Stress. I'm stressed by trying not to be stressed. I keep trying to clamp down on it but I think that's just making it worse. I guess I'm trying to pretend not to be stressed, which isn't the same as relieving stress. But short of drinking until I pass out, I seem incapable of relieving the stress. *sigh*

We have got to get out from under the house in AR. I've got to get out from under this draqgged out medical saga and the bills that go with it. All this shit is on my last nerve. I'm loosing hair but not from chemo (which-I-can't-even-start-yet-because-the-gdmf-reversal-is-taking-forever). I'm loosing hair from stress. It's in the same pile with all the sleep I've lost. *heavy sigh*

I've struggled to kill this last month while waiting for Thursday's procedure. I pray nothing else crops up during that to cause more bullshit and delays. Even if it goes perfectly, I have nineteen more days to kill before the surgery. *double heavy sigh*

I cannot change anything and I cannot accept the things I cannot change. Did I mention I'm stressed? phht