Very nice day today, very relaxing. Spouse took me out on a golf date. I don't play, but I went along for the ride. Golf courses tend to be peaceful and beautiful places, and around here it's a rare patch of lush green. Loved it. Got some sunshine and although it was probably pushing 80°, there was always a breeze and some shade within the cart. Spouse and I also enjoyed dinner on the clubhouse balcony, overlooking the 18th hole which has a fountain. Bonus was the company. I do enjoy just hanging out with spouse. Like I said, very nice day, all around. I won't do it often because it's a 4-5 hour stretch in a golf cart, but now and then, on a gorgeous day like today... oh yeah.

Your fate has been decided...
You are one of the lucky ones! Because of your virtue and beliefs, you have escaped eternal punishment. You are sent to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!

First Level of Hell - Limbo
Charon ushers you across the river Acheron, and you find yourself upon the brink of grief's abysmal valley. You are in Limbo, a place of sorrow without torment. You encounter a seven-walled castle, and within those walls you find rolling fresh meadows illuminated by the light of reason, whereabout many shades dwell. These are the virtuous pagans, the great philosophers and authors, unbaptised children, and others unfit to enter the kingdom of heaven. You share company with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates, and Aristotle. There is no punishment here, and the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad.

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Boa constricture appointment is set for April 5th. Yeah, it's a three week wait. However, that does push it well outside the influence of muddled Mercury. He'll be flying right and that should help things go more smoothly. Hey at this rate I might get a reversal for my birthday... in JUNE. Nevermind it was supposed to be over the first of March. My fault for moving cross-country in the middle of all this, I guess. Wait, that wasn't under my control either. Hmmm...

Grasping at straws, er, stars, er, planets. Mercury retrograde occurring in Pisces-Aquarius-Pisces. In my case, it's crossing back and forth over my 6th House cusp. The 6th House concerns Health, Daily Routine, Fitness, Duty, Service to Others. So, since Merc's renegade run began Feb 14th, that could explain the medical delays, foul-ups, miscommunications, added complications over the last month. Good news is that Mercury will fly right after March 28th. Bad news is that Mercury won't fly right until after the 28th.

The F'd sedative and torture day was March 8th, the redirect day. I tried to pretend that wouldn't affect me. Well, it obviously did. Typical of Mercury's style, the ultimate outcome is usually okay, it's just a helluva lot of trouble getting there. Obstacles, ya know. Mercury tripping over his own winged feet.

The boa constricture thing should be scheduled in the next week or two. I sure hope it's not on Wed, March 28th. Remember, I usually get hit at the beginning, redirect, and last days of a retrograde. But, I sure don't wanna (not that the Universe has paid much attention to MY wishes for a while).

Sleeping. Sinuses kicked up a cough and woke me up. Dark room except for spouse's alarm clock. Red LED numbers glowing out of the blackness. 5:55

Obs-tack-ulls. Gotta hear it as spoken by the old blind oracle on the railroad in O Brother Where Art Thou? Yes, obstacles. Gotta do 'this' but can't do it til ya do 'that' which first requires the other thing... and so on.

Warning: I am about to rant. It's going to make some people worry about my state of mind because you don't often hear this sort of thing from me. Well, I think it, I just don't express it much. I usually fight it with silver linings and sunshine, converting the darkness to light. However, when my batteries are run down, it's much harder for me to make the conversions. So, no matter what you read into this, it doesn't mean I'm about to slash my wrists. Just means I'm venting more than usual.

Warning: TMI follows...
The radiology showing no leaks also showed a stricture, which I am unaffectionately calling a boa constricture. I saw it on the screen, seeing as how the freakin sedation did not work and I was awake for the torture.* (Yeah, I left that out before. Trying not to be negative, but even I have limits.) The surgeon was aware of the stricture but not the extent (length), thus he erroneously said it could be fixed while I was out for the reversal but now it appears the boa constricture will have to be dealt with prior to the reversal, in a whole separate 'incident' and in Alb, no less.

I am SO wanting to wrap up this phase of my life. I never thought of this as a 'from now on' thing. For me, this cancer deal was just a bump in the road. Granted, it's a big damn bump, but still a bump. It's beginning to feel like a major detour and I can't find my way back to the highway. It started out as a big deal, and while the big stuff is done, it's turning into a long drawn out ORdeal.

I am pissed. I am tired. I can only be positive about bad shit for so long before it starts to really wear on me. Thus, I am worn. (<< See that's what I was warning about. Don't call a hotline. Someday I'll get past it.)

Had the cancer removed but got an ileostomy. Gotta takedown the ileostomy but have to do a leak test. Got the leak test done, but there's a stricture. Gonna have the stricture handled but gotta get the reversal done before it starts to close up again. Gotta recover from the takedown before starting chemo, blah blah blah.

BLAH!dammit
There.

[* I stood my ground, insisting on sedation. Procedure was rescheduled to allow for it. We had agreed on 5mg Versed which should have done the job. However, they gave me 1mg and waited. No effect. They gave me a 2nd mg and waited. It was enough to make my words slur, apparently, but I knew it wasn't enough to do the procedure. So, I continued to insist that I could feel everything and they were torturing me, but they thought I was just talking through the drug and wouldn't recall it. I recall EVERYthing. When I got out of there and into Recovery I was PISSED. I didn't need recovery because I was never OUT, and I said as much, nastily, to everyone in earshot. --- This is the particularly perturbing thing. I DID my part. Everyone/everything around me failed... and I was helpless to change it. ]

Dang you people. These things are like viruses for which I apparently have no immunity? :P

You Are a Dreaming Soul      Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world, so much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time. You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult.      You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.      Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.      Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Wrote up "Life in the Desert" to print and snail mail to the fambly back home, but if you're interested you can read it too HERE. It even gots pikachers. Oooooo

Aw, dangit. I had two days without it, but it's back. I'd been catching the time but it was off, like 1:08 or 1:14, 2:23, 3:54, etc. I actually grinned every time and thought 'Hey, it's NOT a triplet!' I thought maybe it was gone. However, 4:44 just got me.

One interpretation just says 444 means my angels/guides/etc are close by. The other says they're saying "No" to whatever I was thinking. Well, I was thinking the numbers had stopped pinging me. Guess that's a big Negatory.

Heh, the time change could be used to excuse it since 4:44 would have been 3:44 but because the time change technically occurred at 2am, well, the 4:44 looks legit, reckon.

It's not like I feel plagued by some demonic power or whatever. I find the numbers interesting. I'm just plagued by curiosity because I still don't feel I've figured out for sure what the hell they mean.

Well, Em, my 'List' is likely to change daily. Depends on my mood(s) and the movies I've watched most recently, and so on. However, I think I'd always go for a little variety; I am a Gemini after all. :) Truly there are several folks I'd love to spend an evening or weekend with but for social or mental intercourse as much as other intimacies. *grin* I actually had well over a dozen names jotted down but narrowed my current list to these fellows. I realize these guys are almost all too young or too old for me, but we're talking fantasy, right? So... not necessarily in pecking order...
Johnny Depp
Jeremy Irons
Matthew McConaghey
Morgan Freeman
Antonio Banderas
Viggo Mortensen
Oded Fehr

Good news, albeit unofficial: no leak! The radiology Dr said the xrays showed no leaks. That won't be official until the surgeon in Alb gets the pictures and sees for himself, but the rad doc seemed very sure about it. SO... barring any unforseen obstacles, we should be scheduling my reversal very soon. I'll give the surgeon til Mon or Tues to receive and read the snapshots, then I'll start pinging him for confirmation and a schedule.

Searching guide on tv for something to watch. Found suitable program scheduled to begin at 6pm. Hmm... How long til then? Looked at clock. 5:55

555 from same interp set says: Buckle your seat belts, because a major life change is upon you. This change should not be viewed as being "positive" or "negative", since all change is but a natural part of life's flow. Perhaps this change is an answer to your prayers, so continue seeing and feeling yourself being at peace.

Riiight. Fasten your seatbelt, but be at peace.
O. K.
I think I've had about all the major life changes I can handle. I'm just trying to get back on track now.

Today was good and bad... or bad then good. After discussions between me and LC radiology staff, between them and Alb surgeon and staff, etc... we sorted out what the complete order for the procedure -should- have specified. I stood my ground. I was insistent. I wasn't going to allow anything until all was clear.

So... this morning turned out to be a clarification visit. I will return early Thursday AM at which time I'm supposed to be treated as I want, and the radiologist is supposed to get the pictures as the surgeon needs them.

Not exactly how I thought my intentions should have manifested, but I guess it could ultimately work out to the same thing. I'm glad they could get me rescheduled so soon. I'm a little concerned about the execution of the above since it will now occur on March 8th, the day Mercury stops and redirects. Hmmm. That's your birthday, Ghost. Care to donate a wish?

---

You are The Magician Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity. Eleoquent and charismatic, both verbally and in writing, you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive. The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil. What Tarot Card are You? Take the Test to Find Out.

Sitting in the living room, being a media junkie by watching tv while web surfing. Was half-watching the telly and waiting for a page to load on the laptop. Happened to glance at the clock. 1:11

I've read on a few websites that the triplets may be related to whatever is on one's mind at the time the triplet occurs. Also, the triplet itself may determine the effect of one's thoughts at that moment. Up til now, I couldn't have said what I'd been thinking when a triplet occurred. My prior thought(s) have been wiped out by one thought: There's another one! WTF is up with the numbers??

But this time (haha time 1:11) I caught myself. Other than idling while waiting, I was thinking about Tuesday's appointment of course. I've been running that frikken program in the background since the surgeon's mention of the procedure on last Tuesday, and even moreso since the appointment was scheduled. I have incessant imaginary conversations with the surgeon and the radiologist rolling around in my fevered mind.

My thought was about insistence. I insist on being treated as I want to be treated for the procedure and I insist that the results of the test are good, positive, conducive to proceeding to the next step, ie, the reversal surgery.

Reportedly, 111 is like the Universe taking a snapshot of one's thoughts (desires) at that moment and manifesting them. I don't know if I really believe it. I wonder who figures out these correlations. However, I'd certainly like that connection to be the case. I'd like for the Universe to stop laughing at the joke played on me and start sorting it back out so I can get over it.

I'm also hoping that the $1.11 at the post office, used to mail the remnants of the AR house to the realtor there, will be manifested as the sale of that albatross. I could get on with paying the mounting heap of medical bills and start doing things to -this- house.

Damn but I seem to keep bitching about the same things over and over. I guess I can't help it, the same things are still vexing me.

The time now is not a triplet, but I'd like to impress another thought upon the Powers That Be --- DO something about this irritation phase that's running rampant. I'm not the only one on edge about crap and I'm not the only one who is tired of being on edge. Let's back off the sandpaper treatment and just let things be smooth for a while, eh? sheesh

Talked to Ghost today. He's still in big bad Baghdad, but preparing to come home soon, probably within a month. He's been able to call me every week or so, and we've been able to pass emails back and forth a bit. His birthday is coming up on the 8th and for a few months we're even, then in June I'll pull ahead one year. Ah, well, nice having a fine fellow chasing me. ;)

Already having to work to keep my brain blender from whipping up a frenzy over Tuesday's appointment. They will just have to find a way to do it without traumatizing me, and of course, the results will just have to be right so we can proceed.

So let it be written, so let it be done. *curt nod*

Productive day, which is always good. Received some work from my web clients and got that done. Emptied a few more boxes and distributed their contents. And then, I napped. A well-balanced day all around. :)

I've been feeling sorry for myself a bit. I know I'm surely due such moments, but I don't like them. I guess I don't like them for the same reason I have them, it's about something not going the way I want it to. This round is about progress or the lack thereof. Same bitch I blogged about earlier, as in frustration over being stalled out with selling the AR house, furnishing the new one, and getting my body back to something like normal. The main reason for this self-pity party though is the body biz.

I have been discombobulated since before the E/R visit in Nov 2005. It's now March 2007 and I'm not finished. In my pity state, I start wondering if it will ever be finished. I wonder how I may function imnmediately after this upcoming surgery and during the following six months or so of chemo. I wonder if I'll ever again not have to worry about a leaking or full pouch, or displacing a chemo connection, or having an 'episode' in the middle of a grocery trip or on the road. Will I get to sleep with my husband again without worrying about apparatus getting squished or a body malfunction? Hell, I wonder how long it will be, if ever, that I'll get to take a long soaking bath or an uncomplicated shower. Will I get to wear fitted clothes without showing gear or 'insurance'? Will I be able to resume the successful eating plan again, the great plan I was so happy with in the summer of 2005 before it got so horridly derailed?

For the first time in my lifelong battle with weight and body image, I was getting somewhere! I felt I'd found a solution to my problem and it was getting me where I'd long wanted to go. And then, for the first time in my life, I got into this continuing medical mess.

I know, I know... I should be grateful that I will survive a bout with cancer, that it's been a fairly easy battle comparatively, that I've never had health difficulties before, that this bypass thing isn't permanent, that I've had so much support and love... and I AM grateful. But, sometimes, like now, when there's a lull in the forward motion, it's like the battle weariness I've pushed aside descends heavily. I want to be free of this thing, done, over it, past it.

There IS a little progress. Surgeon's nurse called to let me know the pre-surgical leak test has been scheduled for next Tuesday, and in town here so I don't have to make a trip to Alb for it. If it goes well (perfectly) then the surgery can be scheduled.

But, for now, it feels like slow heavy steps. And in this mode/mood I am worried that the test won't go well and there will be further delays. Dang, I hate what this wallowing does to everything. It's like the opposite of rose-tinting; everything looks black from here. bleh

Once again, if I'd have been smart, I'd have asked for more patience when I signed up for this curriculum before reincarnating.

Oh well, I know from experience that I will get over it. I will cycle out of the dumps and see the sunshine again. After all, even from here I know the light is always there. Sometimes my vision is too cloudy to see it... but... the clouds do clear.

Stopped at local post office just after I hit the road for the Alb trip. Had to mail garage door openers and a spare door key for the house in AR since I forgot to drop them off with the realtor before I left town. ANYway, I didn't know whether to laugh or scream when the postal clerk told me the cost of the postage. Here's the receipt...



Do ya see wot ahm sayin'?!
various house clocks, thermostat, car trip odometer, car clock, microwave, and now receipt... everyfreakinwhere

In other news: Met the surgeon in Alb. He's fine, nice, seems well-versed and competent. Very much like the guy in AR whom I liked. They really are very similar and, per the one in AR, they are identical in skill. NO date for surgery yet. Gotta have another diagnostic first, which I suspected. They're gonna try to schedule that here in LC so I don't have to drive to Alb for it. Will take a few days to find out when that is. THEN, if and only if the results are perfect, ie, no leaks of any kind, they'll be able to schedule the surgery. *sigh* Patience... I shoulda asked for a goodly dose of patience when I signed up for this lifetime.

PS - Yes, I'm back home. I decided I was good for the drive back. Still a long day. Going down for a nap now. :)

PPS - When I got settled in at home, I checked the front stoop for an expected UPS delivery. There was none, however, there was a PIG in my front yard. To me it looked like a pig, a wild pig, except it seemed to be wearing a collar. I thought, who would put a collar on a pig? He ran off pretty quickly so I only caught a glimpse of his build and coarse grey and black hair... and the apparent collar. It soon occurred to me that it was indeed a wild thing and the collar was maybe a marking in his hair/fur. Sure enough, after a little web search, I found out that from South America up through the American Southwest one may find the "collared peccary". So, I gots wild pig things running around here, eh? They are also called Javelinas (Spanish for javelin) due to sharp tusks. They reportedly may be smelled before seen and one should stay upwind if possible. Intewesteen.

Finally meeting with surgeon in Alb today at 2:30pm. Hoping to have a date (asap in March, please) for the reversal when I walk outta there. Might need to stay over in Alb if the 3-4 hour drive up proves to be enough for one day and/or if any diagnostics are needed and they can be scheduled for Wednesday.

Have also done a little web research on adjuvant chemotherapy. Pleased to be finding support for my regimen preference of continuous infusion (24/7 IV machine in a fanny pack) vs bolus (megadose for hours in clinic followed by days/week of suffering?). There can easily be side effects from continuous infusion too, but I handled the neoadjuvant rounds so well, I really think I'd do much better with that. Gonna have big powwows with the chemo oncologist(s) about options.

I was beginning to doubt the need for any further treatment since the main surgery seems to have 'got it all'. However, I have read enough to believe that futher chemo is prudent in the prevention of recurrence or possible traveling of cancer cells elsewhere in my body (micrometastases). While they checked and there was no evidence of any spread outside the tumor area which was completely removed, sometimes the micros can escape detection. Chemotherapy usually wipes them out. I'm all for that, even if it's just insurance.

Enough clinical talk for now. I'm going back to web and channel surfing :) I'm such a media junkie.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most.
We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?'
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us.
And when we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”
by Maryanne Willaimson
as quoted by Nelson Mandela
in his 1994 inaugural speech

Xanadu, I'd email this to you but since your email is busted.... Sadly, this Mercury retrograde IS likely to hit you harder than most because it's happening in your sign., Aquarius. Pisceans are likely having trouble too. When it happens in June, I get pounded even worse because, as a Gemini, Mercury is my ruling planet. I mean, when your ruling planet goes backwards, you're really screwed. hehe

Hang in there, sistah. Eventually ol Merc straightens up, as you know. Get back in the foxhole and put your helmet on tighter.

For those who want to know:
Mercury started backing up on Feb 14th at 10° Pisces
It will stop to redirect on Mar 8th (Ghost's birthday ;) at 25° Aquarius
Mercury will catch up to its designated path on Mar 28th (naturally at 10° Pisces)

For those who are thinking, "Planets don't back up in their orbits!!"... let us remember that we're referring to the astrological event called a 'retrograde' in which planets -appear- to go backwards through the zodiac wheel in the sky :)

Mercury retrogrades are the most common and often the most perturbing because they affect communication (phones, satellites, verbal discourse, etc), transportation, computers and sometimes even written transport/communications, like contracts.

In my experience, it's the days when Mercury jerks that cause the most trouble. The initial stop for reversal, the stop for redirect to forward motion, and even the jerky resync at the end. Those three days are usually the worst, at least for me.

Mercury retrogrades usually happen about three times a year and we often blame the trouble on sunspots and such. IMO, it's the messenger of the gods getting tongue-tied, and we catch the hell for it. hehe

Walking through the hallway.
Happened to glance at the thermostat.
It displays time as well as temp.
Guess what time it was?
3:33

Yeah.

Answers! Questions I got. I want answers.

Okay Joyous one... I took the bait and... it's a little scary. hehe

DIANA - Dreamy Individual Adeptly Needing Affection
well, actually, yes

ARIANDA - Amorous Ravishing Individual Administering Naughty Delights and Affection
spooky, eh?

GRIFFEN - Goddess Rendering Intense Fantasies and Fantastic, Erotic Necking
erm, close? sometimes? when I'm in the mood?

QUICKSILVER - eh, too many letters... hehe

Recently saw an old Twilight Zone episode about an aladin-type genie lamp. Instead of three wishes, this genie would only grant one. The wisher went through several scenarios --- love, money, power --- while trying to figure out what single wish to make. In the end, in Twilight Zone style, he chose to be the genie.

I started thinking about what single wish I might make. It wouldn't be for love or money or power, but what -would- I wish?

I was also reminded of the Numpty's old IRC tag line "Do you know the wish of your heart?" To be honest, that question always perturbed me because I had no clue. I could not determine the wish of my heart. I mean, I wish the best for all my friends and family. I even have specific wishes for them, things I think they want and I'd love to see their dreams come true. Of course, I want the usual, like peace in the world, love and happy lives for all children, etc. But, a wish for me? My heart's wish? *shrug* No idea. I have a few things on my wish list that would be nice, but none are significant enough to be THE wish of my heart.

That question has nagged at me over time, but after a couple of weeks with it really stirring in the background, ie, being mulled over in my hindbrain... I found my answer. It may be sappy or cliche or too vague and general, but it is indeed the wish of my heart. Actually, just thinking about it makes me misty.

My biggest most important wish?
To be the best Me.

In truth, it has always been there, under the surface and behind most of what I do and who I have been for most of my life. I have sometimes faltered under ego or frustration or outside pressures, but at the base of me I am striving to be my best. Somewhere out before me is an ideal person, a perfect citizen of this world and the universe, someone who loves unconditionally, supports without judgement, gives without thought of return... At the same time, there must be humility and at no time should I act with an eye on some reward. It has to come from within and be its own reward because it makes me a better me.

One thing I have preached but failed to follow myself, is to care for me as much as I care for others. That's one of the traps of even the seemingly most selfless person. But truly, I cannot be Me if I am completely selfless. <--- Profound, eh? There has to be a Me, a strong, empowered, confident, soulful me... else I have nothing to give to others. To quote my own preaching, I "cannot pour from an empty vessel."

It's masochistic to serve without self-service. I must also allow others to serve me as I serve them, when they offer. And sometimes, I have to ask for what I need, when I feel another is capable and willing to give it. Without the willingness to receive as well as give, one can fall into martyrdom and that becomes a sort of left-handed reward, feeding some dark need for the drama? I don't want to be a martyr or a masochist, nor do I want to use others for selfish purposes. I simply want to be fully in the stream of give and receive that passes rightfully between souls.

So, what has been a sort of unconscious wish to be my best, now becomes a conscious ambition. My parents and others have given me a great start. Some of it I do as easily as breathing. But I also have to unlearn the downside, like leaving nothing for me. I need to balance out the flow and become a two-way pipeline, letting my energy flow out but also letting energy from others flow back in and through me... so my vessel is always filled and I have plenty to not only exchange with others, but to be my best self.

PS - For those whom I have plagued with my numeric triplets conundrum, please note the date: 2/22. Interesting, no? Significant? phht Maybe, maybe not. hehe

I can do stuff!

Got the expected help Saturday so all the furniture is in place now. Spent the rest of the day cleaning the china cabinet (lots of mirror and glass) as well all the crystal and china, then loaded up the cabinet. It's beautiful, like jewelry for the great room. SO great to be able to finish a task!

Next up is unpacking boxes of CDs, DVDs and VHS tapes to then be loaded into the living room entertainment center. Can also work on cleaning and loading up a second hutch which I'm actually using as a library unit in the sitting room. Got boxes of books for that one. Needs a shelf though. When we bought it cheap at a furniture auction, part of the reason for the great price was a missing glass shelf. Still, I can at least pile up all the books there and be done with more boxes!

There are also doors and drawers in the hutch for storage of other crap I don't want on display or cluttering closets. Another bonus... and more empty boxes!

All of this relieves a bit of the tension from being stalled out otherwise. YES!

Good News: I'm feeling good. Resting a lot and being careful otherwise so I don't rupture anything. Healing continues and I'm okay with the ileostomy for as long as I have to put up with it.

Bad News: I'm in a holding pattern on two fronts (body, houses) which is the source of my lack of focus or concentration on anything else. Too much keeps churning in my head and I keep cycling back to "Can't yet." or "Don't have enough info yet." or "Money isn't there yet." blah blah whirl spin churn

Waiting for appointment with surgeon to discuss ileostomy reversal. Appt scheduled for Feb 27th at which time I presume we will set the date for the surgery which should be as soon as the surgeon and hospital are available. Was supposed to do it in early March but with the initial surgeon meeting so late in February I don't know how quickly it can happen.

Post-reversal chemo is also a relative unknown. Will begin after I'm recovered and may continue for 6 months. Not pleased with what I was told to expect, ie more traditional megadose every two weeks (thus spread out so I can recover from serious and debilitating effects?). I am anxious to discuss options and maybe get a better idea of what./when/how and push for more humane option like I had before, ie the fanny pack delivering constant small doses 24/7. My body and spirit tolerated that very well. We'll see.

Still waiting for the other house to sell before I can get much needed furniture here and do other much desired decorating. Can't even ponder these things while effectively paying two mortgages (but that doesn't keep me from doing it!). Also been waiting on help to move the current furniture into correct places, but that should happen this weekend. Spouse has contracted some day labor to come on Saturday and help with those moves.

So, I'm kinda revved up mentally but idling in reality. That's tough for me. I freely admit I am woefully short on patience.

Addendum: Forgot to be thankful for the ability to pay for both houses, even if it leaves us without any discretionary funds. I'm glad we -can- do it. Also more thankful than expressed about feeling good and being functional while in limbo :)

Houston, we're back online!
Computers shipped from Ky arrived yesterday and I got my desktop all hooked up today, so me mIRC bot is back and so am I :)

Healthwise, I'm still easily tuckered out, but otherwise good. My surgeon is very pleased with my progress and his work. I am very pleased with his work too. He gave me leave to travel to NM and is forwarding me to his buddy in Alburquerque for stoma reversal in early March. I am naturally looking forward to that. It'll be much more minor surgery and only a few days in hospital to recover. Mom & Dad will be coming in for that too so the spouse won't have to miss work (and income for us!).

I have a houseful of boxes to unpack and some furniture in the wrong places, but I'm handling that all very slowly and carefully. I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk (approx 5lbs) so I'm very limited! That sucks, but I am willing myself to behave. Don't want to upset my progress by being stupid or stubborn. Just doing a few boxes a day and carrying a few items at a time.

I have to constantly remind myself that only a little over a month ago I had major surgery. The surgeon explained it on a 1 to 10 scale. He described a 10 (which was lost on me ;) and said what I had was 8 1/2 to 9. He has stressed AND stressed that what he did was MAJOR and I had to watch it. Okay okay okay... I get it... I just gotta remember it in everything I do!

Um... OH, and the house. It is just as I imagined it, or better. I'd seen the floor plans and made the model and all. I had a very good 3D image in my head. It was still very exciting to drive up to my house and walk inside as the imagined 3D image became reality ;) I am pleased, very very please. Best part of course is that spouse is here too. That makes it home.

Enough for now. Gotta million changes to make, IRL and in my online connections. Dang but hasn't this been a long strange trip. I do not want to repeat 2006. Looking to 2007 for closure and settling in for a new fresh start.

Sorry, another quick note. I swear I will catch up with myself eventually. (heh)

I am in NM, in MY NEW HOME with MY husband. My nurse angel from NWA drove us here in my loaded up car. Took us two days and the gawdawful weather freezing the midwest was on our asses but we did stay ahead of it the whole way. We came through some inclement stuff but nothing hazardous and arrived in LC/NM to sunny skies and 60°. Verra niiice.

Alas, Le Angel's flight was cancelled due to DFW being closed and she can't get back home til Tues. Sooooo.... today I am taking her touristing to the old mexican village section of the area.

Thus, I am out again, but I promise to return.

Oh... and all my computers are in boxes on a UPS truck, shipped from Ky. So... that's gonna have me outta all the loops for a few more days too. (Doing this bit on spouse's moochine)

I WILL see y'all... um... okay, too late for 'soon', but... won't be as long as it has been. *smile*

Lots of details to catch up on, but for now just know that I am doing really well. I'm flying from Ky to AR tomorrow for a Dr appt Thursday AM, then on the road to NM with my local-angel (the LPN in NWA). We're doing a Thelma & Louise road trip (without the trouble and the jump ;) hehehe Good leisurely ride through OK, TX and NM then a left turn at Alburquerque. Should only be 2 days drive, but I promise to make it 3, if I get tired (Mr Bill ;P )

No worries! I'll be in my new home with my spouse FINALLY and eagerly awaiting the reversal of my temp thang THANKFULLY and.... on my way to the second half of my life. Do I know how to have a midlife crisis, or what?? phht

FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST! THANK THE ALMIGHTY, I'M FREE AT LAST!!

woohoo!!
Typing this entry at the computer table in the temp digs! About to have me a snack and then a sit on a real sofa, a real shower, then a nap in a real bed!!

I
AM
PLEASED :)

Love and Blessings to Y'all,
Diana

Sorry for the slow update but I think I've had a pretty good excuse... yeah, laptop keyboard. (hehe) Seriously, I've had enough wits about me and felt good enough to blog before now, but really-really-really miss my desktop keyboard! Oh yeah and still fighting my cultural heritage... mouse vs touchpad.

SO...

Admitted on Wed 6th

Surgery on Thurs 7th, way early, took about 4 hrs (expected) and I don't recall a lot of Thurs. I suspect I'd rather not anyway :) (gotta love anesthiology)

Was in ICU (expected post-surgery) til Saturday afternoon. Mostly floating in and out of a few realities :) and trying to wake up the body processes, like, oh, breathing and such. Never any doubt I'd get there but road wasn't always smoooth.

By Sunday night, main deal was some gastric fluid build-up crowding my lungs. TMI, I'm sure, but I had a whole lotta nasty liquid built up that was gonna come out no matter what. Didn't take me long to decide that head-in-a-pink-bucket was not the way to go. Despite my prior imaginings on the discomfort of an NG tube, when I needed the relief it gives, I really didn't care about what I had to put up with to get it.

Soon, I mean like, within hours, I was feeling good and got gooder and goodest and better and bestest. I just turned a corner and began to improve by leaps and bounds. Plan was to increase diet from clear liquids to regular everyday stuff. I my systemm the newer sleeker model :) handled it okay, then I'd likely go home Saturday the 16th.

And then, dangit, on Friday I began a series of uncontrollable to-the-bone chills by virtue of ugly fever spikees, ie normal to 102+ in minutes, with a bit of effort to knock it back again.

Discharge date shot, of course. Brainstorming ensued for cause of fevers and diagnostics for a bit. My surgeon's best suspiscion is that putting everything to sleep and waking it all back up may have aggravated my gallbladder/stone. He's gonna run that theory and get some opinions from surgical pals while treating me with antibioticsm etc.

IF Rogers can get my system to calm back down, we can postone gallbladder surgery til I get the ileostomy reversed (two birds AND a stone hehehe). I like that plan. Furthermore, it could be done in NM shortly after the first of the year because my surgeon knows and trusts a guy he went to school with who is in Alberqurque.... only hours from my new home and my husband!

So sometime in January, Mom & Dad would bring me back though here, follow up with doc, get my car too, travel two days to NM in good pre-surgical condition.... then get the reversal done, the gall bladder out... and finally.... living in NEW house with MISSED husband.

I'll have chemo treatements for another 6 months but they can be easily done locally.

whew...so... there it is.... waiting for verification of the plan then release to go home to Ky for the holidays and.... onward and upward from there!

Here goes!
Surgery Thurs AM and then on with the healing!
Cancer OUT and then I'm gettin' back to good.

Update in brief:

- packers doing their thing this Wednesday, loading truck Thursday, delivery to NM due on Dec 4th

- checking into hospital on Dec 6th to prep for surgery on morning of Dec 7th; likely in hospital for about a week, then another week before travel to Ky

- will get out news on the success of my surgery asap but don't panic if it takes a while (Bill ;)

- am now moved into temporary quarters, apartment for me until surgery, for Mom & Dad to use while I'm in the hospital, then for me with them until released to travel (probably on Dec 22nd)

- sorry, but no Christmas presents from me this year except for nieces/nephews and parents... just too much going on

- YOU, and you all know who you are, must not send me anything either, 'cept maybe get well cards. If that, then see Skya for appropriate address to parents' house. Don't want to publish it here or on Yahoo group.

- will be in Ky til lesser surgery at end of January, then on to NM... finally

Mom & Dad's renewal wedding ceremony and reception were fan-freakin-tastic! My siblings and their spouses were the groomsmen and bridesmaids. Their children were Jr of same and both the boys and girls ushered in guests. The youngest male grandchild, Spencer, was the ring bearer. The youngest girl grandchild, Royce, was the flower girl. So the bridal party and MVP guests ranged from Royce (3 yrs old) to Grandma (95). It was all perfect... the weather, the crowd of visitors, the food at the reception, etc and so on.

Mom and Dad were SO precious! I'll have pictures to post later, but trust me when I say that Mom had found the perfect white lace dress and Dad was a stunner in his black tux. They exchanged adjusted vows and rings, then read parts of song lyrics to each other ("Remember When" by Alan Jackson).

My sister created a slide show for the reception. It was a joyful tear jerker. She had pictures of our family from the whole 50 years Mom and Dad have shared together. My niece had compiled three CDs of music Mom selected, oldies and goodies for background and dancing at the reception.

Mom was a queen for a day, with her handsome king by her side. It was definitely an event of a lifetime. Everyone who participated and attended knows exactly how terrific these two people are. Their praises were repeated and echoed all day.

I caught a lot of attention since Mom and Dad have apparently been telling on me and my condition. Loads of folks told me I looked great (I think they expected death warmed over? hehe) and that I am in their prayers and good thoughts. I soaked it all in. Can't hurt, will likely help ;)

Now I gotta get rested up from all that excitement and travel so I can manage the movers at the end of the month and the surgery the next week.

Sorry for my extended awayness, both here and on IRC. I've been feeling pretty good except for being tired. I assume this is my body restoring the good cells lost in the chemoradiation therapy. As such, I have been trying to eat properly plus supplementing with vitamins and plenty of water, as well as lots of sleep.

Had an appointment with the surgeon today. The plan is to admit me on Dec 6th for prep then surgery on the morning of Dec 7th. I will not accept any negative connotations from that date :) With the help of anesthesia, I may get to spend 3-4 hours on a peaceful beach in Hawaii though! hehe

Before dawn's early light on this upcoming morn, I will be getting on a plane and heading to Ky for Mom & Dad's 50th Anniversary weekend. Very much looking forward to that! and being Home. I've been away since Labor Day weekend. Too long, despite Mom and Dad's visit in October. I'll be flying back on Monday, the 20th.

Incredible coincidence tomorrow, my middle brother (who is coming in from KC) and I will be on the same connecting flight from Memphis to Lex! I look forward to traveling with him. I don't get to see him often.

One more thing, for which I ask sincere prayers and best thoughts... The surgeon cannot guarantee I can be put back together to function normally, ie, there is still a possibility of a permanent colostomy. I know that with my will I would eventually learn to deal with that, if that were the outcome, but with all of my being I ask for a better result. I know there must be changes, but the possibility of that change seems almost too much for me to contemplate. It's just something I won't know, cannot know for sure, until I wake up from the surgery. Please wish with me that I receive good news.

Great News! Today will be my last radiation treatment. I already got rid of my chemo fanny pack on Wednesday. So, I'm finishing Phase I.

Bad News: I am fried, cooked, burned, blistered... in my most tender parts. I didn't know it was possible to have such seering pain while urinating and still be conscious. Seriously. Despite a whole collection of various creams and regular doses of narcotic pain relievers and functional sedatives, one cannot pee on open blisters without incredible pain.

I'm reminded of the Cold War days when idle debates led to wishes for being at ground zero in the event of a nuclear blast. Absofukinglutely a good idea. Getting vaporized would be much favorable to trying to live with radiation burns. I speak now from experience.

I am ready for healing to begin. I am ready for the break I get in November. I'll deal with the surgery when it gets here. For now, I'm focused on recovering from what has already transpired.

Funny comebacks ;)

Why are you scratching yourself so much?
I'm the only one who knows where it itches.

I didn't ask to be born!
You didn't wanna stay where you were, did you?

I have never been so insulted in my life!
You haven't been out much, have you?

Weekend was rough. The cumulative effect of the radiation has finally made itself known by pretty much burning my tender bits in the irradiated area until I'm raw. Using suggested creams and ointments but they're not managing it. Got a script today though for some Vicodin. Doesn't resolve the root cause of the problem but fixes my brain's pain receptors so I don't care? hehe Actually, even that isn't completely alleviating my discomfort, but it's much more tolerable.

Fortunately, I'm on my next-to-last week! So I'll do what I gotta do to get to the end of this phase. Was prescribed 30 radiation treatments --- only nine left! Only two more batches of chemo and the last one will be shortened to conclude at the same time as the radiation.

New information, at least to me: Vicodin, Lortab and some other 'good drugs' are actually the same thing... hydrocodone with acetaminophen. Hydrocodone is a synthetic opiate (opioid) derived from two naturally occurring opiates, codeine and thebaine (aka paramorphine). Hydrocodone is a Schedule II narcotic and potentially addictive, physically and/or psychologically.

Firstly, I didn't realize that codeine counted as an opiate.

Secondly, I'm being careful with my use of this stuff so 1) I don't have to fight an addiction later, and 2) it will still have full impact after surgery when I will need more serious pain killing.

Thirdly, the only difference between Vicodin and Lortab is 5mg vs 7.5mg hydrocodone. There's another version with 10mg. Not sure why they did that. I mean, I can get the same quantities with 1, 1.5 or 2 of the 5mg.

And finally, I imagine I'm rambling on about this shit because I'm on Vicodin right now! hehe

Four of six weeks of chemoradiation completed! Amazing how fast this seems to be going. I've picked up a side effect, extremely tender skin in the radiated area, but I was forewarned and I'm taking the suggested measures to mitigate that.

This is going so well so far that I'm tempted to ask the chemo oncologist if I'm in some kind of secret control group and only getting a placebo. I mean, I've had no noticeable effects yet which I would attribute to the chemo. The only thing I've seen is a bit of change in my blood levels, but I don't -feel- those. *knock on wood* Hope I get to the finish with so little effect and that the post-surgery chemo goes as well.

I really think attitude is a primary factor in coming through this thing. I still feel very positive about the treatments because I'm -doing- something to get cured. I feel good about the whole game plan, not only for my body but for the household moves, etc.

I just feel good, despite all the associated discomforts that are still there and are developing. I'm not saying I'm up to full energy like a completely well person, but damn I feel great for someone with cancer and getting chemoradiation. My attitude has got to help. In any case, it's easier to live through it all with an upbeat attitude than if I moped around all day dreading what may be next.

I thank my parents for giving me the skills to accentuate the positive. It's about the most valuable coping mechanism I have for all of life, and especially through a period like the current one. It works ;) I highly recommend it.

Half done! 3 weeks down, only 3 to go on the chemoradiation regimen! Then I get a break for most of November to prepare for surgery the first week of December. So far, so good. Minimal side effects, none of it as bad as I've had it for the 9 mos prior... and... this is the road to wellness.

I'm MIA online this weekend because Mom and Dad are in for a visit!! They're checking up on me as well as here to help me get the house shined up for an Open House on Sunday. Great to have them here of course and good for them to see I'm not wilting away. ;)

Completing my 2nd week of rads and on my 2nd round of chemo. That's two down and only four to go ;) So far, so good. As yet I'm experiencing no more discomforts than I had before we started the cure. TMI: I'm able to go better, ie, no longer requiring chemicals etc for the most part. So, there's some evidence of progress. Every little bit helps.

I have a growing collection of cards, letters, email and messages from well-wishers. Also very helpful. More than nice to have a posse of positive support ;)

YAY! Two whole days... Don't have to be anywhere. Don't have to do anything. Don't have pending appointments that might hold more ugly surprises. Next week should be relatively calm. Mon-Fri rads, Wed chemo pump refresh, and one dr appointment but that should just be a checkup on the port wound. Tuesday a rep from NorthAmerican/Allied is coming to estimate the household pack and move.

If you're interested in the whole game plan, I've color-coded a CALENDAR for this awfully big adventure, marking my many circles of activity. It's really for my reference, but if you're curious, you're welcome to check it out.

And now we have added a fanny pack with a chemo pump in it. A very narrow tube runs up to the port on my chest/shoulder so the 5-FU can be applied 24/7. Thus, I'm set and Phase I is in full swing, six weeks of radiation and chemo. wheeeee

I think I'll be the Bride of Frankenstein for Halloween. My white roots are showing. I have blue-green skin in places where the bloodwork vamps bruised me. And, I have fresh stitches on my shoulder (from the port implant). *GRIN* I'm all ready! muahahahaha!

We're on our way! First rads today. Didn't feel a thing, just like they said, and it'll be a few weeks before it accumulates enough to cause even the reportedly mild side effects. Very glad to be on the road to wellness though. I'm sure that, like a bruise, it will get worse before it gets better, but ultimately I should be healed.

You know, I've felt rather blindsided by this deal, but then I realized....
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
hehehe

The current game plan, for any who may be too curious for their own good. :)

Phase I: Six weeks of chemoradiation therapy, ie daily radiation treatments Monday thru Friday plus continuous infusion of chemo (5-FU) with pack recharge on Wednesdays. Purpose: Containment and shrinkage.

Phase II: Four to six weeks rest period.
Purpose: Allowing good tissue to recover from chemoradiation, ie heal somewhat prior to surgery.

(During this time I'll be going home for a long weekend to celebrate Mom & Dad's 50th Anniversary by participating in their renewal wedding ceremony and reception (on Nov 18th). Tentatively planning to then return here and have the contents of this house packed and moved to NM the week after Thanksgiving.)

Phase III: Surgery, likely to occur the first week of December. Temporary ileostomy performed during surgery. Concurrent follow-up chemo.
Purpose: Removal of threat, resection, temporary stoma to allow thorough healing, and chemo to backup surgical remedy.

(Mom & Dad will come here for the surgery. Planning to go back home to Ky with them and have them keep me over Christmas and as long as possible until I have to be back for follow-ups, etc.)

Phase IV: Reversal of ileostomy likely to occur near the end of January.
Purpose: Hopefully, resumption of normal life. Hopefully able to finally join my spouse in NM.

And again for the more morbidly curious or cancer conscious, my most current diagnosis is T3 N0 M0 with a possible T3 N1 M0. Not 100% sure about the Node involvement, so they're covering my bases and treating me as if it's N1, just in case.

Here's a good page to explain the Staging (T3 N1 M0)
http://www.nccn.org/patients/patient_gls/_english/_colon/3_stages.asp

Dang, I have homework this weekend. Got whole notebooks from NARTI (radiation therapy place) and the oncologist (incl chemo treatments). A lot of the info is just image builder stuff, ala welcome and staff and whatever. But there's also some practices and procedural info I should probably read.

My last task this week was having the chemo port installed, ie, the implanted jack for my fanny pack device that will deliver the chemicals through continuous infusion. Too bad I can't use it as a computer interface too *weg* Ah, well. Someday. hehe

The port is in about the same place as an STNG personal communication device. "Beam me to the 24th Century! Where cancer is a footnote in history or cured with a hypospray!"

As one might expect, the focus of my life has shifted. Though in true Gemini style, I have two: treating my ailment and moving/swapping houses.

My new mantra is: I have cancer, it doesn't have me. (And definitely will not -get- me.)

I am just concluding one of the hardest two weeks in my life, but it wasn't all that terrible. There were moments, but the rest was mostly gleaning new information and juggling logistics. I'm good at both. I've also had a great helper right by my side, as mentioned. And, I have great auxilliary support from friends and family. The medical professionals I've seen so far have also been really good for me and with me.

I imagine that this sort of adjustment must be like any other big adjustment. I mean, when you have a child, everything changes. When you make a big career move or add a spouse or whatever, everything changes.

This is a change, a big change, but I'm usually pretty flexible and I certainly have strong incentive, so I'll adjust, am adjusting.

Good news is, it doesn't last forever. There are peaks and valleys in the activities and ultimately it should become a backdrop to my life. I think I can handle that. And of course, I am not handling it completely alone ;)

Thus, onward.

More after meetings with other docs, but news from Radiology sounds pretty good. Clinical Stage is T3 N0 M0. T3 basically means it's a pretty big area and into layers but not outside into other tissues. Good thing. N0 means it doesn't appear to have gotten into lymph nodes. M0 means it's not metastisized, ie, not spread to other organs.

Treatment is going to be radiation plus chemo. Radiation will be M-F for six weeks. Not sure about chemo specifics as yet but will be concurrent. Point of all that is to shrink and mostly eliminate tumor and cancer cells. Today's doc said radiation and chemo should get about 90-95% of it.

Then, three to six weeks after last radiation, giving time for healing, I'll go in for surgery. Almost redundant at that point but should pretty much guarantee we got it all.

Rad doc said my prognosis is really good. He said I should be able to look back in five years and say, "Yeah, I had cancer once."

Looks like I'll begin radiation on Monday. I told them I want to get this show on the road.

Incidentally, my new local buddy and I got along famously, like old friends. She's only a few years younger than I am. We enjoy each others' company. She decided to go with me for tomorrow's appointments too! Terrific deal. Wonderful good samaritan!

Nicely rainy day today. Maybe that sounds strange, but I enjoy a good long steady rain now and then. The sound of infinite raindrops on all the leaves in the forest surrounding me is just marvelously soothing. I can almost feel the refreshment of such a drink Nature is getting. There's the occassional punctuation of rolling thunder in the distance and a heavier burst to the shower, but that too feels good. I like the raw power of a good thunderstorm. It energizes the air and somehow energizes me too. Bring it on! And in the meantime, soak me in the soft sound of a cool steady rain. *happy little sigh*

Angels. I have those three meetings coming up next week. My GI's LPN is who delivered the news of my condition. She had already arranged for the three meetings. While on the phone, she asked if my husband might accompany me to the meetings. I explained that he's in NM at his new job. My folks are of course in KY, though they came in to be with me for the colonoscopy. I explained that I don't know another soul in NW AR.

So, the LPN asked me to allow her to escort me at least to the first meeting. She's off on Tuesday and said she would be honored to pick me up and go with me, serving as a second set of ears, etc.

I am thrilled and amazed. I could make the meetings myself, but to have another person, a relative stranger, offer themselves for this duty... it thrills my soul. She is an angel, sent to help me in my hour of need?

Not only was she infinitely compassionate with me over the phone, but she's going to spend her day off holding my hand for a surely tedious and likely stressful appointment?

This angel's name is Laschell. I hope she gains many brownie/karmic points for this. She most certainly deserves them.

I am grateful.

Well, they say "Into each life a little rain must fall." Appears my umbrella isn't working. Guess I'll be making good use of my silver lining detectors.

"When the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger:
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood..."
~ Henry V by William Shakespeare

...unto the breach...
Appointments next week with a radiologist, a surgeon, and an oncologist.

Had the colonoscopy. It really was a breeze since I was totally out of it, don't recall anything other than wanting to keep on sleeping in recovery. Felt all warm and quite pleasantly fuzzy, so I was a little perturbed that the nurse kept waking me up by asking if I was awake. hehe

The doc added some more stuff to my day: blood work, cat scan and chest xray. He'd taken some biopsies during the colonoscopy. Yes, that means he found something. I would have been rather disappointed if he hadn't. Good to know there IS some explanation for what I've been struggling with these last nine months. Yes, there is always the possibility of cancer but there is also a greater possibility that it's all very benign and just needs to be handled. Even if it's cancer, it's the sort that can be treated and in fact vanquished.

Once all the labwork and pathologies come back and the doc has a chance to review them (probably next week), then we'll know more about what's what and how to proceed.

I've already been told that I do not have diabetes, no infections are indicated, my potassium level is good, I'm a little anemic but not enough to cause any concern, and my chest xray was good.

In the meantime, I'm okay with whatever else may or may not be. I am not going to borrow trouble or burn bridges til I get to them ;) Until I have a definitive diagnosis and game plan options, I'm assuming the best.

All y'all who love me simply must take the same attitude. It's an order ;)

Insulation, drywall, garage door, exterior sheeting... More progress!


Master Bedroom door and windows out to backyard overlooking the pecan grove.


Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch... I think that's from an Abbott & Costello sketch, maybe Three Stooges?

Monday: clear liquids and abusive chemicals
Tuesday: colonoscopy

Not a fun week, but looking forward to having a fully functional body again.

This week has been very hectic for me. Seems that my ailment takes up so much of my thoughts, time and energy that if anything gets added, I'm swamped? I've had house things to do, doctor appointments, and now I gotta get packed so I can hop on (IN! :) a plane in a few hours. Going to hang with the fambly over a long Labor Day weekend. It's time for Grandma's reunion. eep, Gotta leave the house in showable condition too.

So very sorry for online absence. The sleep is great, but I do wish the timing was better. Apologies especially to my favorite lunatic ;)

Hey, Shroom, you watchit, woman. The world can't stand for both of us to be discombobulated! ;)

I'm flying back Tuesday evening. See ya on the flip side.

Progress! We have a roof and exterior walls and windows and the rooms are studded out. From slab to shell in two and a half weeks. Pretty cool.

Another EAS incident to report. Got a normal test today at 1pm, verifying how it usually goes. Midweek, midday, the channel changes to 2, EAS appears on the box. When the test is over, previous channel returns.

But, on Monday evening the flipping thing occurred again. It's only the second time I've seen it. This time the box was flashing... EAS... 9:16... EAS... 9:16... EAS... 9:16...

A system glitch the cable company has recently developed? Or a date to go with the 3:33 attention-getter I saw before?

*shrug*

Status: Waiting for build. Waiting for sale. Waiting for gastroenterologist appointment. Cymbalta is working to reduce the pain to nearly nothing and knocking the edge off the aggravation. I guess I'm basically idling as time passes.

It could easily be a year before I get sorted out. This is all a lesson in patience? Got the call from the gastroenterologist today. Earliest available appointment just for consultation is August 29th. I guess if anyone suspected I was in danger, they'd be in a bigger hurry, right? So, I carry on as is for now.

Health Brief: Started the process. Saw the GP who is referring me to a gastroenterologist. Then I guess we start all the diagnostics (aka torture?). If it gets me fixed up, I guess it will be worth it.

ow Ow OW! This pains me. It slays me. It's butchery and I know it's a common mistake but I can't help being injured by it. I learned proper English and I can't stand it when someone hacks it!

I caught a major error on the Discovery Channel. Granted, the crime was not committed by one of the presenters, but still, can they not edit??

"Renee and I's job is..."
MY GAWD!! Renee and I's???
Oh, I cannot tell you how torturous this is to me. It cuts me to the quick. It is SO bad, I feel physically injured.

"Renee's and my job is..." dear ones. That would be the correct assemblage!

It's SO easy. SO freaking easy to test the use of such things. Just take out the 'and' along with the other name!!!

Subtract "Renee and" until you are left with "I's job..."
Is this not obviously a fuck up?
Isn't "My job..." the more common sense, better sounding option?
I mean, if you must combine "My job is..." with "Renee's job is..."
Doesn't it make more sense and just sound better to say "Renee's and my job is..."??!?!?!
Ugh! Shoot me now. I cannot tolerate such vulgar abuse of the English language as "Renee and I's job is..." I simply canNOT.

"Johnny and me went to the store..."
NO. "Johnny and I went to the store..."!!
Remove "Johnny and" then it will be painfully obvious whether one should use "I" or "me", don't you see?
"Me went to the store" is obviously wrong, yes? (Please say Yes!)
"I went to the store" is correct, thus "Johnny and I went to the store" is correct.
How easy can it be?? How woefully ignored is this simple test?

"Her and I..."
*vomit* NO NO NO
"SHE and I..."
"SHE and I..."
"SHE and I..."
She did. I did. She and I did.
It is desperately easy to determine what should be used!

Oh, save me from vile acts upon the structure of English. I will grant that it is a difficult language, but are we not schooled in it for years? Did the majority sleep through those endless lessons in grammar and sentence construction?

Help! Please, someone, reassure me that there are a few English-speaking people who were awake at some point during their education!

*ahem*
<rant mode off>

Dammit. Okay, remember the 1:11, 2:22, etc? I'm still getting them. Still can't figure out what the hell they're supposed to mean, if anything. I finally started to find them mildly humorous and I generally just shake my head when they show up. However....

Firstly, what used to be called the Emergency Broadcast System is now apparently called the Emergency Alert System or EAS. Cox is my cable and internet company. When they test the EAS, they take command of the decoder box, flip to channel 2 where presumably there would be announcements in a real emergency, and the box display sits on EAS until the test is complete. They usually test around noon on Wednesdays. During the test period, you cannot change the channel, it stays on 2.

Tonight, I'd been watching one of my all-time favorite movies, 2001: A Space Odyssey. TCM then started 2010. Bonus! I had just been thinking at the end of 2001 that it would be nice to see the sequel again as well. I settled in to watch.

Suddenly, the movie was disrupted. I thought for a minute it was a commercial break but it was a terrible place to stop the scene, right in the middle of a character's sentence. But, it wasn't a commercial. The channel flipped to channel 2 (which happened to be Becker). Then the TV screen started flipping back and forth between the TCM channel and channel 2, several times.

I looked at the cable decoder box display.

It was flashing too. Oscillating back and forth between...

EAS and 3:33

What the fuck does that mean? Sure as hell looks like a big arrow. Certainly caught my attention in a dramatic way.

After the thing stopped flashing, and operation of the cable box returned to normal, I checked around...
There is no severe weather in the area. In fact, the doppler radar is completely clear.
I don't see any other emergency conditions in the area, in the US, or in the world that would prompt such a thing.
There were no announcements on channel 2. Becker played on.

It would be extremely strange for Cox to test the EAS at such an odd time and on a Sunday night / Monday morning.

So.... What is it? Once again, I scowl at the universe and demand information, clarification, a freakin clue... If they wanted my attention, they have it. I am listening! What??

That's all I could think while watching my TV screen flip channels and the cable box flash... EAS... 3:33... EAS... 3:33... EAS... 3:33... EAS... 3:33...

Can't be a date. There is no 33rd day in March. It was 3:33am on a Monday morning.

What IS it? What does it mean? And what am I supposed to do about it?

Home Sweet Home, so far...

Face-on view. Garage, utility room, kitchen and dining room on the left. Office, guest room, bathroom, sitting room and master bedroom suite on the right. Front door through to living room in the middle. Looking through the house toward our backyard view which is the pecan grove behind us and a whole lotta sky.

I must say, for the record, I love my parents SO much, I can barely contain it. Nevermind what prompted this expression, I just had to express it. They are marvelous beyond words.

I have an insurance card in my hot little hand!! HALLE-FREAKIN-LUJAH!! Good as of Aug 1. My preferred local provider IS on PPO list! I'm gonna call to see if they can get me in even sooner than Aug 17. But in any case, help IS on the near horizon! And I am GRATEFUL.

Your pirate name is:
Mad Jenny Rackham
Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Reminds me of a joke cheer:
Rickem Rackem Rockem Ruckem
Get that ball and really... fight!

I don't know if it's getting worse or just feels that way as I approach possible help. Maybe it's the cumulative effect? I can put up with just about anything for a short period of time, especially if there's a scheduled end to it, a target date after which I shall be released. But this thing has been with me for so long I am definitely worn down. I was already frustrated when I finally hit critical mass and went to the E/R on Nov 17th. Now, at the end of July, I can feel the whole weight of eight months of struggling.

Once again, I'm supposed to have insurance available in August. I've already made a doctor appointment for Aug 17th. Hoping I'll have cards or at least relative membership numbers and such by then. Hoping I really can get service here with the insurance, even though spouse and employer, ie source of insurance, are in NM.

Hoping something can be found and fixed quickly (and with minimal torture).

In the meantime, I'm pretty miserable, as I have been for long months, but slowly progressing into 'moreso'. I'm tired. I'm trying all my tricks for relief and they are less and less effective. One can only spend so may hours in the bathtub, on a heating pad, taking OTC pain relievers, and of late, drinking. Tired, very tired. Counting the days.

Update on Ghost in the fray: He's doing well, still enjoying the adventure, but then he can find a way to enjoy wherever he is and whatever he must do. It's part of his magic. Fortunately he's away from Baghdad and Fallujah, the really hot spots. I get calls and emails from him every week or two. It's interesting to get to talk to him so much. I had feared that there would be very little communication. Thankfully things have changed a lot. Technology affords a lot more interaction, even from a war zone.

Ghost asked me to surf for info about a symbol that's all over the place there -- an 8-pointed star. He wasn't sure if it was a religious symbol or what. It's included in wrought iron gate designs, in brick patterns along wall headers, in the shape of fountains, etc. Absolutely everywhere.

After a bit of investigation, I discovered it's a symbol for Saddam Hussein...
"By decree, one of every ten bricks laid in the renovation of an ancient palace is now stamped either with the name Saddam Hussein or with an eight-pointed star (a point for each letter of his name spelled in Arabic)." -
'Tales of the Tyrant', The Atlantic online

What an ego, eh? No wonder Iraq is having trouble becoming its own entity. Not only are there religious and cultural factions jockeying for position, but they've been oppressed and saturated with the presence of tyranny so long they probably can't even dream beyond it.

And while I'm in the region and on a quasi-political rant... Israel deserves to do whatever it must do to secure its home. As one writer recently put it, all their neighbors seem bent on ridding the planet of them or at least making them move.... but to where? They've nowhere else to go. It's stand and fight, or be eliminated. How can we not support their efforts to survive?

Whether any other country chooses to aid Israel or not, I sure hope they do not try to tie their hands and force them to submit to further persecution. At some point, their neighbors must understand that enough is enough, let live... or die.

I'm long past tired of the bumpy ride. I want some smooth easy sailing.

Spoon vs Shovel. It's been a marketing thing and a manufacturing thing. Since nearly the beginning of our industrialization, the makers of products drove the market like sheep. "We made this here handy Model A. It comes in black, black, or black. You need it. Buy now." The products expanded but until recently our options were still dictated to us by the production lines. We had three TV networks because three companies decided to go into broadcasting. We had short skirts when the manufacturers chose to make them, and long skirts when they decided they wanted to sell us something different. They all pretended they were trying to follow the trends, but were in fact setting them. The point of their manipulation was to keep changing the big picture so we'd have to refocus and buy... more, different, better.

This... is changing. We're no longer content to let corporations feed us with a shovel. Just because they make it, does not mean we need it. Just because they made a new model, doesn't mean we can't stick with the one we have, thankyouverymuch. We're moving from macro to micro. Just look at the proliferation of micro-breweries, not only for beer, but for bottled water and soft drinks too. Producers don't have to find the drink the world needs, just a drink with a market niche that's sufficient to keep them in business.

Indie films are another example. Blockbusters still come along now and then, but not necessarily from the big studios. They can no longer accurately guess what we want, not that they ever really did. We just chose from the limited offerings. Now, we can go to the multi-plex and pick from among umpteen films to satisfy our more individual entertainment desires. We have 150 or so channels to chose from on cable or satellite, including movies, so we don't even have to leave home.

It's quite an interesting twist really. Seems that we started the whole industrial revolution because necessity was the mother of invention. Then for a while, invention was the mother of necessity. (We make it. You gotta have it.) Now we, as individuals, are beginning to say... "You know, I think I'd like to have...." and searching for someone who makes it or does it. Even better, many creative folks are starting to say... "You know, I'd like to make or do..." and as soon as they begin, a market may appear. If we don't like what the brick and mortar stores are selling or can't find what we're looking for, we can surely find a supplier online.

And that's what it comes down to, I think, communication. We had narrow channels of communication, often bound by limited geographic reach. The reach expanded with radio, then TV, then broadened with cable and satellite. All of that helped connect the world, but when the internet was born, it helped connect individuals across the globe.

We started at the bottom, grassroots ideas growing into big manufacturing and top-heavy bureacracies. Now the upper echelons, too far removed from the fray and trying to chase (or dictate) the will of the masses, may be disintegrating. The masses are becoming more like the individuals they truly are. They're exerting their preferences and distributing their power and influence. We're getting back to grassroots. We're making and demanding change from the bottom up and we're no longer willing to support the superstructures. Now that we can deal more directly with each other, we don't need them and don't appreciate how they have tried to rule us.

We become the superstructure. We are the net. We can build, make, do, be... as individuals... within the larger framework that is Us.

I'm not saying it's all going to be an easy transition. Restructuring rarely is. But, I think it's progress and I'm glad we're growing up.

An Inconvenient Scare Tactic. Eco-nazis annoy me. In fact, I wrote a rant which I may post later. For now, I like this quote I found:

"Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical, two cyborgs blaming the humans." ~ Jay Leno

It is rumored that I am on the verge of obtaining medical insurance again through Spouse's employer, finally. It is also rumored that I will indeed be able to schedule medical assistance here in NW AR. I sure hope these rumors are true. I've been struggling for nearly eight months now and I really just can't take much more. I'd also like to get all this sorted out and repaired before I have to do the move.

Positive thoughts welcome. I need to get fixed up. The longer it goes, the more worn out I get. I can put up with just about anything for a little while. It's been a long while, a very long while.

Locus of Control Test Results Internal Locus (58%) External Locus (42%) Take Free Locus of Control Test personality tests by similarminds.com

"Your results suggest you tend to believe that internal factors (ala decisions, internal drive) will define you more than external factors like genetics, fate, luck, and environment. ... Thus, you have an Internal Locus of Control."

Back in Arkiesaw. Stayed in Kentucky longer than I had planned but I had no reason to hurry home. Once again, must say that I love love love to spend time with my family. My parents are such good company. We're more like old friends than parents and child now. Thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with Mom and my sister while planning and shopping for the wedding. My niece (the sister's daughter) was with us for part of that too. She and I are quite taken with each other ;) Mutual admiration and appreciation.

Had two Sundays which meant two gatherings at the folks' house with most of the siblings and their kids. ALWAYS a good time. Always.

I stayed so long partly because I didn't want to miss going with some of my family to see Pirates 2. We managed to get in on opening day. It was about as good as the first one, I think. One of the links I have with the niece above is that we are both very smitten with Johnny Depp. He was all of his former Captain Jack self and more. Boy, they have a lot of loose ends to tie up in Pirates 3.

Also saw Superman Returns, which was disappointing, imo. Too much recapping on the front end. Wrap-up was rather abrupt and morally pretty sad for a char that's supposed to be such a goody two shoes. On the good side, the actor playing Superman was okay and suitably similar to Christopher Reeves. Kevin Spacey was also a good Lex Luthor.

Saw Cars too, which was very clever, funny, and had a good story. The most fun was figuring out who did all the voices. Quite a star-studded vocal cast. I can imagine that the animators had great fun playing with the car concept. It comes across very well in the film.

House update: Spouse went last Thursday and Sunday to check the lot. Starting to see progress. The builders have laid the footprint, so I can tell they've oriented it just the way I wanted. We'll have a great view of a big pecan grove out back. They're laying all the water lines in preparation for pouring the foundation. We're actually getting somewhere ;)

Okay, enough for now. I'm still recovering from the drive, catching up on email etc, doing laundry, and so on. Thus, I sally forth....

On the road again. Gonna be Home for a week. Always good. Leaving the house in 'show' condition. Maybe we'll get an offer while I'm gone. Maybe the builders will make some progress in the desert. Playing loose with the schedule. I love being there but some of my current difficulties make that inconvenient/uncomfortable for me. So, depends on how the bod behaves.

Besides the 4th and all the fambly gathering that entails, my sister and I will get to help Mom with the planning of her wedding ;) She and Dad will be celebrating their 50th Anniversary this year (Nov 23rd) and they're going to have a wedding ceremony. It promises to be a big party, big family fun. We've started on things already, partly because you have to do a lot in advance and partly because we get to stretch out the thrill of the journey.

And speaking of journey... I need to finish packing and spiffing up the house. Later!

Going Home for 4th of July.
I need a new ass.
I want the sell/build/move over with.

LOL Blog Warz! FYI, the person who threw me over the cliff's edge into the abyss about those words I hate... has no blog. Or if they have, I don't know about it. I don't like those half-words. Ain't gonna like those half-words. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and since you're reading my blog, you get mine. *grin*

High on my list of pet peeves are these two 'words': hubby, puter. GAH! Both actually piss me off. I HATE them. I want to bind and gag people when they use them.

Husband, spouse, spousal unit, mate, whatever, but only trailer trash would use 'hubby' imo. Too much like bubba or sissy (vs brother or sister) or other stupid words used by lazy uneducated people?

Similarly, it's called a COMputer or PC or machine or system, etc. It computes. It does not pute. If something in your house putes, I recommend you take it to a doctor or set it outside. Sounds like maybe it smells.

Obtuse: geometrically, an angle exceeding 90° but less than 180°. Of course there's the linguistic meaning, ala 'difficult to comprehend, unclear...'.

You know I'm into patterns and the hoodoo boogity patterns have generally concerned angles and that's what I've been looking at to find a Why for being shuffled to NM. I thought I ran it every way possible, but found nada.

Well... I'm not 100% sure this is it, but it makes more sense than anything else I've seen so far. In fact, it's about the only thing I've seen that falls in with the other patterns I discovered at previous locations.

There are two factors, geometry and geology. I don't think it's coincidental that these two are interwined linguistically and logically.

So, I was checking Google News. I do that now and then. One of the keywords I lookup is 'earthquake'. It's one of the things you could say I've been tuned into.

Anyway, top returns were articles reporting the impending release of accumulated stress on the San Andreas fault in Southern California. Yeah, it's a cyclical thing the media does, comes around and goes around fairly often. BUT, it prompted me to look at an angle I hadn't reviewed before.

I checked LA. Not a hit. I checked San Diego. I'll be 90°, ie due east. Interesting. As the crow flies, it'll be 606 miles. Hmmm... that's about 55 x 11 or 60 x 10. (55 to 60, and multiples thereof, have been a marker in the past.) Interesting. Possible link, but needed another point to confirm.

I know that one of my major connections is in Iraq. Probably no help there. The other of course is the Shroom. Well, I already knew she was aligned with San Diego on a 330° angle. I'd forgotten the mileage, but looked it up again... 605.

By golly, isn't that an interesting coincidence? I'm not entirely pleased with the angles. We've worked from due north and due south together and that was quite strong. We've worked on a straight line together. However, 330° and 90°, equidistant from a center point of San Diego, one of our focal points on a previous 'mission'... It has distinct possibilities. Two points on the same circle, quite a large circle, with San Diego at the center. I'll be at 3 o'clock. Da Shroom at 11 o'clock.

Could get exciting. But of course, if this is the Why and we do it right, nothing much will happen, or what happens will be less than what -could- happen. *shrug*

We'll see. I'm gonna cook this for a while and see if it's still stew.

Damndest coincidence? or Synchronicity? or What?

This has happened to me before. I'll think of a movie I haven't seen in a long while and it will show up on one of the movie channels. Sometimes I've wondered if I've 'drawn' it. OR, have I just heard an ad for it while sleeping with the TV on and the reverse happened, ie, it was put in my head and it only seemed to have crossed my mind out of nowhere? Well, this time cannot be due to that, I think.

Yesterday I watched one of those silly E! shows about the top sexiest bad boys. Johnny Depp was of course on the list. He's one of my personal favorites, not only for his sex appeal and interesting body of work, but because we share a birthday. Later last night, I decided to look him up on IMDB, just for fun. I usually just read the main stuff, but this time I read pretty much all that was there about him.

Buried in the lenghty verbiage was a quote from Depp recounting one of his favorite experiences. He was shooting Edward Scissorhands with Vincent Price and had a chat with him. He'd brought along a book of Edgar Allan Poe. Depp said that Price recited a passage from "Tomb of Ligeia" from memory.

Now, I am a big fan of Poe and of Price and of Price doing Poe. However, I didn't recall "Tomb of Ligeia." I sort of vowed to look it up.

Turns out I didn't have to. Early this morning it actually showed up on the Mystery channel on cable! I -happened- to be channel flipping and -happened- to catch the title on the guide. Yeah, "Tomb of Ligeia" was playing, starring Vincent Price.

Of course I watched it. I never miss a chance to watch Vincent Price, especially when he's doing Poe.

It's just the damndest thing, I tell you. Certainly makes me wonder. I swear I don't ever remember anything about "Tomb of Ligeia" previously. And, even if I'd somehow picked up a preview for it while sleeping, I for damned sure wouldn't have gotten there by way of Johnny Depp triggering it consciously.

Maybe I'm crazy, but it looks for all the world like I wanted Poe's tale and it was delivered. *shrug*

Length of Days
As the Midsummer Solstice approaches, the lengthening of days is noticeable. It's nearly 8pm here now and still there's sunshine in the sky. Of course, a day is 24 hrs no matter how much or how little sunshine graces it, but somehow it's comforting to have the light last a little longer.

I'm enjoying the forest that surrounds the house. I know I will miss it in future, so I'm trying to burn this mystical vision into my brain. Perhaps after the move I'll find desert vistas that delight me as much as the emerald kingdom in which I live now, but I know I will want to remember the cool green light and shadows, the soft sounds of breezes or raindrops through the leaves, the gentle chorus of birds and frogs, the occasional bounding of white tailed deer... I'll want to be able to recall all of this when the days in the desert seem too hot and too dry for habitation.

I still want to know... Why?

Irony: I feel like crap, but can't. wheeeee

Money is flowing again with Spouse's employment, but somehow that seems to cause moneysuckers to appear outta the woodwork. Just in the last couple of weeks, got notice of BIG increases in current house payment due to property tax catch-up (because AR does it bass-ackwards), escrow catch-up due to same, mortgage interest rate increase, and income tax increase for 2004 tax year due, incl penalties and interest, not our fault (very late 1099) but we owe it all the same. The house payment is going up almost 40%. We are not happy, but powerless to change it. Good thing we're trying to sell.

And then yesterday while I was out and about, my car's check engine indicator came on. It's in the shop now and awaiting a part to fix a seal something on a fuel whatchamacallit and that's gonna cost a couple hundred bucks. Thankfully I'm in a loaner so I'm not stranded. Supposed to get my car back by Friday.

I'm supposed to be grateful that we can pay this stuff. I am, but of course I'd rather be allowed to keep that money. Oh well.

I'm baaack. Well, it's deserty. It's hot. Was unusually hot last week. Yet, in the high 90's and over 100, when the humidity is about 10%, it ain't all that bad. Plus, there's air conditioning, thank goodness! Summer will still be my least favorite season. I crisp too easily. But I'm sure I will appreciate the 70/50 Spring and Fall weather, as well as the very mild Winters. Got to see some thunderstorms in the distance. Pretty amazing light show. I like that too. I'll miss the rain in the forest, but have to admit that a lot of sunshine is a nice thing.

There IS green in the area, at least near the Rio Grande which winds through the valley. I stumbled onto an older area of town along the river that looked almost like Home. I plan to go there when I'm missing green grass and abundance of trees.

Fortunately, our lot is also very near the Rio Grande, just further north. That makes for a much more rolling and slightly greener landscape than I was expecting. I couldn't see the terrain in the photos Spouse had sent. I was afraid it was dead flat. But, our lot actually has a lot of up-and-down to it. The house will sit on the high spot and we're positioning it to overlook acres of pecan trees on the property behind us. Since that property is a 26 acre commercial pecan grove, our green view should be well-preserved.

Our lot also has a couple of arroyos and a retention 'pond' area between us and the pecan trees. That should provide us with some natural watering during the 'wet season' since such places are preserved to allow rainwater to flow naturally from the mountains to the Rio Grande. Whatever we plant may get to make use of that water on the way. We'll need to get a trusted landscaper to help us figure out what works in that environment.

Had fun picking out the house details with Spouse. Kinda cool to make choices of this counter material over that, this tile or that, where we want recessed lighting, what color to use for stucco and trim, etc. I'd never done that before.

Now we hope the builders will get a move on... so we can get a move on. Our contract says we're supposed to have a completed house by August 30th. I'm not sure I believe that, given the slow startup, but sometime in September would still be acceptable... and none too soon.

Great to be with Spouse again. Even better when we are once again inhabiting our own house together again. He took me out to dinner all week, but especially for my birthday. We also walked the mall where he insisted I pick out a birthday present, since I hadn't given him even a single idea. I picked some really comfy, albeit ugly as homemade sin shoes ;) You may have seen them. They're like rubbery clogs with holes. I love them. Spouse doesn't. Hey, it was my choice. He was trying to get me to buy jewelry or something, but I just don't go in for a lotta bling. hehe

Anyway, I'm back in the current homestead and, for now, waiting on builders and looking for buyers and trying to keep my body in check until all these machinations form a cohesive life again. Whew.

Flying to NM later today. Will be there for a week. Gonna see the building site for myself. Gonna sort through the color and upgrade choices that need to be made. And of course, I get to see Spouse for the first time since he drove out of here at the end of March.

Well, well, well... Hello, Stranger. TMI to follow. You have been warned. But it's coded. ;) I am being visited by a 'calendar' event, which hasn't happened since December. To be honest, I thought maybe I was finally done with that. But looks like I was just on haitus for five months. It's not officially recognized as menopause until you've been without that special blessing for a year. So the count shall begin again (in 5 to 7 days? hehe). Wheeeee Hey, if I had to do this again, I'm glad it's now instead of the week I'll be in NM.

I dunno why I'm telling about this in a blog, but hey, there it is. At the moment, I have no one to bitch to IRL, so I'm venting here.

Oooo! Spouse went to the house lot today. The builders have cut the driveway, staked the footprint and run the water line! We're on our way! Also, I have plane tickets for a trip there to see the progress myself and hopefully to pick out all the options. Will be there for my birthday! Will be nice to be with Spouse for that.

house model front and back
So far, I've only done the exterior.

I am insane. This is, of course, old news to most of you. *grin* My current insanity is being expressed by modeling the house we're trying to build in NM. I've already made a 3D floor plan out of card stock paper, but now I'm mocking up elevations in full-color detail. Working on a 1' to 1/4" scale, so the thing is about 14" square. I'll pretend it's my way of applying positive energy toward getting the real build done. Yes, that's the ticket.

All garbed up at the Castle ren faire in Muskogee, OK
Sunday, May 14 2006

Today's Topic: English as a butchered language.

I'll cover that in a minute, but first... I seem to be on a series of rants lately. Maybe it's my aggravating physical condition? Maybe it's the stress of the sell/buy/move? Probably both. Whatever. It's not my favorite mode. I'm trying not to get mired in it, and yet, it wants out. And so...

nuclear
realtor
Two examples of butchered spoken English.

Nuclear is NOT new-cue-ler. Just because powerful people like George Dubya can't pronounce it properly, doesn't change the correct pronunciation. See the word? NUCLEAR... NEW-CLEE-ERR... not NUCULAR, dumbass.

Realtor is another botched word. No, it's not easy to say properly, which may explain why people don't try. I'm disappointed that Merriam-Webster actually lists the incorrect pronunciation as an alternative. That's total crap. It's not realator, it's realtor. RE-AL-TOR. Same is true of realty vs realaty. There ain't no fuckin' A after the L, so stop saying it.

And here's the other thing, butchered English in print. I see a growing cancer in written text, ie newsprint, online, and on TV. You know the new habit of popping up crap on the bottom of the screen to say what's Next or what's on Tomorrow? I think it's the USA channel, or another primary cable network, which consistently shows what's on Tommorrow. No. That is just plain wrong. This is a basic English word and that is WRONG. One M, two Rs. Period. Go back to elementary school, dipwads.

There are more subtle but equally aggravating offenses, like choosing the wrong homonyms. Granted, spellcheck doesn't catch those, but if you're profiting from prose you should damned well know the words and their usage.

It has to be laziness. The folks involved in these endeavors have surely completed at least a rudimentary education. So, they're just too lazy to use it? For shame.

You are in your car. It's a bit old and persnickety. You turn the key and the engine is reluctant. You're trying to will the thing to turn over and you're fairly sure it'll happen, but it just makes that choked groaning and sputtering sound while trying to get up the gumption to actually kick in.

This is my experience with the house in NM so far. I/we are doing all the right stuff at the right time, but the build hasn't started yet. I'm growing more leary of the builders with each incident. We ask for info and get half-assed answers, slowly. Meetings and deadlines are set but blown off without communication.

We are assured by the realty people that these builders are good. They've worked with them before. We are assured that once the thing gets started, we'll be happy with the progress and results. It's just that they've grown so much recently they're having a little bit of trouble managing this front end of the business.

I hope the realty people are right because we really want the lot and floor plan and the building philosophy that goes along with these guys. However, my skeptical self reminds me that the realty company has a vested interest in the deal hanging together because they get a commission out of it.

In the meantime, I'm sitting in the car, turning the key, rocking, and half praying, half cussing --- COME ON! LET'S GO DAMMIT!

Of course, I am virtually devoid of patience, so it could me mostly me?

Finally over an initial hurdle on the house buying end. After a rather jerky start, we now have a contract to buy the 5+ acre lot and get a specific floor plan built on it. On with sorting (aka fighting with the builder) over the details! The builder is now surveying the lot to propose house placement. We've been told they can complete construction within 120 days. This could be a real adventure, but the weather there helps. There are very very few rainy days to impede progress.