17" flat panel monitor!
plus some other wee incidentals, ala media keyboard, mouse, speakers, yadda yadda

And NOW... I get to move all my crap off my old machine and learn all the changes in applications as well as wading through XP

But dayam, this is a niiiiice moochine. *grin!*

I'm molding, shaping, sculpting my own personal environment. This house is wonderful, great bones, but I'm finally able to start making it our home. I've schemed and dreamed since we moved in, even before that when I'd only seen pictures of the place. Now, I'm bringing these plans into reality. It feels GREAT.

I don't have a fortune to spend. A lot of the proceeds from the sale of the other house are going into prudent (and costly) enhancements to the property, BUT, I have enough to work with to make the living space more the way I'd like it. Spouse isn't into decor, although he can appreciate it when it's done. It's mostly to please me and dayam but it's been a long long time since I got to do such things.

I get to create and it feels good! Whether it's assembling ready-made elements, assembling ready-to-assemble furniture, or designing things and making them from scratch... it's all good :)

UPS and FedEx are going to know my address by heart. *grin* I'm awaiting several deliveries while I work on my projects. I've actually enjoyed shopping, even in brick and mortar stores. It's a good time, a fun time, a long overdue time. I am thankful.

.
Rant #143:
Environmental Evangelism

We cannot protect the environment as long as we're in it. We change things just by being here. All of the environmental preservationists and most of the conservationists are deluding themselves. If we wanted to return the Earth to a pristine state, we'd have to leave it. We are not outside the system doing harm to it. We are part of the system. We don't create messes from nothing, we only change what's already here. We can't truly destroy anything. The only conservation that counts is the Conservation of Matter and Energy. Everything we do changes something into something else. That's how the system works. We are agents of transformation, just like every other living thing and non-living thing on this planet.

The crusaders for animal rights and vegetarian diets do not consider all the habitats they may throw out of balance, nor the rights of all the plants killed, by their convictions. Moderate vegans don't consider the rights of aborted chickens when they choose to include eggs in their diet for protein. Animal ethicists don't know whether the spotted owl should thrive, or die off to make room for something else. These people aren't any more considerate, or humane, or conscientious than other people. They've simply chosen the animal kingdom as a focus for their fanaticism.

To live, we must eat. We are omnivores. We've always made use of materials around us, by moving rocks, cutting trees, rerouting water, kindling fires, thereby altering habitats. That's how we managed to survive and evolve as a species. We've relied on adaptation, and developed ingenuity to accomplish it. Plants consume. Animals consume. We consume plants and/or animals. If an individual chooses to restrict their diet or forego wood furniture to reportedly spare an owl, it's simply that, a choice. It behooves us to promote stewardship and practicality, like using the whole animal for food, clothing, even chemicals, instead of wasteful killing just for sport. But making blanket rules for appropriate behavior concerning selected slivers of the natural order, determined by a nanosecond of experience with it, is ludicrous.

We do not impact the air, the water, or the land, any more than uncountable natural processes which have shaped this planet since it formed during the birth of this solar system. In fact, our impact is an infinitesmally small percentage of change by comparison. To suggest that human activity is overriding the natural operation of this globe is phenomenal arrogance and/or naivete. We affect it, yes, but to think we can guide how and what we change with knowledge of ultimate results is even greater arrogance and/or naivete. We are barely beginning to understand how anything works. We haven't a prayer of designing actions to achieve particular outcomes in order to "Save The Earth!"

Why stress over the global effects of bovine flatulence and auto emissions when one good-sized volcanic eruption puts out more gasses than every cow and car in the history of the world? It's ignorant, in the extreme. Even when we play around with nuclear fission and create toxicity we had to invent words to describe, we didn't import the radioactive material from another planet. The only imports presently come from meteorites. We just manipulated some of the building blocks here. If we have a problem with the results, then we need to learn to adjust our methods. We also need to realize that the whole concept of toxicity is relative to our own welfare, not the health of the planet. She's seen a lot worse than we could ever dish out.

One basic fallacy is that all the environmental preaching is about the Earth. It isn't. It's about humanity. The environmentalists can say they're concerned about the Earth all they want, but they're not. They're concerned about humans. They want to fuss over what we do, but the only reason our activities hit their radar is when we're doing something harmful to us. The ozone layer has cycles based on natural cycles here on the planet. We only got concerned about it when it looked like depletion was harming us. And we think we caused it. So we want to fix it. So it won't hurt us.

The real irony is that if the environmental evangelists would get off their high-horses and realize their true motivation, then we might get somewhere with environmental goals. Joe Schmoe may not give a flying rat's ass about how his use of aerosols impacts the Earth. However, he might give a thought to how his spray deodorant is winning friends but influencing his chances of getting skin cancer from ultraviolet rays and radiation slipping through a hole in the ozone layer. Maybe that's a stretch for Joe, but the EE's are going to have to find ways to tie the actions to the harm and make it personal before people will change.

We're only interested in saving the Earth because we want to save Us, so the EE's should market it that way. They also need to pick their fights better and get away from trying to dictate how people -should- live. Offer choices and detail consequences. Forget the moral appeal, it doesn't. Devise alternatives instead of campaigns. Find ways to make ecology economical. Let the masses decide. If it's cheaper, easier, less painful, or just more fun, they'll do it. If they can see a correlation to their own lives, or their immediate environment, they may just take up the banner. But very few are likely to make changes based on long-range guesstimates for an overall change in a planet they take for granted. Besides, we're not mucking up all of that, we're just crapping in our own cages and that's where we need and truly want to make a difference. In truth, it's the only place we really -can- make a difference. We can maybe do something about our little mole hills. The mountains will take care of themselves, as they always have.

Got it! Well, the bank has it, but it's still ours. *sigh* Even better, we're no longer making mortgage payments on the old place. Whew. That is a load off, as you can imagine. And so, life moves onward and upward. I am a much happier camper, that's for sure. *smirk* I'm even in the mood to do some shopping, which anyone who knows me will tell you is not at all like me. But hey, I'm long overdue for a bit of a spree.

DONE. Closed. Signed. Sealed. Check for the proceeds to be FedEx'd to us overnight, and so we merely await delivery. I am thankful. I expect this to be the last paragraph in the 4 yr chapter on financial juggling. Pardon me while I go collapse with relief.

Today? Huh? Yeah? Maybe today? Third time's a charm didn't do it. Today is the fourth time the closing has been scheduled. New title company, new lender... So.... maybe.... We'll see.

The quakes at Mount St Helens are gradually increasing in strength, now up to 3.5 magnitude. The mountain is now venting steam and some ash. Even scientists are now saying an eruption is imminent. Central California is still rumbling significantly, around 5.0 with scads of lower level rumbles in between. This seismic activity is actually occurring on at least three different fault lines.

Although I seriously expected this sort of thing because of the Toutatis passage, I could never determine where the activity would be in the world. My suspicion was the US, but that was an intuitive and not an educated guess. I knew it depended on the weak surface points and what was on the tangent between the Earth's EMF and the asteroid's EMF, or at the very least, the angles involved.

My point is that a space object does not have to hit another to make an impression. This point seems to have escaped the scientific community, or they're just not talking about it. Then again, they're into precision, so if they can't predict precisely, they don't usually count it. The other problem is specialization. We have quake guys, volcano guys, hurricane guys, and asteroid guys. But they don't talk to each other or look at what the others are doing? Maybe it takes a layman (or woman;) to stand back from the gauges far enough to see the bigger picture.

Imagine two magnets. Imagine one is spherical and rotating regularly (Earth) and one is quite oddly shaped and tumbling erratically (Toutatis). One is greatly larger than the other. Both are in regular orbits. Their orbits nearly intersect and they travel somewhat together for a time because they're on approximately the same orbital plane and share part of their elliptical paths.

Now, just try to guess where the pressure between the two magnetic fields will begin, where it will be strongest, where it will start to fade as the two magnets pull away from each other again.

It certainly appears now that the median of the interactive forces was/is the west coast of the US. Maybe even in a sweep of the northern hemisphere between Japan (record tsunamis) and North America (quakes and volcanic activity). It may even be a matter of disturbing the general and infamous weakness of the Pacific Ring of Fire, but focused along the northern portion because of the Earth's angle of rotation.

And now we'll see what happens when that applied pressure is relieved, ie, as the lid comes off the tapper kettle.

If we really want to understand the Earth, we also need to look at the neighborhood, with the same eyes.

Today, the eTrade loan chick, aka gdmf barbie-headed bitch who is handling our buyers' loan, has once again sauteed the closing by reversing her earlier assessment of a crucial element. And, there's no legal way around it to please eTrade and their mindless twit so they'll make the loan. Please note this is something a real bank making real mortgages allows every day of the week. Also note that the eTrade bimbo had us all change the controversial figure two weeks ago, so it was okay THEN. But now, the day before the closing (which had already been delayed a week because of the feckless wench's little holiday) she has decided it's an unacceptable point at all. Thus, tomorrow's closing was killed.

SO... the buyers went on the hunt for another mortgage source. They have reportedly found a local bank which will take it. The local bank swears they can get the closing done on Monday or Tuesday at the latest. Like we're supposed to believe that after all the bullshit thus far? Of course, this guarantees our credit file will get tagged with a 30-day late flag.... the first blemish since the bankruptcy from which we're trying to recover so we can bring -this- house's mortgage rate down from astronomical into a more breathable stratoshpere.

But, such is life, eh? And such is war, and war is hell... much like real estate.

High incidence of hurricanes and typhoons, and now, volcanic rumblings, strings of earthquakes... See my crackpot theory posted on September 14th. I naturally wonder how far this goes. I'm thinking there's more as Toutatis pulls away. It came closest this morning. It's nearly in our orbital plane, so it will continue to travel along with us, slowly creeping away. About mid-October, it will have pulled away to the same distance as mid-September when the run of hurricanes began. Toutatis' own elliptical orbit breaks away from ours in mid-November. As noted, I suspect the pull will manifest a bit differently than the push, and the pull started today. Guess we'll see. Maybe we've seen all the effects, maybe not.

Got a call from our real estate agent today. She calmly said the closing is scheduled for Friday at noon. Friday? What happened to today? Well... Buyers' mortgage agent (eTrade, make a note) has been MIA since Thursday. Finally surfaced today. Wondered why everyone's in a huff. She ignored the fact that the closing deadline was last Friday or that the buyers' rate lock-in expired on Sunday. Anyway, today's out. Who the hell knows why tomorrow isn't possible. Friday is October 1, the point at which our mortgage payment will be 30 days late. We didn't make a September payment because our mortgage company (Chase, make a note) can take weeks to post payments. We were afraid that thousand dollars would get lost when the Title Company called for a payoff.

It will get done. It will. <----- my mantra

Ok, now we're getting somewhere. We got the FedEx today, signed zee paperz, and shipped them back. Should be a closing tomorrow afternoon. Then the check is in the mail to us. I will be ever so glad but I'm saving my enthusiam til after it happens. Can't help it. Experience can be a hard teacher.

Delay of game. Are we surprised? Not really. More paper not getting to the right person at the right time. More games of phone tag. I'm only surprised by Astrocenter's prediction being off by at least a week.

Fortunately we are not directly involved in these paperwork machinations. Unfortunately, our money is. From this end, it's just a phone call saying when and what's gonna happen, followed by another phone call saying it ain't. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

It's going to eventually happen, but at present, no man or woman or real estate agent or title clerk or mortgage officer or buyer or seller... can know the hour or the day.

Earliest possible right now, with the FedEx-ing that must be done even after the papers are collected, is Wednesday. If it doesn't happen then, well, we get to sign another paper extending the deadline.

Thrilling, no?
No.

tick tock tick tock ..... *check clock, check calendar*.... Did I mention that patience is not my long suit?
C'mon closing. I want that mortgage off my back and that check in the mail, yesterday.

Closing week is here. We should be getting a FedEx of paperwork to sign and send back so it will be available Friday. We've done a remote closing before. Worked fine. Let's get this thang done, and let the fat lady sing her arse off.

Gotta love Astrocenter.com's blurb for me for this week. It includes the following statements: This is very positive week for you... This means that your life may begin to flow that much more easily in a number of areas. For a start, the emphasis will be off of your home and family... At the start of the week the Sun conjuncts Jupiter, which may bring a happy conclusion to a saga involving your personal and private life, or perhaps the sale or purchase of a property.

By golly, I'd have to day that's spot on.

I'm irritable, impatient, restless, and frustrated, over nothing and everything. While I'm usually very tolerant of other people and their gripes, I'm not right now. I feel that most of them are whining, narrow-minded, irrational, or just stupid

This grating intolerance is not me. Is it hormonal? Has my shielding finally thinned out to nothing? Am I just too freakin raked over in my own life to have any positive energy left? Or, are people indeed griping more? Is everyone's life feeling like sandpaper right now? It's not just every day life. It's also weather and war and politics and crime... All the BS seems to be escalating.

Here's a crackpot theory for ya... As I've mentioned to some, I believe a nearby asteroid is contributing to the disturbances over the surface of this planet. Yes, I know that military and political conflict, as well as extreme weather and other geological turmoil, are cyclical in nature. But I swear I'm convinced that the asteroid Toutatis is magnifying these disturbances with its approach. The pressure is on and building. An asteroid doesn't pop onto the scene for a day then pop out again. Toutatis has been approaching and will come closest on September 29th/30th, then will pull away. It's one of the largest of the known asteroids which regularly passes close to the Earth, and it's coming as close as it has been since about 1801.

I am not suggesting there will be a comet impact, only that the near passage creates friction between the electromagnetic fields of Toutatis and Earth. It's not a monstrous clash, but enough to put extra pressure on the approach and tug on retreat. It certainly feels like we're under pressure right now.

If my suspicion is correct, then I expect a different sort of disturbance on Toutatis' exit. I would logically expect all the pressure points to go in the other direction, ie, the lid comes off, in some cases. Over the next few months after the closest point (end of Sept), I wouldn't be surprised to find that some conflicts come to a head and then maybe get resolved or just fade out of focus. I also feel there will be an increase in geologic effects. It makes sense to me that if pressure is being applied to already tense spots (ala faults and volcanoes), then the asteroid's tug as it pulls away may bring a lot of that stored energy to the surface, more suddenly and violently than if the pressure had not been applied.

In other words, we may be in a pressure cooker that most of the world isn't aware of, except for the effects, which seem to bear no correlation to each other. I think there IS a correlation and it's a funky shaped rock spinning past this planet.

Then again, I could be wrong.

House closing scheduled for Sept 24th. I'd really like that. We've worked the deal to death with the buyers, including adjustments for appraisal. I think all the hoops we had to jump have been cleared. The real estate agents on both sides are confident in the buyers' ability to jump their own mortgage hoops. Yeah, it's hard to type with my fingers crossed but I'm not really trusting anything until the closing is done and the proceeds are on their way to us. It would be really nice to have made the last mortgage payment on that house, so we can get on with our lives in this one.... which I still love.

Good to go Home and good to be back. Although I dreaded the long drive, I really enjoyed the journey as well as the destinations. Mom & Dad's house is home base, always, and for these trips as well. Wherever I visit in the area, I do it from there. We had a mini-reunion Thursday night at Mom & Dad's house. We'd thought about gathering at a restaurant but it was much better to have sandwiches and leisurely company on the back porch. The weather throughout the extended weekend was gorgeous. I feel for everyone further east who was under the bucket of Hurricane Frances, but still appreciate the sunshine and mild temperatures in the Ohio River Valley.

The first few days of my visit were chillin' and refillin' with lots of family. Nothing better. Then on Sunday morning I collected up three of my nieces so we girls could have a road trip to Grandma's reunion. Carmen, Samantha and Dana B are all hovering 15 yrs of age. Since I'm their cool aunt, instead of mom or whatever, they seemed to feel free to say what's on their mind (ie, they could gripe openly about what Mom and/or Dad and/or other adults say :) I totally understand some of the aggravation of being a teenager, especially a teenage girl. I remember all too well and told them some of my gripes from then. It was great to relate with them. I promised that it does get better. The best thing is just to really get into the stuff you enjoy and do the rest as required. It can be balanced out. Use the good stuff to endure the crap, basically.

The reunion was good. It's a pot luck with lots of conversation in between samplings. I know it's hard for a lot of families to imagine 30 or 40 family members mixing together well. It sounds so boring to say that the whole day and all contacts were pleasant, enjoyable, a real treat, but I swear it's true. Even some personalities that might be on the fringe of harmonious are still pleasant. All of us are really good at making nice with each other and meaning it. Good food, good conversation, lots of laughter, playful teasing, hugs and kisses... I want to joke and say it's almost sickening, but honestly, it's wonderful.

I stayed overnight with Grandma afterwards. I like that because I get her all to myself for a while. We don't do anything earth-shattering. We watch a little TV, have a late night snack, talk about whatever topic comes up. We can do that so easily, even though there's 50 yrs between us. On Monday we took a drive to run a couple of errands for her, but we'd forgotten about the Labor Day holiday making them undoable. So, we just enjoyed the ride together. I say again, my Grandma is terrific, not only for a woman her age, but just for being all that she is.

I also enjoyed the ride back here. I took my time, stopped overnight halfway, did a little sight seeing. I think I'd like more of these sorts of trips, not just by car or between here and Home. I've been thinking of lots of places I'd like to see, exotic places, ancient places. I'm hoping I'll soon have an opportunity to go on these treks. We'll see.

In the meantime, I have GOT to get Home more often. It just isn't good for me to go so long without being really in touch with my family, more than phone calls and email. I just gotta be with them now and then, because I love them so and feel so loved when I'm with them. Yeah, I know it's there all the time, but it's good to have it wrapped all around me.

So... This week I go Home, at last. I'm going home to see my folks. I haven't been since Easter. I haven't been since before my Dad had his surgery. I'm long, long, long overdue for a trip home, to hug my Mom and Dad, siblings, in-laws and outlaws, nieces and nephews. My 93 yr old Grandma will have her annual family reunion as scheduled, on the Sunday before Labor Day. I'm going there too, and get a big hug or several with her as well.

I talked to Grandma on the phone last weekend. She's an amazing woman. She's got her act together, still. It's been a long-running wonderful show. She's humble and generous and full of common sense as well as outright intelligence. I hope I'm growing up to be like her. My mother's like her, so there's hope it's being passed down. I've gotten a lot from my Dad and his family too. In fact, I've inherited quite a phenomenal legacy from both sides, as far back as I have traced them so far. I'm proud to carry all my ancestors along with me, and they're not a bit heavy. They give me a considerable lightness of being. They've known how to make the best of tough situations, and how to be grateful when the going is easier. Excellent skills.

Anyway, I'm going Home... to get me some more o' that.

And, I'm bringing it back with me. Dad's doing great, so he and Mom are going to come here and see the new place. I'll be glad to have the extra time with them.

Anticipation.... Anticipaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-ation.... Is makin' me late... Keepin' me waa-aaa-aaaitin'...
We can never know about the days to come, but we think about them anyway...

I wrote a whine. I deleted it. Sooner or later, everything will work out.

Waiting, waiting, waiting... for the house sale to happen.
Have I mentioned that patience is not my long suit?

In Brief...

I am grateful that E et al made it through hurricane Charley crossing Florida. I hope Bill and Skya and their families are okay as the tempest passes. I am grateful that Xan and the Xoo were not harmed by fire. Naturally I wish the best for all my loved ones, even if they aren't immediately in harm's way. I thank the Powers for all care and tending.

I am hopeful that the appraisal on our house was satisfactory and the sale will proceed apace. I am once again hopeful that Ghost will be coming to the Ark, since his other job fell through. In the meantime, I ask that he and his family will be cared for.

I am thankful for Dad's continued terrific recovery, and for Mom's continued strength. I look forward to being with them for a while when I go home for Grandma's family reunion on Labor Day weekend.

Today's Straw: The War in Iraq
What frosts my wheaties about the war is not so much that we went or why we're 'really' there or who knew what and when and who exaggerated and all that. It's the foggy-headed comparisons to Vietnam... yeah, Viet-friggin-Nam! Anyone old enough to know about Vietnam should know better than to think our excursions into Iraq are remotely comparable.

I'm so apolitical it's scary, and I avoid news whenever possible, but even so, I've finally heard enough of this bullshit to peg my irritation meter.

Vietnam. Go read about it if you don't remember seeing slaughter on the evening news every night for ten years. The entire Iraqi business, including the first time we went over there to bail out Kuwait, doesn't add up to one year of death resulting from Vietnam. Claiming that our troops are currently in the same position now as they were then is an insult to every name on the wall in Washington and all the names we don't even know because we lost track of them in the swamps. It's an affront to every Vet who came back broken and even the guys who broke up their lives to avoid the meat grinder in Asia.

I'm sorry but our current volunteer military is made up mostly of people who wanted college money or couldn't find a civilian job. They are NOT facing the same thing as all those tens of thousands of drafted young men who found themselves fighting deep in the swamps, or in ragged streets where even children could be explosive.

Don't get me wrong, I support everyone we've sent to Iraq. I want every single one of them to come home, safe and sound. I support their families, especially those who have lost or will lose a loved one. But, this is not Vietnam, and this current lot of soldiers isn't likely to return home to people spitting on them or threatening to harm them on our streets too.

Yes, there's danger in Iraq and people are being killed, on both sides. War is like that. People die. If we don't want any more of that, then we must find ways around it. But... don't for a minute try to say that a few hundred deaths in a year equals a hundred in a day.

We're not going in and bombing the shit out of acres of people like we did in Vietnam, Cambodia, etc. We're trying to drop food and supplies for them. We're not wedging ourselves between two obvious factions. We knocked out a man who was committing crimes against humanity and maybe, just maybe, afforded a beaten and fractured population the chance to breathe long enough to figure out what they want. They couldn't dare think about it until now.

I don't know if it was really the right thing for us to go into Iraq. I don't know if we ever really had justification. But I have to say this, I'm damned glad we're not killing and being killed in massive numbers as it was with Vietnam. We're still playing at war and I hate it, but at least we seem to be a little smarter about how we're playing it.

That incomplete list on the Vietnam wall in Washington has over 58,000 names on it. In the year and a half of the Iraqi war, the Coalition forces, not just the US alone, have lost about 1000 in Iraq.

Don't fucking tell me you see a resemblance between Iraq and Vietnam. Don't insult those who died there, or those who've spent every day since trying to figure out how to live with what happened there.

After more than a week of passing counter offers back and forth with the buyers, we're supposed to have a real contract for the sale of the old house as of Monday. According to our real estate agent, the buyers are anxious to get the closing done so they can get moved. We're all for that. It will be very nice to be out from under the additional mortgage payment and utilities, not to mention having the cash proceeds from the sale. Here's hoping.

Politics...
I'm with my soul-twin-sistah Xanadoodle on this one. I want candidates to express their own opinions and visions. Then I could pick those who are best aligned with my own set. (And lets put electrodes on their nads that let us know if they're lying *weg*) Speak from your heart, as sincere servants of the people, and I will listen earnestly. I'll shovel the rest and turn it every so often until its useful under the roses.

Maybe we should do it like a dating service? Have each candidate fill out a survey of general questions, philosphical questions about life, the universe, and everything. Then we publish their answers. Then we vote. If their actions stray too far from their survey, well... technology has come a long way with invisible electronic fences (ref previous mention of nad control).

Let's use campaign money more wisely. Let's teach the masses to fish instead of feeding them fish stories about what candidates did and did not do, think and do not think. The mudslinging literally just muddies the waters, making it hard for us to catch anything of real use.

At this stage, I'm just trying to avoid the serious bottom feeders. Unfortunately, it's hard to tell who's who in all the muck.

The Frog Princess made me do it (because she did it. Gads, I can be such a joiner. )

Tickle.com Classic IQ Test results
Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher. This means you are highly intelligent and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, your exceptional math and verbal skills make you very adept at explaining things to others — and at anticipating and predicting patterns. And that's just some of what we know about you from your IQ results.

I'd like to think they're right on most of that, but they're wrong on the math. I suck at math. It's not mathematics that helped me score a 140 on their test, but logic. Two different arenas, math and logic, even though they certainly intersect.

And Tickle.com wants money for the other 15 pages of what they think they know about me. Yeah, I sense a pattern, but again, I can choose to play in their free stuff and skip the rest.  Let's see what they think of my 140 IQ now! muahahaha

Two scoops of raisins...
Now who does not hear the finish of that?
(...in a package of Kellogg's Raisin Bran :)
and now can you see some groovy raisins dancing to the soulful beat of  "Heard It Through The Grapevine"?

Of course we're subjected to crass commercialism day in and day out.  It's sort of like brainwashing, but we're smart and strong enough to resist, if we want to.  I can sing Oscar Mayer's praises at the top of my lungs and still buy Fischer's hot dogs, even though they're the bacon makin' people.

Nothing is all good or all bad. TV can rot brains but it can also awaken them.  Some commercials do a better job of getting us to think outside the box than getting us to buy what's in the box.  Other programming can have secret benefits. Syndication has bridged generation gaps and even geographical gaps, giving chunks of humanity common experiences where there were none before.  And what pays for TV? Advertising. 

Like everything else, it's a matter of what we do with it.

From time to time I've considered creating a silly quest or story based on what TV commercials have fed us over the years. That might be a creative use of the fodder and covert the urge to buy into snickers  (packed with roasted peanuts).

~ After A While ~
After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts,
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
And after a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure ...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn... and learn...
And with every goodbye, you learn.
 
By Veronica A. Shoffstall 
 
 

Among the things I do not miss...
the screech of a modem dialing up.
 
All cable! All the time!
Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!

Cryostasis might actually be a useful thing, a way to kill time without beating it to death. Why waste human kilowatt hours on days or weeks that drain energy with aggravation, annoyance, suffering, or even boredom? Why not skip forward a bit, suspend self and let the cycle pass? Of course, one might run the risk of being called... frozen chicken.  
 
Yes, the melancholia persists. 

UMS - Ugly Mood Swings. I didn't make that one up. I first heard it on Moonlighting, an 80's sitcom with Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd. I liked that show for the witty repartee between those two. It had a Taming of the Shrew sharpness to it and... I don't want to get off on that tangent.

I'm still experiencing ugly mood swings. I'm not getting many of the highs, but the lows are coming often enough and over the dumbest things. It's the monthly weepies only worse because they're not constrained by the calendar and I actually feel rather stupid at some of the things which are drawing tears. Part of me wants to just crawl in a dark hole and wallow in unjustified pity (over what? hellifino). Part of me wants to lean on the edge of the world and weep for all of humanities problems, or shed tears of joy for all the triumphs.

It really is a bit of a bother to just be crying a lot, in either direction. My frikken heart swells up and spills over onto my cheeks during the 'reveals' on the home improvement shows! I'd be a true puddle if I caught a Hallmark commercial. Hell, just thinking about those tightens my throat. What IS this?

I could write it off to hormonal flux, I guess, despite lack of physical evidence to bear it out. I know this perimenopausal process is far too long and much too harrowing when it flares up. I've been on the slippery slope for several years now and I've had quite enough. To borrow from Archie Bunker, "G'head, Edith. If yer gonna have a change of life, do it now. I'll give ya 30 seconds."

If my spouse had an iota of empathy or compassion in his person, I might curl up with him and have a good long cry. He doesn't, so I don't. For him, "hugging is faggoty" unless it's done horizontally. Crying is absolutely verboten in his presence. He has no idea what to do with it and I can feel him recoil into the next galaxy. Not very comforting.

I'm not all that shot in the ass about this tearfulness myself, but I think I would only do myself harm to try to bind it up and trap it within. I've come to believe that's how people end up with terminal illnesses, their bodies are riddled with stuff they wouldn't allow themselves to release. So, I'll just cry, reckon, til it's all cried out.

There are other effects going on as well. I'm worn out or irritated or frustrated. There are perhaps explanations but no real justifications, in my opinion. It's just a general grating with a myriad of manifestations.

I don't want to be numb, but I also don't want to be the volley ball batted back and forth across the net between the Warm Fuzzies and Cold Pricklies. I like a more even sailing with the occasional spikes. The blind slam dunks are starting to wear on me. Even more explanation than being an aging female would help. That excuse doesn't do much to lift one's spirits.

I almost feel as though I live in a resort park. I mean, the drive in or out is good paved road, but it's a winding narrow road through a tunnel of trees. Instead of passing house after house, most of the trip is only dotted with houses between stretches of forest.

From inside my house, the whole view out back is forest. When I'm laying in bed I can see nothing but trees through the two windows door. Same tree view from the kitchen nook bay and the living room. Only the dining room and guest room windows face the street.

It's like seeing my furniture in a nice resort lodge or something, but... I actually live here.

I know that when Fall comes and the trees go bare, there will be a few houses visible out back, albeit at some distance. I think I'm okay with that. Most of the view will still be the dark twisted fingers of trees reaching up into the sky.

We've had deer visiting, as well as birds and lizards and a host of squirrels. It's like living inside the grounds of a state park. It's just the sort of place I like.

Even as I've begun to scatter our things around in the new house, in order to make it more like a home, I don't ever want to take this scenery for granted. It's serenity straight from Mother Nature, and I thank her for her wonders.

Back when I was in the corporate world, I used to delay parts of myself. I'd save my creative activities until the weekend, as well as any socializing. I used to put off emotional fits until after work hours, even though it was usually people or circumstances at work that prompted them. I'd wait til I got home to come unglued, lest I undermine my progress at work. I even delayed illness until such times as I could afford it? Like over a long weekend or during vacations and holiday breaks.

I felt driven to succeed. I was a woman fighting the ol' boy network. At the time it was a rare thing for a woman to work in technology, but it was my niche. I was a natural, and that was a good thing, because I had to be better than the best man around in order to shatter the glass ceilings. I'm proud to say that I did just that.

It has occurred to me, since all the moving stuff, that I fell back on my skill in delay tactics. I am really worn out. I was worn out from nearly the beginning. I had too much to do and not enough money or time or energy to do it. But... I did it. I trudged on, often by sheer force of will. And now I am stuck on a seesaw of recovery. Most of every day I just want to collapse, be null and void, lay like broccoli. I tell myself it's unwarranted. It's all done. How could I be exhausted now? But the truth is, I didn't have the luxury of exhaustion from sometime in March until mid June.

So, I put off my collapse. Now I can have it. I'm probably dragging it out longer by taking it piece-meal, but I guess I really don't know how to shut down completely. Over the last couple of weeks I've forced long baths and frequent naps. I've made myself sit zombie-like in front of the TV even when there's nothing on. All that zoning has helped, but I still catch myself in weeping fits over nothing, and moments without the energy to move. I know this is all months of effort and stress working its way to the surface and out, but it's still rather annoying.

It's kind of like trying to catch up on sleep. It never really works, but I shall try. I have a new place to explore and a new house to shape into my own private sanctuary. I look forward to it... when I can keep my eyes open and clear. I do love this place. It has the feel of living in a woodsy vacation resort, full time. I am thankful.

There is a machine, a marvelous machine, whose hulk is unmistakable, but generally ignored. The quietly humming sentinel stands tall, unmoving, keeping safe many treasures, and sometimes science projects. It generally needs no tending, only filling and the occasional sorting or shuffling of items within. It makes no demands of its own. It is a giver of light, when asked. It is a giver of cold, without having to be reminded. In fact, it gives quite selflessly of everything in its possession, in exchange for a mere pittance of energy to simply do its protective work. It keeps out intruders, except for those possessing opposable thumbs and enough muscle power to gain entry. All in all, it is a marvel, yet woefully taken for granted.

Yes, our refrigerator was delivered today and I am thrilled to let the Coleman cooler return to its previously designated use. I may not even mind the next few grocery trips as I restock, and no longer have a daily quest for bags of ice. I shall also enjoy the ease of stuffing my glass into the door of the thing to get ice and/or ice water. Oh yes, refrigeration was one of our best inventions. I am thankful.

Well, others in my lil cluster of pals have chosen to list 100 things about themselves, so I will too. Here tis:
1) I appreciate Everything (eventually).
2-100) See #1

What did you expect? I'm an infernal optimist. Besides, I'm quicksilver (duh). Any more detail on such a list would be obsolete before I posted it.

Oh yes, I have failed to mention that I am here, in my new house, in my new woods. I am soaking in my hot tub at least once daily. My ass and I are exceedingly happy that there will be no more road trips back and forth.

OH and I have high-speed cable internet access! FINALLY. No more mini soul deaths while waiting for pages to load at 24.6Kbps

The old house is up for sale. If you're curious, it's MLS #43585. We'd like a purchaser yesterday and a closing tomorrow. Thank you. :)

I think maybe the Blogger server is in the Pacific Time Zone, but for me it's already Friday, June 11th. Today, I try to pack all my 'camping' gear and move-leftovers into my PT Cruiser and... drive home... to my new home.. one more time. I am ready for all the extra chores and long road trips to be done. I am ready to make my home in the Ark.

I am ready to soak in my new whirlpool tub til I'm the pruniest of prunes and my freckles bubble off. I am ready to sit out on my marvelous deck and stare into the woods in the evenings, listening to the sounds of summer. I'm ready to have a good stiff drink then drift off to sleep in the arms of my husband, lover, and friend, for many moons to come.

As my latenight pal Bill pointed out, this is the end of one chapter and start of a new one. It's time to turn the page.

June 9th is my birthday. Happy Birthday to Me ;) Ghost bought us a lottery ticket. If the universe is looking for gift ideas, 21 million would be a really nice present. I could do a lot of marvelous things for a lot of marvelous people with my half of that.

This moving thing is grinding down at last. I'll likely be camped out in this empty house til Friday afternoon, but it's nearly all ready for me to GO. Got the carpet steam-cleaned today. Ghost was here too and will be here again tomorrow to finish up remaining TO DOs. The realtor is coming Thursday afternoon. Ghost plans to be here briefly on Friday to send me on my way. I plan to fill the interim hours with rest. I could use some 'null and void' time. I feel like my mind has been awhirl for months, since Spouse first mentioned sending out his resume.

Ghost is still looking for actual employment. We want him to get to Ark as well. That can progress now that my business is off the agenda. I would not have waylaid him for the world, but the circumstances were there. It has been a fantastic opportunity for both of us. His spouse has been grateful for the cashflow to supplement unemployment.

It feels like the transition is fading into whatever phase comes next. I think I'm ready. I am certainly willing. As one of my favorite poems says, I lean upon the window sill of heaven and, with that picture in my mind and heart, turn strong to meet the day.

Just a little bit of recovery time, so I can catch up with myself, and then... I'm good to go.

LTNS. Last week was the actual move. Loaded up on Tues and hauled to Ark. Unloaded on Wednesday. Again I thank the Powers for Ghost. The U-Haul truck was a 5-speed diesel dinosaur. It could have been perilous for me to drive it. Even though I do know how to drive a stick, this was a different animal. I had also stayed up all night Monday night trying to get the last of the packing done. I was supposed to drive my car so I could stay over the weekend to setup the house for Spouse so we could get him out of that expensive apartment. I couldn't have stayed awake for the drive. I decided to do the safe thing and rent a transport for my car. So, the diesel dino had a tag-along. Fun to be on a road trip with Ghost, even if the vehicle was a 15 yr old rattle trap weighing a few tons.

I have come to think of the new place as my treehouse. The deck is marvelous. The view from all but the front windows is forest. The birds are plentiful and lyrical. I've already filled the hummingbird feeder and they've already found it. Sunday morning, Spouse and I caught sight of the brightest little bluebird either of us has ever seen. I'll take that as a good omen.

I had a visit from a wood thrush a couple of days earlier. It miscalculated and flew into one of the bedroom windows. Stunned, he sat on the deck for a while, long enough for me to approach. He let me close enough to pet him. He let me slip my fingers under his feet and perched in my hand a minute. I set him back down and eventually he hopped to the edge of the deck then flew. He and his mate have a nest under the deck, with eggs. They are very welcome neighbors.

Ghost got to stick around through Friday morning before returning himself and the truck to MO. It was rather surreal to have him around all that time. We did a few impromptu rituals. After all, Wednesday was a full moon. We remember asking the Ancient Ones for that opportunity shortly after we met. Our wish was granted in spades.

It was also rather surreal for Ghost and Spouse and I to sit and chat comfortably together in the house and for dinner out. I'll have to say the comfort level wasn't all that surprising to me because I know both of them very well. Spouse was at work or at the apartment most of the time. Ghost and I stayed at the house. It was all quite natural, though I think very few people in today's society would understand how. These two men got along just fine and of course I am glad for both, in different ways, for different reasons. How Gemini of me, eh?

Ghost and I noticed a rather dramatic natural arbor visible from the deck. It's a couple of large trees whose limbs arch over to each other. There must be 20 or so feet between their trunks, and easily 40-50 ft up to the peak of the arch. Oddly, though the forest is rather thick otherwise, there is a noticeable little clearing between these two trees. Ghost set a stone circle in the space, about 12 ft across. He placed 12 large stones aligned with cardinal points and positions in between. So now I have my own compass, my own little stonehenge, and a reminder of that magical week with Ghost. Spouse thinks it's clever, although he doesn't put much stock in any other significance for such things.

On June 3rd, Ghost and I saw the full moon seemingly perched just above the peak of the arbor. She was large and bright white. I will again take this as a good omen. It felt very much like a blessing.

The transition isn't quite done, but nearly. Even though the move has been stressful, and no matter what happens from now, I will always cherish the memories from last week.

Have I ever asked for adventure? I don't think I have. Even when I dabble in fiction, it tends to be unknotting rather than knotting. In fact, it's hard for me to come up with conflicts as one is supposed to do to build a story. I abhor conflict in real life and I just haven't the will or mindset to stir the plot too much. It is the resolution of conflicts which I find challenging, and even enjoyable.

But have I ever asked for my life to get knotted and tangled so I'd have something to unravel? I hope not. I didn't mean to.

I'm a Gemini with Libra Rising. My mercurial nature helps me see both sides or all sides of most issues, and my Libra tendencies can usually find some way to rebalance a tilt in the scales. But I don't recall ever tipping the scales on purpose. It's just not my way. I much prefer the even keel. That is not boredom to me, it's not a rut, it's a nice balance from which to operate. I can handle the dips and tips, if they don't go on for too long. But after a while, if I cannot right the scales and find my equilibrium again, then I become quite distraught with that tension.

This long distance household move, this buying and selling of houses, is a chaotic imbalance. The scales of my life are on a ship in stormy seas, and rocking, sometimes wildly. The ups and downs are making me seasick. I have in fact heaved over the rail a few times. Even the three-year journey to this point has been long and fraught with trials.

I stand on the deck watching the storm and sometimes wailing at it. I scan the tempestuous horizon for sign of shore or lighthouse. I need to find a port. I need to weigh anchor. I am completely at home with smooth sailing or the gentle rocking motion in the marina, but these tidal waves are tormenting.

The winking eye of a lighthouse tells me that a Closing may occur on Friday. I have been steering in that direction, but until I get to that shore, I know there are rocks upon which my entire ship may be dashed. I put my hope in eventual daylight and the calming of the seas and skies. I imagine afternoons in the bay, sipping in the sunshine. I dream of nights, lounging on deck, watching moonlight on gentle water.

How's that for milking a metaphor? ;)

I am now reminded that I have a story on the board about a lonely captain and an unfortunate woman. Maybe I can get back to them someday, when my own ship is once again safely in harbor.

Dad is now recuperating at home in the state of KY! I am in the state of MO but may be in the state of AR sometime this week for the Closing on the new house. Then I will be back here in the state of MO, finishing up packing for the Move... which is presently scheduled to begin June 1 and will likely last for a few days, beginning in the state of MO and ending in the state of AR, of course. Then I'll be back in the state of MO again to finish cleaning, incl having the carpets steam cleaned. Will also get the realtor ducks in a row, I hope. Then one last drive to the state of AR? Then maybe I'll be able to sit for a while amongst unpacked boxes and determine what state I'm actually in.

Good heavens, I don't want to turn this into a BitchSpot instead of a BlogSpot, but in order to recount what went on Friday, it would have to be that. How very surreal to have a repeat of a horrific plumbing problem overnight which plagued this house over a year ago. Ghost arrived early this morning, just after the plumbing company called to say they were sending someone out. By the way, it is entirely too bizarre that this particular plumber's real name is Mario.

At any rate, I soon had a professional plumber on the roof snaking the air vent to grind through some trapped dead creature. (Same song, second verse, repeat of February 2003). This later turned into his disassembly of the cabinetry and wall of mirror in one of the bathrooms, while the toilet in the other bathroom was set off to one side on the soaked floor. (Two toilets, in back-to-back bathrooms, had become overflow fountains at about 3am.) The plumber's clearing of the air vent problem, being perhaps a bit too aggressive, became broken PVC piping under the fixtures, pouring waste water through new ceiling tiles into the basement.

Meanwhile, I had a crew in another part of the basement working on digging out a sump pump which had foundered in mud due to poor original design and 30 yrs of no maintenance. They had to haul in gravel through a window, one bucket at a time, to set up a filter for ground water in the crawl space, then put in a new sump pump, and route the exit pipe through walls, between floor and ceiling, then out the back of the house through the concrete foundation.

Ghost was here all day, thank the Powers. He was a sometime helper to the professional plumber when needed, and checked on the sump fixers periodically. But, his primary task was to babysit me while I came unglued.

I needed more bullshit with this house. I'm sure I did. Now if the Universe would just tell me why (and throw money), I might be able to recover from it.

Silver linings:
~ The plumbing problem could have been worse. Could have had the fountains overnight Friday night and been paying a plumber Saturday rates.
~ The sump fix was originally scheduled for a couple of weeks from now because the fixers were tied up on another job. But that would have further delayed me getting out of here. Glad to have it done sooner.

Good News elsewhere: Dad was moved out of ICU and may get to go home in a day or so.

I hope it rains this weekend. I hope we get torrential rains that would have ordinarily ended up as a pool on my basement floor. At least then I'll know if the sump fix works. Of course, it might have been nice to have slightly muddy rainwater to wash the toilet water off the concrete, but that's what mops and buckets are for, eh?

Oh, and the mortgage company dude was still calling for information today, even though the closing is scheduled for Wednesday... or was... now maybe Friday. Hope someone tells me when I do and do not need to drive 7 hrs one way to sign papers for an hour then come back to get a household moved, so I can make the drive again to unload, so I can came back again to finish cleaning and get a realtor to sell this house.

I've made a calendar and tentatively marked which state I need to be in on which days.

Now what was I saying about positive thinking? I'm trying, I really am. As noted, sometimes it's a lot of work.

Am I having fun yet?

~ Dad is still in ICU which we still think is a good thing. We'd like for him to be very stable before they move him out into a regular room. He's got good drugs. My sister said he's talking about all kinds of weird stuff but with his usual sense of humor thrown in. The ICU nurses love him, but then, who couldn't love my Dad? :) Thankfully ICU visitor rules force Mom to rest for a few hours in between. They'd rather be together all the time, but this is gonna be a long road and she needs rest. She's awesome too. I love them both more than I can express, which as you may have gleaned is a rare thing for me.
~ We're supposed to be closing on the new house on Wednesday, May 26th, so I'll be on the road for that. It'll be nice to actually SEE the house I'll be living in.
~ Sale prep and Move prep here are proceeding apace, mostly due to Ghost who is managing almost any handyman task as well as helping salvage my shredded sanity.
~ Spouse likes his new job even though they're going through a computer system upgrade. It's good in a way. He'll be as knowledgable as anyone else about it. He's as ready for us to be in our house, our home, as I am.

That's all for now. Back to work.

I've kept this topic out of my blogs because I didn't want to draw attention to it which might present opportunity for negativity. However, I hope that the crisis point has now passed, and being able to report it just that way makes it okay to speak about it now.

I know that sounds highly cryptic, but you'd have to know how I was raised and what I think I've learned about energy conversion to maybe understand how I've been dealing with this matter.

What is 'this matter'? My father's surgery. I choose not to detail more about it here except to say it was serious and got more so. All surgery is potentially life-treatening, of course, but the percentages are generally in favor of survival and recovery, else it isn't done. My father's surgery went mostly as expected but he had terrible pain and trouble in the three days following. Overnight last night, the doctors suspected more than ordinary recovery difficulties and took Dad back into surgery early this morning to find the problem and repair it.

Now I will do what I often do with a crisis: intellectualize and analyze. It's one of my methods of coping.

Why didn't I mention Dad's surgery before? I've only told a few people and not really dwelt on it. The 'unknown' factor of such an impending event tends to foster fear and worry. Unless we control our responses, dwelling on an upcoming challenge tends to draw negative thoughts. It is very hard for most people to visualize good outcomes, at least on the outset. If they can do it at all, they really have to work at it. The usual reaction to potential hazard is to think immediately of the worst possible scenario.

I understand that we are more powerful than we know and that when we visualize something very strongly, with a lot of emotion behind it, we can manifest it. We can bring our fears into being, if we're not careful. Fear and worry are natural reactions. We must acknowledge them, but to dwell in them is to lend energy to the feared outcome -- to fuel the fire -- and we may very well get precisely what we're afraid of.

In a really strange twist of ego, we'd almost rather be right about our fears, than to have a situation turn out better, and be wrong. We are embarrassed when we're wrong or when we've done something silly, like succumbing to fear over what turns out to be nothing.

I do my best not to fall into this ego trap. I do it with a lot of positive assumptions. Then if my ego gets involved in trying to prove me right, it's energy applied to a positive outcome and not a negative one. I am more likely to get what I want, and not what I fear.

I try to assume a thing will turn out okay, unless it proves otherwise, IF it proves otherwise. Most of my experience has shown that this method achieves more positive results. Of course, 'bad' things happen, but I generally have more energy to deal with them if I have not wasted it on fear and worry beforehand. I also believe very very strongly that things are never as bad as they could have been, so I have supported a more positive outcome, if not a completely positive outcome.

I am not afraid to be wrong about being positive. In a way, if I always look for the bright side, I can never be wrong, because there is always a silver lining, always. As my father says, sometimes you have to look really hard for it, but it's there. Sure it's a lot about attitude, about perception, but this is how the energy works too.

It is a choice. I can choose to buy into the drama of a life situation. I can choose to soak myself in the horror, in the hardship. I can take on the burden of terrible events and let them weigh me down until they nearly crush me...

Or...

I can choose to assume things happen for a reason and that ultimately the reason is positive, thus the effective outcome is positive, no matter what happens. I can push away the thoughts about the worst-case-scenario, recognizing those thoughts as merely fear responses and not lending them power over me or the situation. I can refuse to wear my fears or carry them around, proliferating them with woe-is-me talk or retelling the possible horror over and over.

I can choose to stand upright and face a thing with a challenge --- not a challenge to fate, but a challenge to me -- ala, I will find a silver lining, no matter how small it may be or how hard I have to search. I WILL find it.

Not surprisingly, the silver linings are always there. We see what we're looking for. We get what we're asking for. Sometimes I need help to make these conversions and that's alright. We all need each other. But I will not ask for others to feel sorry for me, or with me. That is a waste of my energy and theirs. However, I sure as hell can ask them to look for silver linings with me. I can ask them to help distract me so I won't dwell on the fear or worry. I can ask them to help me face a challenge with good thoughts and positive energy, and I sure hope I do the same when they come to me with their own challenges.

I have learned this from my parents and their parents and I don't know how many generations before them. I have verified it through my own life experience and from watching the way others deal with their challenges.

Early in life, we take on our methods of coping from those around us. Later, if we're aware, we can pick and choose our own set of methods. I am so very glad I had such a positive menu to choose from. I hope I demonstrate these options to others who may not have been as fortunate.

My parents continue to demonstrate their positive energy. Despite the trial of the last few days, I know I will ultimately hear my father tell how it all worked for the best. My mother will express how concerned she was for him at the time, but she will echo his sentiment. They will not belabor the hardships. They'll gloss over the potential tragedy, if they mention it at all. They will say it was not as bad as it could have been. They will both express their gratitude that he came through it.

I support their methods. In fact, I do my best to live by them. I focus on positive outcomes. I express my gratitude for anything beyond the worst case, and in such a way, I will likely never experience the worst case, because even in the most dire circumstance, there is always a silver lining. I will look until I find it and in doing so, I convert the negative energy of a situation into light.

My father is working his way back from a crisis. My mother is working beside him. My siblings are gathered around him to help too. I am not close by physically, but my heart is certainly there. I have called in friends to focus with me. And I have asked the powers that be to take care of my father and once again show us all the true power of a positive attitude.

Painting, although Ghost is doing the bulk of it. Shopping for a realtor to sell this house. Trying to get someone to at least give me an estimate for fixing the basement water problem. Shopping for a moving company. Stepping around and over boxes I'm packing myself. There's not a flat spot in the house that doesn't have stuff on it as I try to deal with all the remaining tasks, or unpacked odd & ends. Things that go with nothing else, go with each other?

Closing on the new house is still scheduled for May 25th. The move will be around June 1. I will be blissfully comatose for a few days shortly thereafter? hehe

June should be good for me. Mercury will have straightened up (May 18th, well before we have to sign house papers, which is a damned good thing 'cause a Merc retrograde can mess with that sort of stuff.) As of June 6th, Mercury will be in its home sign, my sign, Gemini, along with the Sun. That's all good. Everything should flow more smoothly, but then there's bound to be an easy period following this hectic mania.

I'm counting on it.

Saturday was a good day, despite the fact that the calendar has me in its grip. Those who do not know what that means are definitely not female. Now you may get my drift. BUT, I digress... Despite the calendar and the stress of this moving thing, I had a good day overall.

I was semi-productive, getting more things sorted and packed. Before I got into that, I had a couple of hours where I was about to fry. My mind is a whirling blur of things I need to do, want to do, cannot do yet, etc, ad nausem. But, the physical and distracting activity of sorting and packing, though dreaded, turned out to be therapeutic.

Later, I got to roleplay some. It wasn't terribly plot-raising or anything, but it was comfortable and fun. That doesn't happen a lot lately. It's partly my fault for not even making the attempt, but I find my patience is pretty thin for it. Maybe I'm an elitist, maybe not. I just know what I like and it seems hard to find. However, Saturday night was quite enjoyable. Made me want to be a regular player again. We shall see. There are possibilities. It certainly is nice to step into my character(s) skin and be someone else for a little while.

We are in the middle of a Mercury Retrograde.
Mercury started moving backward on the Wheel on April 6th in the sign of Taurus.
It stopped and resumed forward motion on April 30th, having dipped back into Aries a little.
Now Mercury will proceed forward until it catches up to its original path, completing the return on May 18th, once again in Taurus.

Things should go a lot smoother after that, especially in the realms of communication (human and technological), transportation, and computers.

House House HOUSE. I am doodling in PhotoShop, and in my head, furnishing and decorating a house I haven't even seen in real life. It's a 7-hour drive from here, so I can't stop by, I can't walk through it. I may not see it before I arrive there to let the movers in. I have several photos, a really lousy copy of the -possible- floor plan, and spouse's descriptions during the scouting walk-thru.

I am anxious, and yes, excited. I want to go there and START, but I can't do that until I FINISH here. It's perturbing. We're still wading through paperwork on the new house, like hunting up someone to insure the place since our present insurer doesn't/won't cover it. I dunno what all spouse is filling out and filing from that side.

And this water-nightmare here.... We've sprung a more vicious leak. Since Ghost appropriately filled in a crack in the cement floor of the basement, it has become obvious that the minor rainwater problem we thought we had here was actually major. Previously, the water was draining down into that floor crack. Now it's a standing pool with no where to go. Did I mention that the last two weekends have brought torrential downpours?

I called one of the popular waterproofing companies here to come give me an estimate. They say they cannot fix it. Fortunately they gave me the name of another company which -might- be able to do something. They also suggested that I check with our insurance company to see if there is coverage. They were doubtful though. So was the insurance company when I called. Then the doubt turned into a firm 'No' after the adjuster came for a visit. This is not good.

We do not have thousands of dollars to fix this problem AND put the down payment on the new house. We'll have to see what this other company says about the fix and do more logistical pretzeling to somehow get both houses done. There are options and we will find a way to work it out. I know this, but already I have a headache just thinking about what kind of machinations will have to take place before it's through.

My back is aching from all the juggling.

I need to hand Ghost some nicely scented oil and let him do some real handiwork?

Now there's a thought.

I have been given a marvelous gift which has kept on giving for the last few years and during this period of mania is a much-needed anchor of sanity. Although, to most people, the whole story might seem to border on the insane. While Spouse is already moved and I am here to bring the rest along to him, I have help.

A little history: In January of 2001, I went to a meeting of a local group which I'd found online through an email forum. The meeting was in a local billiard hall, which in this case is a good clean casual public place. Always a good idea to pick such a place for online strangers to meet. Nevermind the purpose of the group. I will only say that it had nothing to do with the real impact of that evening.

There was a huge full moon in the sky that night and I stood for several moments just to admire it before I went into the meeting. Then, I strode through the billiard hall toward a refreshment stand at the back where I could get a Coke. On the way, I looked around for the gathering I'd come to participate in.

I didn't really recognize such a gathering until I got my Coke then turned around to scan the hall again. I saw some folks who looked like a possibility and then I saw a man who made eye contact. He smiled and nodded. And I swear, the Universe winked. There was nearly an audible click, like puzzle pieces locking into place.

As I crossed to the gathering and this fellow in particular, I was nearly blinded. I had only vague hints of auras before, by sight. I mean, I 'feel' the auras of other people, sensing their general demeanor or emotional state. But this... was visible. This man had about a two-foot sparkling aura. Even staring right at him I couldn't have told you what he really looked like. I could barely see him through that shining mantle of light. It was marvelous.

As I came close enough to introduce myself and shake hands, I could then feel that aura too. I had an overwhelming sense of comfort, and somewhere in the background, familiarity. I had no clue as to who he was then, but I had instant trust and felt as though I could free-fall into his aura for perfect peace. I was sure that this meeting was something extraordinary, I just didn't know why.

Well, I emailed him and relayed pretty much what I've said here. I told him that if my hunch was wrong, I would never trust my intuition again. I was somewhat confident that he would be open to this little hoodoo boogity side of the meeting. The gathering had proceeded apace that night, and left no room for discussing my experience with the guy. As I said, the gathering had absolutely no connection to anything like what I saw and felt. It was not in any way a spiritual context. However, he and I sat together at that meeting and I think we were shoulder to shoulder the whole time, either touching or nearly so. We were drawn together like magnets, like two halves of one whole, or kindred souls.... though we said not a word concerning anything remotely related to such a topic.

To cut a long story short, he had experienced something too when we met. Unfortunately he didn't get to see his own light show. In the time since, over the last three years, we've spent a lot of hours discussing that meeting and just about everything else in the cosmos, across lifetimes, even millenia. We have some clues about who we are to each other. It is a gift beyond measure for us to be able to spend time together, again, in physical reality.

I must add that as deep as this relationship sounds, this man is not my spouse and not intended to be so in this lifetime. We have work to do, together and separately. It seems perfectly appropriate for us to do it from separate households with separate lifemates, etc. We're both fine with this. Our relationship does not destabilize our lives otherwise. In fact, in some ways, it provides strengthening and support.

I know this would be difficult, if not impossible, for a lot of people to understand, but I am secure in this relationship just exactly as it is. So is he. Furthermore, Spouse knows about this fellow and what we've been up to, at least the stuff he doesn't find boring or too weird ;) He is also fine with it.

Which brings me back to now. Early on, I nicknamed my friend and soul pathmate "Ghost". (Longer story there.) He has been able to come help me with all the things that must be done to this house to make it show and sell well. He has also provided moral support and absolute sanity preservation during this period.

I may later expound more on our relationship, but the main thing to say at this junction, and always, is that I am extremely thankful for Ghost and for this time we have together. No matter where we go from here, we will always have this, and we can store it along with all the other memories we have together from a past too long to recount. In truth, we are well aware that on a soul level we are nearly inseparable. I repeat, I am grateful.

So far, third time is indeed a charm. Our contract was accepted. Now we start jumping through the firey hoops of mortgage loan acquisition. However, we already did some preliminary work on that. While looking for a property, we shopped for mortgages and obtained a pre-approval, but at a really ugly interest rate. We have a better offer from a more local lender, and now that there's an actual property involved, there will be a bit more detailed paper shuffling.

My enthusiam is dampened by the struggle to get here, but, we do seem to be on the move, literally and figuratively. Our realtor is shooting for a May 25th closing, so I could actually be moved before my birthday on June 9th. I will expect serious celebration, although my idea of that may involve no more than a quiet evening of having to do absolutely nothing.

This also verifies my hoodoo boogity method of trying to find out where we'd end up. I used a pendulum for divination - back and forth for Yes, left and right for No. When I asked about several roads, back around the 2nd wave, I only got a positive answer on one road. So then why has it been such a hassle to find the house?

Well, as my soul-twin-sister Xan has recently pointed out, sometimes it's all about the question.

When I asked, I did not ask about a specific house number. I only asked about the individual roads. The property on the list at that time, on this particular road, was not acceptable when spouse went to see it. It had a fatal flaw, a feature we would not accept. I was very disappointed. I thought the pendulum had deceived me.

We looked at another property on this road in the next wave and again it had a fatal flaw. Again, I was disappointed. Now this is the first time I mentioned the divination thing to the spouse. I thought it was a failed experiment and told him a little about it, ala "I really thought it would be the one on ____ road". He doesn't really believe in my hoodoo booogity stuff anyway. He thinks I'm a weird woman most of the time :) and I have to agree, but we're both okay with that.

In this last wave on Sunday, I was open to any of the new list of properties to peruse. I knew there was one on THE road, but I was determined not to influence it other than assessment of the houses and lots on their own merit. It was actually Spouse who came to the conclusion that the most acceptable property was on THE road, and certainly not for that reason. He liked the look and feel of that one much more than the others. It met more of our list of requirements than the others.

So, it seems I got an answer, the road was right. Had I asked about the actual addresses, the answer might have turned out differently. I shall pose my questions more carefully in future, eh?

Now, on with the show....