I have been given a marvelous gift which has kept on giving for the last few years and during this period of mania is a much-needed anchor of sanity. Although, to most people, the whole story might seem to border on the insane. While Spouse is already moved and I am here to bring the rest along to him, I have help.

A little history: In January of 2001, I went to a meeting of a local group which I'd found online through an email forum. The meeting was in a local billiard hall, which in this case is a good clean casual public place. Always a good idea to pick such a place for online strangers to meet. Nevermind the purpose of the group. I will only say that it had nothing to do with the real impact of that evening.

There was a huge full moon in the sky that night and I stood for several moments just to admire it before I went into the meeting. Then, I strode through the billiard hall toward a refreshment stand at the back where I could get a Coke. On the way, I looked around for the gathering I'd come to participate in.

I didn't really recognize such a gathering until I got my Coke then turned around to scan the hall again. I saw some folks who looked like a possibility and then I saw a man who made eye contact. He smiled and nodded. And I swear, the Universe winked. There was nearly an audible click, like puzzle pieces locking into place.

As I crossed to the gathering and this fellow in particular, I was nearly blinded. I had only vague hints of auras before, by sight. I mean, I 'feel' the auras of other people, sensing their general demeanor or emotional state. But this... was visible. This man had about a two-foot sparkling aura. Even staring right at him I couldn't have told you what he really looked like. I could barely see him through that shining mantle of light. It was marvelous.

As I came close enough to introduce myself and shake hands, I could then feel that aura too. I had an overwhelming sense of comfort, and somewhere in the background, familiarity. I had no clue as to who he was then, but I had instant trust and felt as though I could free-fall into his aura for perfect peace. I was sure that this meeting was something extraordinary, I just didn't know why.

Well, I emailed him and relayed pretty much what I've said here. I told him that if my hunch was wrong, I would never trust my intuition again. I was somewhat confident that he would be open to this little hoodoo boogity side of the meeting. The gathering had proceeded apace that night, and left no room for discussing my experience with the guy. As I said, the gathering had absolutely no connection to anything like what I saw and felt. It was not in any way a spiritual context. However, he and I sat together at that meeting and I think we were shoulder to shoulder the whole time, either touching or nearly so. We were drawn together like magnets, like two halves of one whole, or kindred souls.... though we said not a word concerning anything remotely related to such a topic.

To cut a long story short, he had experienced something too when we met. Unfortunately he didn't get to see his own light show. In the time since, over the last three years, we've spent a lot of hours discussing that meeting and just about everything else in the cosmos, across lifetimes, even millenia. We have some clues about who we are to each other. It is a gift beyond measure for us to be able to spend time together, again, in physical reality.

I must add that as deep as this relationship sounds, this man is not my spouse and not intended to be so in this lifetime. We have work to do, together and separately. It seems perfectly appropriate for us to do it from separate households with separate lifemates, etc. We're both fine with this. Our relationship does not destabilize our lives otherwise. In fact, in some ways, it provides strengthening and support.

I know this would be difficult, if not impossible, for a lot of people to understand, but I am secure in this relationship just exactly as it is. So is he. Furthermore, Spouse knows about this fellow and what we've been up to, at least the stuff he doesn't find boring or too weird ;) He is also fine with it.

Which brings me back to now. Early on, I nicknamed my friend and soul pathmate "Ghost". (Longer story there.) He has been able to come help me with all the things that must be done to this house to make it show and sell well. He has also provided moral support and absolute sanity preservation during this period.

I may later expound more on our relationship, but the main thing to say at this junction, and always, is that I am extremely thankful for Ghost and for this time we have together. No matter where we go from here, we will always have this, and we can store it along with all the other memories we have together from a past too long to recount. In truth, we are well aware that on a soul level we are nearly inseparable. I repeat, I am grateful.

So far, third time is indeed a charm. Our contract was accepted. Now we start jumping through the firey hoops of mortgage loan acquisition. However, we already did some preliminary work on that. While looking for a property, we shopped for mortgages and obtained a pre-approval, but at a really ugly interest rate. We have a better offer from a more local lender, and now that there's an actual property involved, there will be a bit more detailed paper shuffling.

My enthusiam is dampened by the struggle to get here, but, we do seem to be on the move, literally and figuratively. Our realtor is shooting for a May 25th closing, so I could actually be moved before my birthday on June 9th. I will expect serious celebration, although my idea of that may involve no more than a quiet evening of having to do absolutely nothing.

This also verifies my hoodoo boogity method of trying to find out where we'd end up. I used a pendulum for divination - back and forth for Yes, left and right for No. When I asked about several roads, back around the 2nd wave, I only got a positive answer on one road. So then why has it been such a hassle to find the house?

Well, as my soul-twin-sister Xan has recently pointed out, sometimes it's all about the question.

When I asked, I did not ask about a specific house number. I only asked about the individual roads. The property on the list at that time, on this particular road, was not acceptable when spouse went to see it. It had a fatal flaw, a feature we would not accept. I was very disappointed. I thought the pendulum had deceived me.

We looked at another property on this road in the next wave and again it had a fatal flaw. Again, I was disappointed. Now this is the first time I mentioned the divination thing to the spouse. I thought it was a failed experiment and told him a little about it, ala "I really thought it would be the one on ____ road". He doesn't really believe in my hoodoo booogity stuff anyway. He thinks I'm a weird woman most of the time :) and I have to agree, but we're both okay with that.

In this last wave on Sunday, I was open to any of the new list of properties to peruse. I knew there was one on THE road, but I was determined not to influence it other than assessment of the houses and lots on their own merit. It was actually Spouse who came to the conclusion that the most acceptable property was on THE road, and certainly not for that reason. He liked the look and feel of that one much more than the others. It met more of our list of requirements than the others.

So, it seems I got an answer, the road was right. Had I asked about the actual addresses, the answer might have turned out differently. I shall pose my questions more carefully in future, eh?

Now, on with the show....

There were seven, but four were quickly eliminated. The remaining three are close. If our primary house selection does not fly, then at least we have two acceptable backups. Tomorrow we're writing up our 3rd buyer's contract, on our favorite choice from the trio. Now we find out if 3rd-time IS a charm. Now we find out if my pendulum query to the universe is correct or not.

Oh. I didn't tell you about that? Well, this house qualifies for the 'answer' I got when I asked, in a hoodoo boogity sort of way, where the hell I'd end up living. We shall see. I am miffed. So I am being testy... with a test.

I'll let you know how it turns out.

Sometimes there's nothing better than a simple pleasure, like... a bologna sandwich with a juicy tomato. Don't give me any crap about what time it is. I've been up for several hours and I was hungry and the sandwich sounded good. Who cares if it's 'breakfast time'? I think outside the box! By golly, I can eat outside the box! So, nya. Guess what, You can do anything you want outside the box too. You either created your own box or accepted it. Thus you have the right to remodel it or burn the thing and rake the ashes. Hey, at least get a knife, cut yerself some windows, hang out of them with yer tongue lolling and ears flapping like a dog in a car. It's fun! Ever do that thing where you surf the wind with your hand? I like that better than actually hanging out of a car window. Too many tangles to brush out of my hair. (Am I scary yet? :)

Today, Spouse and the realtor trudge out into the wylds with another list of properties to peruse. We have reduced our requirements to a place to live which will be tolerable, including tolerable privacy, and a tolerable mortgage payment. Thus we hope to avoid renting and having to make a more immediate double move. In fact, we have tagged a few potential properties as simply "better than renting". Since we cannot find the house we want on the land we want, it appears we'll have to settle for just a place to keep ourselves and our stuff, then later buy some land and build. I shall be informed by cell phone as to the outcome of today's foray into the house hunt.

Relieved and disappointed. Our contract is out, someone else's is in. Back to the MLS listings. I think this is the 5th Wave. Maybe the 3rd offer will be a charm? I dunno. I am convinced that there is a house we are -supposed- to be in, ie, tied into the reason I'm being moved. Would be nice if the Powers That Be would drop me a line and tell me where the hell I need to live, eh? I'm game, but I don't like -this- game.

Okay, to set the stage... the spouse is in Northwest Arkansas, and I am in Southeast Missouri. I have to get this house prepped for sale and get our junk moved from here to there. Of course, before the move can happen, we have to buy a house to move into. Some of the sale prep has been occurring even while I've been reviewing houses to buy - remotely - thank goodness for the internet. Spouse has been driving around and/or touring the ones we've found that look good on paper (or screen). Very few of them look as good in real life. Nearly all of them have had a 'fatal flaw' which knocked them off the possibles list. Realtors are good at lying by omission and fairly creative at the camera work.

Despite all that, we found one, wrote up a buyer's contract. Apparently, so did another set of buyers. Then, the seller's agent did what is surely an unethical thing. It seems she presented both contracts to the seller at the same time, even though ours was reportedly drawn up first. Well, the other buyers did something we didn't, I guess, because they got the house out from under us. O... K... Fine.

Back to the MLS listings. More selections. More fatal flaws. That was the 2nd Wave.
Back to the MLS listings, hack half our wish list, get some possibles, weed the fatal flaws...
and we find another house which we're reluctant but desperate to buy.

BTW, Northwest Arkansas is loaded with properties and the prices are good but we absolutely refuse to live in a house that's only 10 ft from other houses, or old enough that there's a list of repair work waiting for us to take possession.

Anyway, we picked this house. Well, Spouse picked it more than me, but I've seen the pictures. It is brand new, no previous occupants. This is a bonus. It has a pretense of privacy despite being in a subdivision. Also good. It is also, in my opinion, too freakin prissy. The style of this thing (French Provincial) is SO not me that I found it depressing. Spouse says it's not all that frufru in actuality, but his taste runs that way so I discount his judgement.

However... I am also damned tired of the wild goose chase and so at this point I'm about ready to buy anything just to get this dog and pony show on the road.

Negotiations on the prissy house (or would that be prisseè?) are in progress. I am trying not to stress over this transition, but I feel like I'm stuck in a serious hurry-up-and-wait mode that can only get worse. FYI, patience is not my strongest virtue. I am not good at idling, but I also hate being forced into emergency mode. All of that is happening or likely to. The logistics of this thing are just too complex. I want to be done with all of this - yesterday!

So, to get things moving, literally, I hope we get this house, but even if we get it, I am not the happiest camper, because it's just too fancied up. It most certainly would not be my choice, if I had a choice.

Now, in order to soothe my jagged nerves a bit, I have gone totally anal retentive. I've made up a floor plan from a few pictures, a virtual tour, and Spouse's descriptions. I've tried to work our furniture into the spaces and determine where the holes are. I've also designed a color scheme to work through the whole place.

I guess I'm trying to convince myself that I can in fact tolerate this dwelling. Compared to some of the places we had to live in Nebraska, due to very small market, this really is not a hardship, but, it still irks.

I won't go into the furniture thing since you'd have to know how NOT suitable our furnishings are for this house, but I can fake it, I guess. However, I think my color scheme is clever and so I'll share it. I may use it in whatever house we end up occupying.

The overall theme is Seasons. Simple enough.
Great Room (living and dining): Autumn - earthy jewel tones, like nutmeg brown, hunter green, navy blue, rusty burgundy, and maybe even some eggplant purple tossed in
Kitchen: Summer - spice and pepper colors, ala sundried tomato, cayenne, oregano, cinnamon, with linens in unbleached muslin to knock the shine off all the frikken high-white cabinetry
Master Bedroom and Bath: Winter - going much cooler with whites and greys grounded with some black, then accented in more vibrant blue, magenta, purple
Guest Bedroom: Spring, but NO pastels... grass green, bright yellow, and other floral colors to fill out a wildflower sort of garden
Main Bath: also Spring, but I think maybe all those vibrant colors played out almost confetti-style, sort of a mix and match, little spots of all the colors here and there among the accessories

There's a 3rd bedroom which will be the office/computer room. I doubt there will be much of any decorating there. Gotta have a load of support furniture. BUT, if there's color, it will be purple, my favorite. Notice how I can work that into all the rooms :)

Throughout, I plan to soften and naturalize with shitloads of silk greenery.

And... that's more than anyone likely wants to know, but hey, it's my blog, I can blather if I want to, yes?

Now I await the outcome of the horse (house) trading process to see if we get this place which I don't really want although I've already virtually moved us into it.

I am always on a quest for meaning. I no longer believe in coincidence. There have been too many times when I've nearly been crushed... and exhilarated... by synchronicity. I have always been curious about the Hows and Whys, but since my spiritual awakening, this curiosity has become quite sharp. I am seeing more, and so I try to glean more from it.

I don't quandry too much over the everyday events that flow by. Too much to track. But I have no doubt anymore that every little thing is geared to the clockwork of the universe. I don't mean this in a predetermined or fatalistic sort of way, only that everything works under basic laws. There is action and reaction, as noted, and these tend to occur under principles of reflection and attraction.

In the synchronicity of microcosm and macrocosm, everything works similarly to the way atoms work. Molecules and human experiences form in the same way. There are exchanges or linkages which occur naturally to fullfill needs or create bonds. There can be separations and realignments as well. It's all about interaction, in the long run.

It's the stuff we hear bandied about a lot: Like calls to like, but it is also true that opposites can attract. What you do comes back to you. You reap what you sow. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Be who you want to see in the world...

There seems to be a difference of opinion on the ratio of what we get back, relative to what we send out. Some say one for one, some say three-fold, some say times ten, some say in spades. But the indisputable point is, we do get it back. It's not just comeuppance either, we get back goodness as well, if that's what we send out. Random acts of kindness are repaid. The more you give, the more you have...

The caveat is valid in any case: Be careful what you ask for (through your actions and intentions) because you aren't just liable to get it, you -will- get it, sooner or later.

It is true that we get what we need. It may not seem that way, consciously, but in the grander scheme, from our higher soul's perspective, we do indeed attract what we need. We draw unto ourselves the people and circumstances we want or need in order to follow our own spirit's curriculum. We attract aid for projects we intended to undertake in this lifetime, and so forth.

And that brings me back around to my quest for meaning.

Of late, the big quandry is this move. Why Northwest Arkansas? Why now? This is not a move I'd have chosen, but I am open to going where I need to go, where I can grow spiritually and do the most for the greater good. So, what is this move for? I know without question that it's about more than just a new job for my spouse. There were surely many jobs that would have suited in many places, but this is the one that panned out. So, I want to know why.

The signs, the syncs, have been very clear. It's the purpose or reason that's foggy. Alas, these things are too often like astrological or psychic predictions. They make more sense when we look back on them. Harder to see the details in the omens beforehand. But then, I guess it would be tedious to know the future at a glance. There'd be nothing left to do but play it out. I wouldn't like that, but sometimes it's aggravating to see the direction of my path and yet not know the reason for going there.

I have guesses. I am a freak for patterns. I see them everywhere. As the tapestry is woven I can almost guess the developing scene... almost. I pay attention to what catches my attention. Sounds obvious, but isn't. When I drive along a road there are innumerable signs here and there, but only a few will really jump out at me and grab my attention. If I ponder those for a moment, they tell me something about my path or about me.

And so I look around at the parameters of this move and wonder... what does this mean? What are these signs telling me? What is attracting me to this new place and these new circumstances? What does this adjustment portend?

And now for something completely different...

There is no Space or Time, only Change and the Interval(s) between changes.

Time is a convention we use to keep our experiences in a comprehensible order. We have developed concepts, like Past, Present, and Future, putting our experiences in a linear framework so we can function. But, these are only concepts. Time is an illusion. We are perpetually operating in the pivot point between Past and Future, so truly there is only the Present. We only really exist in the Now, always.

I suspect that Space, as in distance, works similarly. We only percieve a There. In truth, there is only Here. So we are really only functioning in a perpetual Here and Now. This is Einstein's relativity to the max.

For example: When you walk across a room, are you really moving across a distance? How far exactly? What direction? And how long does it really take? Remember that you are walking across a room in a building on the surface of the Earth which is rotating and revolving around the Sun which is rotating and revolving our solar sytem around in a galaxy which is rotating... and so on.

Where is Here and There really? You are where you are and that is always Here and always relative to everywhere else which is always changing, so there really is no There.

I further believe that our concepts of Matter and Energy are illusions. I believe there is only Energy and that Matter is simply a flavor of it, divided out as something different only because we perceive it that way. Perhaps what we think of as Energy is actually the dynamic (changing) behavior of Energy, while Matter is the more static (unchanging) behavior of Energy. Although on a universal level, Change is continuous. Nothing is ever really static.

The way I see it, the universe is not a vaccuum with dots of matter like stars and planets. The universe is full, always. It is full of energy manifesting in infinite variety, some of which we perceive as stars, planets, people, creatures, sound, scent, taste, thoughts, feelings, grains of sand, electrical current, magnetism, a breeze, sunlight, or the 'emptiness' of outer space.

I don't think the energy moves around. I think it simply changes. I think Einstein was right about Action and Reaction. I think this occurs in infinite ways throughout the universe and we only perceive a small part of this activity. We choose to do so while we play around with living these lives and having our experiences.

We are, ultimately, energy. We are segments of one singular energy which is all things, and all no-things, always. We are infinitely diversified portions of one whole which is the energy or life spirit of the entire universe. We are perpetually changing, experiencing, exploring, seeming to be separate but always interacting, seeming to be isolated pieces but comprising the whole. We are One. We are ourselves, but by being so we are also All That Is. We are collectively everything and, by gestalt, more than that.

We are manifestations of THE Energy which some have called God. But we are not subservient to it. We are not hierarchically inferior to it. We are it. It is only individual perception which makes it seem that we're separated out or that we're somehow underlings. Some of us choose to regard ourselves at varying levels in comparision to the All, to God, to the universe. However, nothing can be separated from infinity and the differences we are so quick to judge are merely diversity.

And our point of power, the place and time from which we express ourselves as energy... is Here and Now, always.

Previous change is part of who we are. We cannot re-change those changes. In effect, they no longer exist, for we are in the perpetual Here and Now. But, from where we are, from the Here and Now, we can effect what we perceive as Future.

This power may seem beyond our comprehension but it is well within our grasp. Moment to moment, we are as powerful as God, as the universe, because we participate in the whole of All That Is with every action and reaction. Yes, this may seem like a huge weight of responsibility, but at the same time, it is monumental freedom.

IBM. Officially these letters stand for International Business Machines. They were in the typewriter business before they got into the computer business and then the printer business and now they've dropped the printer biz into its own entity, LexMark. I know all of this because my father started working for them in 1956, I think, maybe 1958. Like many other early employees of Big Blue (nickname for IBM from their blue striped logo), my dad was hired on after a stint in the military. He was sort of a baby blue Marine and became a Big Blue manager, eventually.

It's an interesting coincidence that my father's nickname is Blue. In fact, he goes by it more than his given name. In fact, his IBM employee name tag even said his name was Blue. He got the nickname long before there ever was an IBM. I believe the story goes like this: When he was about 7 years old, he had a red bicycle, but insisted it was blue, not red. Somehow from that, my father was tagged "Blue" and it stuck. Some of his grandchildren even call him Pappaw Blue.

The coincidence gets thicker because my folks are serious fans of the University of Kentucky Wildcats, particulary the basketball team. Basketball is a religion in Kentucky, you know, and the UK Wildcats are known as Big Blue too. So, dad is just blue all over. He's a Big Blue fan, retired from Big Blue, having been a baby blue Marine and being known as Blue for over 60 years now.

But that's not the topic of this blog. *grin*

IBM, as an acronym, has been teasingly said to mean other things. From the geek world it's been Itty Bitty Machines, although most IBM computers were originally Infinitely Big Machines, great massive and mysterious boxes filling warehouse-sized rooms. From an employee's standpoint, IBM often meant I've Been Moved. In the early years as IBM expanded rapidly and opened up many new offices and plants, employees were often 'asked' to relocate, but trust me, there was only one permissible answer if you wanted to remain employed with them. Fortunately my father was not asked.

So finally, I get to the point of this blog... sorta.

I am Being Moved... again.

I was born and raised in Lexington Kentucky - Bluegrass and Thoroughbred country, Home of IBM's Office Products Division at one time, Home of LexMark (named so for fairly obvious reasons), Home of the University of Kentucky and the Big Blue Wildcats of NCAA basketball fame.

I lived there until I was 35 at which time my fairly new spouse had a job change that moved us to Nebraska (which I have not-so-fondly called Neptune, but all of that is for another blog). After a 3 year stint on that foreign soil, we were moved again, this time to the Home of Rush Limbaugh, ie, Cape Girardeau, Missouri.

And now, I am being moved to Northwest Arkansas because spouse has taken a job there. You might be thinking that he's in the military or something. He isn't. He's in the automotive business. He's a general manager. Just because there is a cluster of auto dealerships in every town in every state across this country... doesn't mean there's always a job where you want to be.

So, we are moving. I am being moved. But I have an inkling of what these moves have been about, besides the obvious. I will expound in another blog. In the meantime, I'm eyebrow deep in prepping a house for sale in one state, finding a new one to move into in another state, and trying to keep track of what state my mind is really in. Right now I'm thinking it's a rather harried and confused state, but such is the way of these transitions.

I'm Being Moved.

Time test. I can see that wherever this server is, it's not in my timezone, so... we experiment. Aaaaand we discover that it must be in the Pacfic timezone. Aaaaalrighty then. See you in a couple of hours.

Tweak! Despite the fact that I abhor habit and ritual, that does not mean I'm not anal retentive. I spend it in other ways, like tweaking the minimal specs of this thang to death. I must quit it now and... think up some CONTENT. sheesh

I do nothing consistently. I abhor habit and ritual. So, we'll see if I maintain this or not. I do have a lot passing through my mind. If only my fingers could keep up!