Your pirate name is:
Mad Jenny Rackham
Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Reminds me of a joke cheer:
Rickem Rackem Rockem Ruckem
Get that ball and really... fight!

I don't know if it's getting worse or just feels that way as I approach possible help. Maybe it's the cumulative effect? I can put up with just about anything for a short period of time, especially if there's a scheduled end to it, a target date after which I shall be released. But this thing has been with me for so long I am definitely worn down. I was already frustrated when I finally hit critical mass and went to the E/R on Nov 17th. Now, at the end of July, I can feel the whole weight of eight months of struggling.

Once again, I'm supposed to have insurance available in August. I've already made a doctor appointment for Aug 17th. Hoping I'll have cards or at least relative membership numbers and such by then. Hoping I really can get service here with the insurance, even though spouse and employer, ie source of insurance, are in NM.

Hoping something can be found and fixed quickly (and with minimal torture).

In the meantime, I'm pretty miserable, as I have been for long months, but slowly progressing into 'moreso'. I'm tired. I'm trying all my tricks for relief and they are less and less effective. One can only spend so may hours in the bathtub, on a heating pad, taking OTC pain relievers, and of late, drinking. Tired, very tired. Counting the days.

Update on Ghost in the fray: He's doing well, still enjoying the adventure, but then he can find a way to enjoy wherever he is and whatever he must do. It's part of his magic. Fortunately he's away from Baghdad and Fallujah, the really hot spots. I get calls and emails from him every week or two. It's interesting to get to talk to him so much. I had feared that there would be very little communication. Thankfully things have changed a lot. Technology affords a lot more interaction, even from a war zone.

Ghost asked me to surf for info about a symbol that's all over the place there -- an 8-pointed star. He wasn't sure if it was a religious symbol or what. It's included in wrought iron gate designs, in brick patterns along wall headers, in the shape of fountains, etc. Absolutely everywhere.

After a bit of investigation, I discovered it's a symbol for Saddam Hussein...
"By decree, one of every ten bricks laid in the renovation of an ancient palace is now stamped either with the name Saddam Hussein or with an eight-pointed star (a point for each letter of his name spelled in Arabic)." -
'Tales of the Tyrant', The Atlantic online

What an ego, eh? No wonder Iraq is having trouble becoming its own entity. Not only are there religious and cultural factions jockeying for position, but they've been oppressed and saturated with the presence of tyranny so long they probably can't even dream beyond it.

And while I'm in the region and on a quasi-political rant... Israel deserves to do whatever it must do to secure its home. As one writer recently put it, all their neighbors seem bent on ridding the planet of them or at least making them move.... but to where? They've nowhere else to go. It's stand and fight, or be eliminated. How can we not support their efforts to survive?

Whether any other country chooses to aid Israel or not, I sure hope they do not try to tie their hands and force them to submit to further persecution. At some point, their neighbors must understand that enough is enough, let live... or die.

I'm long past tired of the bumpy ride. I want some smooth easy sailing.

Spoon vs Shovel. It's been a marketing thing and a manufacturing thing. Since nearly the beginning of our industrialization, the makers of products drove the market like sheep. "We made this here handy Model A. It comes in black, black, or black. You need it. Buy now." The products expanded but until recently our options were still dictated to us by the production lines. We had three TV networks because three companies decided to go into broadcasting. We had short skirts when the manufacturers chose to make them, and long skirts when they decided they wanted to sell us something different. They all pretended they were trying to follow the trends, but were in fact setting them. The point of their manipulation was to keep changing the big picture so we'd have to refocus and buy... more, different, better.

This... is changing. We're no longer content to let corporations feed us with a shovel. Just because they make it, does not mean we need it. Just because they made a new model, doesn't mean we can't stick with the one we have, thankyouverymuch. We're moving from macro to micro. Just look at the proliferation of micro-breweries, not only for beer, but for bottled water and soft drinks too. Producers don't have to find the drink the world needs, just a drink with a market niche that's sufficient to keep them in business.

Indie films are another example. Blockbusters still come along now and then, but not necessarily from the big studios. They can no longer accurately guess what we want, not that they ever really did. We just chose from the limited offerings. Now, we can go to the multi-plex and pick from among umpteen films to satisfy our more individual entertainment desires. We have 150 or so channels to chose from on cable or satellite, including movies, so we don't even have to leave home.

It's quite an interesting twist really. Seems that we started the whole industrial revolution because necessity was the mother of invention. Then for a while, invention was the mother of necessity. (We make it. You gotta have it.) Now we, as individuals, are beginning to say... "You know, I think I'd like to have...." and searching for someone who makes it or does it. Even better, many creative folks are starting to say... "You know, I'd like to make or do..." and as soon as they begin, a market may appear. If we don't like what the brick and mortar stores are selling or can't find what we're looking for, we can surely find a supplier online.

And that's what it comes down to, I think, communication. We had narrow channels of communication, often bound by limited geographic reach. The reach expanded with radio, then TV, then broadened with cable and satellite. All of that helped connect the world, but when the internet was born, it helped connect individuals across the globe.

We started at the bottom, grassroots ideas growing into big manufacturing and top-heavy bureacracies. Now the upper echelons, too far removed from the fray and trying to chase (or dictate) the will of the masses, may be disintegrating. The masses are becoming more like the individuals they truly are. They're exerting their preferences and distributing their power and influence. We're getting back to grassroots. We're making and demanding change from the bottom up and we're no longer willing to support the superstructures. Now that we can deal more directly with each other, we don't need them and don't appreciate how they have tried to rule us.

We become the superstructure. We are the net. We can build, make, do, be... as individuals... within the larger framework that is Us.

I'm not saying it's all going to be an easy transition. Restructuring rarely is. But, I think it's progress and I'm glad we're growing up.

An Inconvenient Scare Tactic. Eco-nazis annoy me. In fact, I wrote a rant which I may post later. For now, I like this quote I found:

"Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical, two cyborgs blaming the humans." ~ Jay Leno

It is rumored that I am on the verge of obtaining medical insurance again through Spouse's employer, finally. It is also rumored that I will indeed be able to schedule medical assistance here in NW AR. I sure hope these rumors are true. I've been struggling for nearly eight months now and I really just can't take much more. I'd also like to get all this sorted out and repaired before I have to do the move.

Positive thoughts welcome. I need to get fixed up. The longer it goes, the more worn out I get. I can put up with just about anything for a little while. It's been a long while, a very long while.

Locus of Control Test Results Internal Locus (58%) External Locus (42%) Take Free Locus of Control Test personality tests by similarminds.com

"Your results suggest you tend to believe that internal factors (ala decisions, internal drive) will define you more than external factors like genetics, fate, luck, and environment. ... Thus, you have an Internal Locus of Control."

Back in Arkiesaw. Stayed in Kentucky longer than I had planned but I had no reason to hurry home. Once again, must say that I love love love to spend time with my family. My parents are such good company. We're more like old friends than parents and child now. Thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with Mom and my sister while planning and shopping for the wedding. My niece (the sister's daughter) was with us for part of that too. She and I are quite taken with each other ;) Mutual admiration and appreciation.

Had two Sundays which meant two gatherings at the folks' house with most of the siblings and their kids. ALWAYS a good time. Always.

I stayed so long partly because I didn't want to miss going with some of my family to see Pirates 2. We managed to get in on opening day. It was about as good as the first one, I think. One of the links I have with the niece above is that we are both very smitten with Johnny Depp. He was all of his former Captain Jack self and more. Boy, they have a lot of loose ends to tie up in Pirates 3.

Also saw Superman Returns, which was disappointing, imo. Too much recapping on the front end. Wrap-up was rather abrupt and morally pretty sad for a char that's supposed to be such a goody two shoes. On the good side, the actor playing Superman was okay and suitably similar to Christopher Reeves. Kevin Spacey was also a good Lex Luthor.

Saw Cars too, which was very clever, funny, and had a good story. The most fun was figuring out who did all the voices. Quite a star-studded vocal cast. I can imagine that the animators had great fun playing with the car concept. It comes across very well in the film.

House update: Spouse went last Thursday and Sunday to check the lot. Starting to see progress. The builders have laid the footprint, so I can tell they've oriented it just the way I wanted. We'll have a great view of a big pecan grove out back. They're laying all the water lines in preparation for pouring the foundation. We're actually getting somewhere ;)

Okay, enough for now. I'm still recovering from the drive, catching up on email etc, doing laundry, and so on. Thus, I sally forth....

On the road again. Gonna be Home for a week. Always good. Leaving the house in 'show' condition. Maybe we'll get an offer while I'm gone. Maybe the builders will make some progress in the desert. Playing loose with the schedule. I love being there but some of my current difficulties make that inconvenient/uncomfortable for me. So, depends on how the bod behaves.

Besides the 4th and all the fambly gathering that entails, my sister and I will get to help Mom with the planning of her wedding ;) She and Dad will be celebrating their 50th Anniversary this year (Nov 23rd) and they're going to have a wedding ceremony. It promises to be a big party, big family fun. We've started on things already, partly because you have to do a lot in advance and partly because we get to stretch out the thrill of the journey.

And speaking of journey... I need to finish packing and spiffing up the house. Later!

Going Home for 4th of July.
I need a new ass.
I want the sell/build/move over with.

LOL Blog Warz! FYI, the person who threw me over the cliff's edge into the abyss about those words I hate... has no blog. Or if they have, I don't know about it. I don't like those half-words. Ain't gonna like those half-words. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and since you're reading my blog, you get mine. *grin*

High on my list of pet peeves are these two 'words': hubby, puter. GAH! Both actually piss me off. I HATE them. I want to bind and gag people when they use them.

Husband, spouse, spousal unit, mate, whatever, but only trailer trash would use 'hubby' imo. Too much like bubba or sissy (vs brother or sister) or other stupid words used by lazy uneducated people?

Similarly, it's called a COMputer or PC or machine or system, etc. It computes. It does not pute. If something in your house putes, I recommend you take it to a doctor or set it outside. Sounds like maybe it smells.

Obtuse: geometrically, an angle exceeding 90° but less than 180°. Of course there's the linguistic meaning, ala 'difficult to comprehend, unclear...'.

You know I'm into patterns and the hoodoo boogity patterns have generally concerned angles and that's what I've been looking at to find a Why for being shuffled to NM. I thought I ran it every way possible, but found nada.

Well... I'm not 100% sure this is it, but it makes more sense than anything else I've seen so far. In fact, it's about the only thing I've seen that falls in with the other patterns I discovered at previous locations.

There are two factors, geometry and geology. I don't think it's coincidental that these two are interwined linguistically and logically.

So, I was checking Google News. I do that now and then. One of the keywords I lookup is 'earthquake'. It's one of the things you could say I've been tuned into.

Anyway, top returns were articles reporting the impending release of accumulated stress on the San Andreas fault in Southern California. Yeah, it's a cyclical thing the media does, comes around and goes around fairly often. BUT, it prompted me to look at an angle I hadn't reviewed before.

I checked LA. Not a hit. I checked San Diego. I'll be 90°, ie due east. Interesting. As the crow flies, it'll be 606 miles. Hmmm... that's about 55 x 11 or 60 x 10. (55 to 60, and multiples thereof, have been a marker in the past.) Interesting. Possible link, but needed another point to confirm.

I know that one of my major connections is in Iraq. Probably no help there. The other of course is the Shroom. Well, I already knew she was aligned with San Diego on a 330° angle. I'd forgotten the mileage, but looked it up again... 605.

By golly, isn't that an interesting coincidence? I'm not entirely pleased with the angles. We've worked from due north and due south together and that was quite strong. We've worked on a straight line together. However, 330° and 90°, equidistant from a center point of San Diego, one of our focal points on a previous 'mission'... It has distinct possibilities. Two points on the same circle, quite a large circle, with San Diego at the center. I'll be at 3 o'clock. Da Shroom at 11 o'clock.

Could get exciting. But of course, if this is the Why and we do it right, nothing much will happen, or what happens will be less than what -could- happen. *shrug*

We'll see. I'm gonna cook this for a while and see if it's still stew.

Damndest coincidence? or Synchronicity? or What?

This has happened to me before. I'll think of a movie I haven't seen in a long while and it will show up on one of the movie channels. Sometimes I've wondered if I've 'drawn' it. OR, have I just heard an ad for it while sleeping with the TV on and the reverse happened, ie, it was put in my head and it only seemed to have crossed my mind out of nowhere? Well, this time cannot be due to that, I think.

Yesterday I watched one of those silly E! shows about the top sexiest bad boys. Johnny Depp was of course on the list. He's one of my personal favorites, not only for his sex appeal and interesting body of work, but because we share a birthday. Later last night, I decided to look him up on IMDB, just for fun. I usually just read the main stuff, but this time I read pretty much all that was there about him.

Buried in the lenghty verbiage was a quote from Depp recounting one of his favorite experiences. He was shooting Edward Scissorhands with Vincent Price and had a chat with him. He'd brought along a book of Edgar Allan Poe. Depp said that Price recited a passage from "Tomb of Ligeia" from memory.

Now, I am a big fan of Poe and of Price and of Price doing Poe. However, I didn't recall "Tomb of Ligeia." I sort of vowed to look it up.

Turns out I didn't have to. Early this morning it actually showed up on the Mystery channel on cable! I -happened- to be channel flipping and -happened- to catch the title on the guide. Yeah, "Tomb of Ligeia" was playing, starring Vincent Price.

Of course I watched it. I never miss a chance to watch Vincent Price, especially when he's doing Poe.

It's just the damndest thing, I tell you. Certainly makes me wonder. I swear I don't ever remember anything about "Tomb of Ligeia" previously. And, even if I'd somehow picked up a preview for it while sleeping, I for damned sure wouldn't have gotten there by way of Johnny Depp triggering it consciously.

Maybe I'm crazy, but it looks for all the world like I wanted Poe's tale and it was delivered. *shrug*

Length of Days
As the Midsummer Solstice approaches, the lengthening of days is noticeable. It's nearly 8pm here now and still there's sunshine in the sky. Of course, a day is 24 hrs no matter how much or how little sunshine graces it, but somehow it's comforting to have the light last a little longer.

I'm enjoying the forest that surrounds the house. I know I will miss it in future, so I'm trying to burn this mystical vision into my brain. Perhaps after the move I'll find desert vistas that delight me as much as the emerald kingdom in which I live now, but I know I will want to remember the cool green light and shadows, the soft sounds of breezes or raindrops through the leaves, the gentle chorus of birds and frogs, the occasional bounding of white tailed deer... I'll want to be able to recall all of this when the days in the desert seem too hot and too dry for habitation.

I still want to know... Why?

Irony: I feel like crap, but can't. wheeeee

Money is flowing again with Spouse's employment, but somehow that seems to cause moneysuckers to appear outta the woodwork. Just in the last couple of weeks, got notice of BIG increases in current house payment due to property tax catch-up (because AR does it bass-ackwards), escrow catch-up due to same, mortgage interest rate increase, and income tax increase for 2004 tax year due, incl penalties and interest, not our fault (very late 1099) but we owe it all the same. The house payment is going up almost 40%. We are not happy, but powerless to change it. Good thing we're trying to sell.

And then yesterday while I was out and about, my car's check engine indicator came on. It's in the shop now and awaiting a part to fix a seal something on a fuel whatchamacallit and that's gonna cost a couple hundred bucks. Thankfully I'm in a loaner so I'm not stranded. Supposed to get my car back by Friday.

I'm supposed to be grateful that we can pay this stuff. I am, but of course I'd rather be allowed to keep that money. Oh well.

I'm baaack. Well, it's deserty. It's hot. Was unusually hot last week. Yet, in the high 90's and over 100, when the humidity is about 10%, it ain't all that bad. Plus, there's air conditioning, thank goodness! Summer will still be my least favorite season. I crisp too easily. But I'm sure I will appreciate the 70/50 Spring and Fall weather, as well as the very mild Winters. Got to see some thunderstorms in the distance. Pretty amazing light show. I like that too. I'll miss the rain in the forest, but have to admit that a lot of sunshine is a nice thing.

There IS green in the area, at least near the Rio Grande which winds through the valley. I stumbled onto an older area of town along the river that looked almost like Home. I plan to go there when I'm missing green grass and abundance of trees.

Fortunately, our lot is also very near the Rio Grande, just further north. That makes for a much more rolling and slightly greener landscape than I was expecting. I couldn't see the terrain in the photos Spouse had sent. I was afraid it was dead flat. But, our lot actually has a lot of up-and-down to it. The house will sit on the high spot and we're positioning it to overlook acres of pecan trees on the property behind us. Since that property is a 26 acre commercial pecan grove, our green view should be well-preserved.

Our lot also has a couple of arroyos and a retention 'pond' area between us and the pecan trees. That should provide us with some natural watering during the 'wet season' since such places are preserved to allow rainwater to flow naturally from the mountains to the Rio Grande. Whatever we plant may get to make use of that water on the way. We'll need to get a trusted landscaper to help us figure out what works in that environment.

Had fun picking out the house details with Spouse. Kinda cool to make choices of this counter material over that, this tile or that, where we want recessed lighting, what color to use for stucco and trim, etc. I'd never done that before.

Now we hope the builders will get a move on... so we can get a move on. Our contract says we're supposed to have a completed house by August 30th. I'm not sure I believe that, given the slow startup, but sometime in September would still be acceptable... and none too soon.

Great to be with Spouse again. Even better when we are once again inhabiting our own house together again. He took me out to dinner all week, but especially for my birthday. We also walked the mall where he insisted I pick out a birthday present, since I hadn't given him even a single idea. I picked some really comfy, albeit ugly as homemade sin shoes ;) You may have seen them. They're like rubbery clogs with holes. I love them. Spouse doesn't. Hey, it was my choice. He was trying to get me to buy jewelry or something, but I just don't go in for a lotta bling. hehe

Anyway, I'm back in the current homestead and, for now, waiting on builders and looking for buyers and trying to keep my body in check until all these machinations form a cohesive life again. Whew.

Flying to NM later today. Will be there for a week. Gonna see the building site for myself. Gonna sort through the color and upgrade choices that need to be made. And of course, I get to see Spouse for the first time since he drove out of here at the end of March.