Funny comebacks ;)

Why are you scratching yourself so much?
I'm the only one who knows where it itches.

I didn't ask to be born!
You didn't wanna stay where you were, did you?

I have never been so insulted in my life!
You haven't been out much, have you?

Weekend was rough. The cumulative effect of the radiation has finally made itself known by pretty much burning my tender bits in the irradiated area until I'm raw. Using suggested creams and ointments but they're not managing it. Got a script today though for some Vicodin. Doesn't resolve the root cause of the problem but fixes my brain's pain receptors so I don't care? hehe Actually, even that isn't completely alleviating my discomfort, but it's much more tolerable.

Fortunately, I'm on my next-to-last week! So I'll do what I gotta do to get to the end of this phase. Was prescribed 30 radiation treatments --- only nine left! Only two more batches of chemo and the last one will be shortened to conclude at the same time as the radiation.

New information, at least to me: Vicodin, Lortab and some other 'good drugs' are actually the same thing... hydrocodone with acetaminophen. Hydrocodone is a synthetic opiate (opioid) derived from two naturally occurring opiates, codeine and thebaine (aka paramorphine). Hydrocodone is a Schedule II narcotic and potentially addictive, physically and/or psychologically.

Firstly, I didn't realize that codeine counted as an opiate.

Secondly, I'm being careful with my use of this stuff so 1) I don't have to fight an addiction later, and 2) it will still have full impact after surgery when I will need more serious pain killing.

Thirdly, the only difference between Vicodin and Lortab is 5mg vs 7.5mg hydrocodone. There's another version with 10mg. Not sure why they did that. I mean, I can get the same quantities with 1, 1.5 or 2 of the 5mg.

And finally, I imagine I'm rambling on about this shit because I'm on Vicodin right now! hehe

Four of six weeks of chemoradiation completed! Amazing how fast this seems to be going. I've picked up a side effect, extremely tender skin in the radiated area, but I was forewarned and I'm taking the suggested measures to mitigate that.

This is going so well so far that I'm tempted to ask the chemo oncologist if I'm in some kind of secret control group and only getting a placebo. I mean, I've had no noticeable effects yet which I would attribute to the chemo. The only thing I've seen is a bit of change in my blood levels, but I don't -feel- those. *knock on wood* Hope I get to the finish with so little effect and that the post-surgery chemo goes as well.

I really think attitude is a primary factor in coming through this thing. I still feel very positive about the treatments because I'm -doing- something to get cured. I feel good about the whole game plan, not only for my body but for the household moves, etc.

I just feel good, despite all the associated discomforts that are still there and are developing. I'm not saying I'm up to full energy like a completely well person, but damn I feel great for someone with cancer and getting chemoradiation. My attitude has got to help. In any case, it's easier to live through it all with an upbeat attitude than if I moped around all day dreading what may be next.

I thank my parents for giving me the skills to accentuate the positive. It's about the most valuable coping mechanism I have for all of life, and especially through a period like the current one. It works ;) I highly recommend it.

Half done! 3 weeks down, only 3 to go on the chemoradiation regimen! Then I get a break for most of November to prepare for surgery the first week of December. So far, so good. Minimal side effects, none of it as bad as I've had it for the 9 mos prior... and... this is the road to wellness.

I'm MIA online this weekend because Mom and Dad are in for a visit!! They're checking up on me as well as here to help me get the house shined up for an Open House on Sunday. Great to have them here of course and good for them to see I'm not wilting away. ;)

Completing my 2nd week of rads and on my 2nd round of chemo. That's two down and only four to go ;) So far, so good. As yet I'm experiencing no more discomforts than I had before we started the cure. TMI: I'm able to go better, ie, no longer requiring chemicals etc for the most part. So, there's some evidence of progress. Every little bit helps.

I have a growing collection of cards, letters, email and messages from well-wishers. Also very helpful. More than nice to have a posse of positive support ;)

YAY! Two whole days... Don't have to be anywhere. Don't have to do anything. Don't have pending appointments that might hold more ugly surprises. Next week should be relatively calm. Mon-Fri rads, Wed chemo pump refresh, and one dr appointment but that should just be a checkup on the port wound. Tuesday a rep from NorthAmerican/Allied is coming to estimate the household pack and move.

If you're interested in the whole game plan, I've color-coded a CALENDAR for this awfully big adventure, marking my many circles of activity. It's really for my reference, but if you're curious, you're welcome to check it out.

And now we have added a fanny pack with a chemo pump in it. A very narrow tube runs up to the port on my chest/shoulder so the 5-FU can be applied 24/7. Thus, I'm set and Phase I is in full swing, six weeks of radiation and chemo. wheeeee

I think I'll be the Bride of Frankenstein for Halloween. My white roots are showing. I have blue-green skin in places where the bloodwork vamps bruised me. And, I have fresh stitches on my shoulder (from the port implant). *GRIN* I'm all ready! muahahahaha!

We're on our way! First rads today. Didn't feel a thing, just like they said, and it'll be a few weeks before it accumulates enough to cause even the reportedly mild side effects. Very glad to be on the road to wellness though. I'm sure that, like a bruise, it will get worse before it gets better, but ultimately I should be healed.

You know, I've felt rather blindsided by this deal, but then I realized....
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!
hehehe

The current game plan, for any who may be too curious for their own good. :)

Phase I: Six weeks of chemoradiation therapy, ie daily radiation treatments Monday thru Friday plus continuous infusion of chemo (5-FU) with pack recharge on Wednesdays. Purpose: Containment and shrinkage.

Phase II: Four to six weeks rest period.
Purpose: Allowing good tissue to recover from chemoradiation, ie heal somewhat prior to surgery.

(During this time I'll be going home for a long weekend to celebrate Mom & Dad's 50th Anniversary by participating in their renewal wedding ceremony and reception (on Nov 18th). Tentatively planning to then return here and have the contents of this house packed and moved to NM the week after Thanksgiving.)

Phase III: Surgery, likely to occur the first week of December. Temporary ileostomy performed during surgery. Concurrent follow-up chemo.
Purpose: Removal of threat, resection, temporary stoma to allow thorough healing, and chemo to backup surgical remedy.

(Mom & Dad will come here for the surgery. Planning to go back home to Ky with them and have them keep me over Christmas and as long as possible until I have to be back for follow-ups, etc.)

Phase IV: Reversal of ileostomy likely to occur near the end of January.
Purpose: Hopefully, resumption of normal life. Hopefully able to finally join my spouse in NM.

And again for the more morbidly curious or cancer conscious, my most current diagnosis is T3 N0 M0 with a possible T3 N1 M0. Not 100% sure about the Node involvement, so they're covering my bases and treating me as if it's N1, just in case.

Here's a good page to explain the Staging (T3 N1 M0)
http://www.nccn.org/patients/patient_gls/_english/_colon/3_stages.asp

Dang, I have homework this weekend. Got whole notebooks from NARTI (radiation therapy place) and the oncologist (incl chemo treatments). A lot of the info is just image builder stuff, ala welcome and staff and whatever. But there's also some practices and procedural info I should probably read.

My last task this week was having the chemo port installed, ie, the implanted jack for my fanny pack device that will deliver the chemicals through continuous infusion. Too bad I can't use it as a computer interface too *weg* Ah, well. Someday. hehe

The port is in about the same place as an STNG personal communication device. "Beam me to the 24th Century! Where cancer is a footnote in history or cured with a hypospray!"

As one might expect, the focus of my life has shifted. Though in true Gemini style, I have two: treating my ailment and moving/swapping houses.

My new mantra is: I have cancer, it doesn't have me. (And definitely will not -get- me.)

I am just concluding one of the hardest two weeks in my life, but it wasn't all that terrible. There were moments, but the rest was mostly gleaning new information and juggling logistics. I'm good at both. I've also had a great helper right by my side, as mentioned. And, I have great auxilliary support from friends and family. The medical professionals I've seen so far have also been really good for me and with me.

I imagine that this sort of adjustment must be like any other big adjustment. I mean, when you have a child, everything changes. When you make a big career move or add a spouse or whatever, everything changes.

This is a change, a big change, but I'm usually pretty flexible and I certainly have strong incentive, so I'll adjust, am adjusting.

Good news is, it doesn't last forever. There are peaks and valleys in the activities and ultimately it should become a backdrop to my life. I think I can handle that. And of course, I am not handling it completely alone ;)

Thus, onward.

More after meetings with other docs, but news from Radiology sounds pretty good. Clinical Stage is T3 N0 M0. T3 basically means it's a pretty big area and into layers but not outside into other tissues. Good thing. N0 means it doesn't appear to have gotten into lymph nodes. M0 means it's not metastisized, ie, not spread to other organs.

Treatment is going to be radiation plus chemo. Radiation will be M-F for six weeks. Not sure about chemo specifics as yet but will be concurrent. Point of all that is to shrink and mostly eliminate tumor and cancer cells. Today's doc said radiation and chemo should get about 90-95% of it.

Then, three to six weeks after last radiation, giving time for healing, I'll go in for surgery. Almost redundant at that point but should pretty much guarantee we got it all.

Rad doc said my prognosis is really good. He said I should be able to look back in five years and say, "Yeah, I had cancer once."

Looks like I'll begin radiation on Monday. I told them I want to get this show on the road.

Incidentally, my new local buddy and I got along famously, like old friends. She's only a few years younger than I am. We enjoy each others' company. She decided to go with me for tomorrow's appointments too! Terrific deal. Wonderful good samaritan!

Nicely rainy day today. Maybe that sounds strange, but I enjoy a good long steady rain now and then. The sound of infinite raindrops on all the leaves in the forest surrounding me is just marvelously soothing. I can almost feel the refreshment of such a drink Nature is getting. There's the occassional punctuation of rolling thunder in the distance and a heavier burst to the shower, but that too feels good. I like the raw power of a good thunderstorm. It energizes the air and somehow energizes me too. Bring it on! And in the meantime, soak me in the soft sound of a cool steady rain. *happy little sigh*

Angels. I have those three meetings coming up next week. My GI's LPN is who delivered the news of my condition. She had already arranged for the three meetings. While on the phone, she asked if my husband might accompany me to the meetings. I explained that he's in NM at his new job. My folks are of course in KY, though they came in to be with me for the colonoscopy. I explained that I don't know another soul in NW AR.

So, the LPN asked me to allow her to escort me at least to the first meeting. She's off on Tuesday and said she would be honored to pick me up and go with me, serving as a second set of ears, etc.

I am thrilled and amazed. I could make the meetings myself, but to have another person, a relative stranger, offer themselves for this duty... it thrills my soul. She is an angel, sent to help me in my hour of need?

Not only was she infinitely compassionate with me over the phone, but she's going to spend her day off holding my hand for a surely tedious and likely stressful appointment?

This angel's name is Laschell. I hope she gains many brownie/karmic points for this. She most certainly deserves them.

I am grateful.

Well, they say "Into each life a little rain must fall." Appears my umbrella isn't working. Guess I'll be making good use of my silver lining detectors.

"When the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger:
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood..."
~ Henry V by William Shakespeare

...unto the breach...
Appointments next week with a radiologist, a surgeon, and an oncologist.

Had the colonoscopy. It really was a breeze since I was totally out of it, don't recall anything other than wanting to keep on sleeping in recovery. Felt all warm and quite pleasantly fuzzy, so I was a little perturbed that the nurse kept waking me up by asking if I was awake. hehe

The doc added some more stuff to my day: blood work, cat scan and chest xray. He'd taken some biopsies during the colonoscopy. Yes, that means he found something. I would have been rather disappointed if he hadn't. Good to know there IS some explanation for what I've been struggling with these last nine months. Yes, there is always the possibility of cancer but there is also a greater possibility that it's all very benign and just needs to be handled. Even if it's cancer, it's the sort that can be treated and in fact vanquished.

Once all the labwork and pathologies come back and the doc has a chance to review them (probably next week), then we'll know more about what's what and how to proceed.

I've already been told that I do not have diabetes, no infections are indicated, my potassium level is good, I'm a little anemic but not enough to cause any concern, and my chest xray was good.

In the meantime, I'm okay with whatever else may or may not be. I am not going to borrow trouble or burn bridges til I get to them ;) Until I have a definitive diagnosis and game plan options, I'm assuming the best.

All y'all who love me simply must take the same attitude. It's an order ;)

Insulation, drywall, garage door, exterior sheeting... More progress!


Master Bedroom door and windows out to backyard overlooking the pecan grove.


Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch... I think that's from an Abbott & Costello sketch, maybe Three Stooges?

Monday: clear liquids and abusive chemicals
Tuesday: colonoscopy

Not a fun week, but looking forward to having a fully functional body again.

This week has been very hectic for me. Seems that my ailment takes up so much of my thoughts, time and energy that if anything gets added, I'm swamped? I've had house things to do, doctor appointments, and now I gotta get packed so I can hop on (IN! :) a plane in a few hours. Going to hang with the fambly over a long Labor Day weekend. It's time for Grandma's reunion. eep, Gotta leave the house in showable condition too.

So very sorry for online absence. The sleep is great, but I do wish the timing was better. Apologies especially to my favorite lunatic ;)

Hey, Shroom, you watchit, woman. The world can't stand for both of us to be discombobulated! ;)

I'm flying back Tuesday evening. See ya on the flip side.